Parent's house. 父母家。 The whole families were silly! 一家人都傻了！ Three younger sisters nearly faint, „is my brother!” 三妹妹险些晕倒在地,“是我哥！” Mother is dumbfounded, „Shit! How Little Ye came up!” 老妈目瞪口呆,“我靠！小烨怎么上去了啊！” The big younger sister said surprised: „How can be my brother!” 大妹妹吃惊道:“怎么会是我哥啊！” Chenchen big or medium mouth! 辰辰张大小嘴儿！ Grandfather Grandma stares the eyeball, „does Little Ye develop Sketch?” 姥爷姥姥瞪起眼珠子,“小烨演小品？” ...... …… CCTV. 央视。 Xu Yipeng shock, „what?” 徐一鹏震惊,“什么？” Chen Ye also quickly grasps the meaning of something, „he how on stage?” 陈野也是一个激灵,“他怎么在台上呢？” „Made a mistake?” “搞错了吧？” „How can be he?” “怎么会是他？” „Did Fuck have an accident?” “我草出什么事了？” „Why did Zhang Ye force up?” “张烨为什么顶上去了？” The people of CCTV Spring Festival Program group were shocked by this! 央视春晚节目组的人被这一幕惊呆了！ ...... …… On Weibo. 微薄上。 „Comes to see quickly, Zhang Ye came out!” “快来看啊,张烨又出来了！” „?” “啊？” „Zhang Ye must develop Sketch!” “张烨要演小品啊！” „Was Beijing TV Station insane?” “京城电视台疯了啊？” „How to look to save the scene Zhang Ye? Qu Haiying has an accident the present is also one hour of time, how this does Sketch make?” “怎么把张烨找来救场了？瞿海英出事到现在也就是一个小时的时间啊,这小品是怎么弄出来的？” „You look at the screen following Program introduction list quickly!” “你们快看屏幕下面的节目介绍单！” „What?” “啥？” „Performer: Zhang Ye, Yao Jiancai, Dong Shanshan?” “表演者:张烨,姚建才,董杉杉？” „crap!” “我了个去啊！” „I said how Dong Shanshan just had not appeared!” “我说董杉杉刚刚怎么一直没出现呢！” „Host, two Crosstalk actors, three blood do amateur develop Sketch? Fuck I am a little ignorant, anyone of you pinches my, told me this not real!” “一个主持人,俩相声演员,三个血外行去演小品？我草我有点懵,你们谁掐我一下,告诉我这不是真的！” „Hurries to call the person!” “赶紧叫人啊！” „Right, hurries to shout the person!” “对,赶紧喊人！” „Looks at Capital City Spring Festival quickly, important matter!” “快看京城春晚,又出大事了！” „Zhang Ye mounting the stage next to last act Sketch!” “张烨登台压轴小品啊！” „In the world! Looks quickly!” “全世界！快去看！” „Zhang Ye joint performance Sketch?” “张烨会演小品吗？” „Devil knows!” “鬼才知道啊！” „Yao Jiancai and Dong Shanshan are not good!” “姚建才和董杉杉也都不行啊！” ...... …… Ha Qiqi Zhang Zuo silly before the television. 哈齐齐张左傻在电视前。 Fan Wenli Chen Guang silly before the television. 范文丽陈光傻在电视前。 Famous Sketch Actor Ci Xiufang sees that familiar form that on Capital City Spring Festival presents, was startled, „Little Zhang? He? Develops Sketch?” 著名小品演员慈秀芳看着京城春晚上出现的那个熟悉的身影,也是吃了一惊,“小张？他？演小品？” At this moment, all people a little are ignorant - compels! 此刻,所有人都有点懵-逼！ Person also intense straight sweating of Capital City Spring Festival Director group, just several prepared the Item staff, almost produces in a hurry a good thing in the final five minutes, then runs on the stage to install with Speed of hundred meters race, at that time Host introduced that next Program, the act drop also immediately must pull open, is really at a crucial moment, has almost not caught up! 京城春晚导演组的人也都紧张的直冒汗,刚刚几个准备道具的工作人员,几乎是在最后五分钟才赶制好的一个东西,然后用百米赛跑的速度跑去台上安装的,那时主持人已经介绍到下一个节目了,大幕也马上就要拉开了,真的可谓是千钧一发,差一点就没有赶上啊！ Chang Xiaoliang is gripping the fist, „was laborious! Laborious!” 常晓亮攥着拳头,“都辛苦了！辛苦了！” „It is not laborious!” “不辛苦！” „We are all right!” “我们没事！” „What is laborious is Teacher Zhang!” “辛苦的是张老师啊！” „Is dies lives, looks at Zhang Ye!” “是死是活,就看张烨的了！” „keep it up Teacher Zhang!” “加油啊张老师！” „Teacher Zhang, look at you!” “张老师,看你了！” Hu Fei Brother Hou Xiao Lu and other manpower somewhat tremble, is not very calm, this is the somatic effect that one type creates extremely intense! 胡飞侯哥小吕等人手都有些发抖,情绪十分不稳定,这是一种极度紧张造成的身体反应！ Anxious! 焦急！ Anticipation! 期待！ Restless! 不安！ But all are useless! 可一切都没有用！ The present stage, can only give Zhang Ye Yao Jiancai and Dong Shanshan three people! 现在的舞台,只能交给张烨姚建才和董杉杉三个人了！ Meets one's fate with resignation! 听天由命吧！ ...... …… On the spot. 现场。 Sketch started! 小品开始了！ The audiences could not attend to being shocked, had not responded completely their staring bead that looks on the stage, the palm has clapped subconsciously, has broken out applause loudly! 观众也顾不得震惊了,还没有完全反应过来的他们都瞪着眼珠子看着台上,手掌下意识地拍了起来,响起了轰然的掌声！ In the applause, Zhang Ye ran up to the stage center, this time he with saying him of Crosstalk time acted like a different person completely, the expression changed, the clothes have also traded, was an ordinary woolen sweater jeans appearance. Runs, Zhang Ye also while shouted: „Ended to end to end! Left the important matter! The old bureau of our unit - is long, unfortunately quilt ****** patting, above and sends one...... Is one, the new bureau superior does the rectification, the section chief in this crucial point subpoenaed me, usually my small problem these many, it is estimated that this time was the rice bowl does not guarantee, ended!” 在掌声中,张烨跑到了舞台中央,此时的他跟说相声时候的他完全判若两人,表情变化了一些,衣服也换了,是一身普普通通的毛衣牛仔裤打扮。一边跑,张烨还一边喊:“完了完了完了完了！出大事了！我们单位的老局-长,不幸被******给拍进去了,上面呢又派下来一只……呃是一位,新局上位就搞整风,在这节骨眼上我们科长传唤我,平时我身上小毛病这么多,估计这次是饭碗不保了啊,完了完了！” ******? ******？ Sends one? 派下来一只？ The scene had the audience to throw smiles. 现场已经有观众扑哧一笑。 Before how many of backstage, has performed some Sketch Actor and professionals also stare, this Sketch coming up a few words gave the introduction to be clear all backgrounds and characters, bureau - was long? During the rectification? Did the section chief subpoena? Doesn't the rice bowl guarantee? Moreover in an introduction also has the burden, in short a few words can see the skill, this obviously is a standard Sketch pattern and mentality! Very mature! 后台的几个之前表演过的小品演员和一些专业人士也是一愣,这小品上来一句话就把所有背景和人物给介绍清楚了,局-长进去？整风期间？科长传唤？饭碗不保？而且一段介绍中还有包袱,短短一句话里就能看出功力了,这显然是一个标准的小品模式和思路啊！很成熟！ This book is who writes? 这本子是谁写的？ Zhang Ye does one's own write? 张烨自己写的？ scene gave the position of desk, at this time, many talented people discovered that on the chair also sits a person unexpectedly, the lawful and direct line of descent begins to sleep. 镜头给到了办公桌的位置,这时,很多人才发现椅子上居然还坐着一个人,正支着手睡觉呢。 Dong Shanshan that a capable occupation installs first one low one low, is having the snoring. 一身干练职业装的董杉杉头一低一低的,在打呼噜。 Zhang Ye has a look cautiously suddenly, said in a soft voice: „Section Chief horse? horse section chief?” 张烨小心翼翼地眨眼看看,轻声道:“马科长？马科长？” Dong Shanshan the head, awoke in a flash, „, who? Yo, Little Hao, comes, come.” 董杉杉一晃脑袋,醒了,“啊,谁呀？哟,小郝呀,进来,来。” Zhang Ye scratches the head: „Excuse me, disturbing you to sleep.” 张烨挠头:“不好意思,打扰您睡觉了。” Dong Shanshan carried the teacup to savor several, „was all right, my this can think that did not delay!” 董杉杉端起茶杯咂摸了几下,“没事,我这一会一觉,不耽误！” Audiences: 观众: „Hahaha!” “哈哈哈！” „Puff!” “噗！” The applause resounds! 掌声响起！ Although the laughter are not many, but the attention of many audience had been clutched in the work! 笑声虽然不多,但很多观众的注意力已经被揪到了作品里面！ The scene calmed down. 现场静了下来。 Dong Shanshan lifts one leg on the other, leads model|pattern Er full doing faction, the pressure the hand said: „Sits, recently, in family good?” 董杉杉一跷二郎腿,领导范儿十足的做派,压压手道:“坐,最近,家里都挺好的？” Zhang Ye sits on the sofa cautious, double is hand-held the knee, „before eye not, gathers together, after this, what.” The appointment closes one's eyes, „gives the destiny!” 张烨拘谨地坐在沙发上,双手扶着膝盖,“眼不前儿还凑活,这以后什么样。”任命地闭上眼,“就交给命运吧！” Also some people were amused! 又有人被逗乐了！ Dong Shanshan shoots a look at him, „I heard that you are all right in the unit like playing dozen of table tennis?” 董杉杉瞥瞥他,“我听说,你在单位没事就爱打打乒乓球？” Zhang Ye had a scare, busy [say / way]: „I review! I wanted to play all the time! Plays the table tennis to injure someone to cause self infliction, I later again play the table tennis, I from waste both hands!” He took a stand loudly: „I, I reject yellow! Refuses to bet! Rejection table tennis!” 张烨吓了一跳,忙道:“我检讨！我太贪玩了！打乒乓球害人害己,我以后再打乒乓球,我就自废双手！”他大声表态道:“我,我拒绝黄！拒绝赌！拒绝兵乓球！” This saying, audience one surprised, then laughs boisterously! 这话一出,现场观众一愕,然后哄然大笑！ This burden was too sudden, suddenly arrived at anyone not to prepare, smiled to explode directly! 这个包袱太突然了,突然到了谁也没准备,直接就笑炸了！ „Puff Hahahahaha!” “噗哈哈哈哈哈！” „Whoops!” “哎呦！” „Hahahahaha!” “哈哈哈哈哈！” „Rejection table tennis?” “拒绝兵乓球？” „You how table tennis with yellow - gambling - toxin put one!” “您怎么把兵乓球跟黄-赌-毒放一块了啊！” If before not having, that keeps off the matter, the audience is also insufficient to smile this, is before one hour, Han Li and national table tennis team lost the game! Also public, when the reporter interviewed passed the full liability to Zhang Ye! Said that is Zhang Ye causes them to lose the game! At that time many people were mad happily, thought that the table tennis team this time did not have the demeanor, did Zhang Ye do? Lost the game becomes his matter? 如果没有之前那挡事,观众还不至于笑成这样,可是就在一个小时前,韩力和国家兵乓球队输球了！还公开在记者采访的时候把全部责任都推卸给了张烨！说是张烨导致他们输球的！当时好多人都被气乐了,觉得兵乓球队这次太没有风度了,张烨干嘛了？输球就成他的事情了？ The original words, everybody also thinks that the matter on the past, has let finally it go at most, may stem from the anticipation of all people, Capital City Spring Festival live broadcast scene after short one hour, Zhang Ye mounts the stage unexpectedly, unexpectedly has damaged at the scene directly, moreover does not cover up damages them! 本来的话,大家还以为事情就过去了,最后顶多也就不了了之了,可出乎所有人的意料,竟然就在短短一个小时后的京城春晚直播现场,张烨登台,居然在现场直接损了起来,而且是毫不遮掩地损他们！ The audiences exploded! 观众炸了！ The netizens also exploded! 网友也炸了！ „Too fucking awesome!” “太牛-逼了！” „This is Zhang Ye!” “这就是张烨啊！” „Yes, this is Zhang Ye!” “是啊,这就是张烨啊！” „Hahahaha!” “哈哈哈哈！” „Refuses yellow to refuse to bet rejection table tennis? How he thinks he!” “拒绝黄拒绝赌拒绝兵乓球？他怎么想的啊他！” „Teased me! This group of table tennis teams, you said that whom you annoy not to be good, you annoy him to do! Zhang Ye this smelly rogue anything disposition you were not first time see! Your non- moves in good condition he! Sees not to have, this cursed back comes on his mother immediately! Moreover on Spring Festival, before national audiences!” “逗死我了！这帮兵乓球队的,你说你们惹谁不好,你们非惹他干什么啊！张烨这臭-流-氓什么性格你们又不是第一次见了！好端端的你们非招他！看见没有,这回骂马上就他妈来了啊！而且还是在春晚上,在全国观众面前！” „Smiles to pull out!” “笑抽！” „Likes Zhang Ye this violent temperament!” “就喜欢张烨这暴脾气！” „This Sketch has really pleasantly surprised!” “这小品真有惊喜啊！” „Looked that this book is Zhang Ye writes!” “一看这本子就是张烨写的！” „Nonsense, such cruel lines, no one can think except for him!” “废话,这么阴损的台词,除了他谁也想不出来！” „Too under anticipation!” “太期待下面了！” „Appetite was hung!” “胃口都被吊起来了啊！” „Han Li! You spread on the important matter!” “韩力！你摊上大事了！” „Table tennis team, you spread the important matter! face-smacking Zhang mentioned by name you!” “兵乓球队,你们摊上大事了！打脸张点名你们了！” Netizens all with become excited excitement! 网友们全都跟打鸡血了似的激动！ ...... …… Overseas. 国外。 An hotel near athletic field. 赛场附近的一家酒店。 The post-game team returned to the hotel rest, the coaches and members are also exchanging the issue of this loss, has finished talking, everybody was also all right. 赛后的球队都回了酒店休息,教练和队员们也在交流这次输球的问题,都谈完了,大家也都没事了。 „Was good, early rest.” Head coach Liu Yifeng said. “行了,早休息吧。”总教练刘一峰道。 Han Li was still talking over, „Zhang Ye that song......” 韩力还在念叨呢,“要不是张烨那首歌……” Vice-president coach said: „Saw his song you not to select.” 副总教练说道:“看见他的歌你就别点开了啊。” Team rules of friendship: „Korea does not know that is Zhang Ye sings!” 一个队友道:“大韩也不知道是张烨唱的啊！” Side has a member not to speak, continuously in taking cell phone looks at Spring Festival live broadcast on Domestic network, suddenly, he broadcast in the Capital City Spring Festival live broadcast video. 旁边有一个队员没说话,一直在拿手机看国内网络上的春晚直播,突然,他播到了京城春晚的直播视频上。 Voice! 声音一下出来了！ „I review! I wanted to play all the time! Plays the table tennis to injure someone to cause self infliction, I later again play the table tennis, I from waste both hands! I, I refuse yellow to refuse to bet the rejection table tennis!” “我检讨！我太贪玩了！打乒乓球害人害己,我以后再打乒乓球,我就自废双手！我,我拒绝黄拒绝赌拒绝兵乓球！” In the room the person are stunned! 屋里人都一脸错愕！ „This who?” “这谁啊？” „What thing?” “什么东西啊？” „Rejection table tennis?” “拒绝兵乓球？” „Fuck this who said?” “我草这谁说的？” The team people encircle to look that immediately is startled the anger to occur simultaneously! 球队众人围过去一看,登时惊怒交加！ Zhang Ye! 张烨！ Your Uncle! 你大爷！ You must do!? 你要干什么啊！？ ...... …… On television. 电视上。 Sketch is still continuing. 小品还在继续。 Dong Shanshan smiles meaningfully, said: „I you told that the Chief Yao who adjusts newly, was skillful, he also likes playing the table tennis, he he, you know how to do?” 董杉杉意味深长地笑着,说道:“我这么跟你说吧,新调来的这位姚局长,巧了,他也喜欢打乒乓球,呵呵,你知道怎么做了吧？” „Section chief.” Zhang Ye hangs a balsam pear face, the Yin-Yang abort was saying: „Your this felt embarrassed me! I most can provide lodging one's own not to hit, where the chief I dares to manage!” “科长呀。”张烨挂着一张苦瓜脸,阴阳顿挫道:“你这就为难我了！我最多能管住自己不打,局长我哪敢管呀！” „Hahaha!” “哈哈哈！” „Who made you manage the chief feeding!” “谁让你管局长了喂！” „Hahahahaha!” “哈哈哈哈哈！” The audiences laugh, the mood also more and more invested! 观众大笑,情绪也越来越投入了！ Dong Shanshan was mad to turn supercilious look, stood up, has arrived by Zhang Ye, „Hao Jian, your this comprehended the intention ability is also too bad. Reasons for this include , because you ideologically did not strive for progressing, I told you, you must such get down again, this whole life was also a section member!” 董杉杉气得翻起了白眼,站起身,走到了张烨旁边,“郝建啊,你这领会意图的能力也是太差了。究其原因,就是因为你思想上不求上进,我告诉你啊,你要再这么下去,这辈子也就是个科员了！” A Zhang Ye face stands pleasantly surprised, said excitedly: „Real? I felt relieved! The work was finally stable!” Deeply bows! 张烨一脸惊喜地站起来,激动道:“真的吗？那我就放心了！工作总算是稳定了！”深深鞠躬！ Audiences: 观众: „Hahahaha!” “哈哈哈哈！” „I am not whoops good!” “哎呦我不行了！” „Zhang Ye this appearance owed! Hahaha!” “张烨这模样太欠了！哈哈哈！” „Develops really well!” “演得真好啊！” „They develop really well!” “俩人都演得真好啊！” The warm applause breaks out! 热烈的掌声响起来！ Dong Shanshan holds the forehead reluctantly, points at him saying: „Hao Jian! The present was your hobby has run upon the hobby of leadership, what opportunity was this?” A their hand upward leaf shouted, „this was let on your grandfather still moving corpse...... the good opportunity! Aren't you excited?” 董杉杉无奈地一扶额头,指着他道:“郝建！现在是你的爱好撞上了领导的爱好,这是一个什么样的机会？”她俩手往上一扇呼,“这是一个让你们家祖上都诈尸……的好机会呀！你不兴奋吗？” The audiences smile to pull out! 观众笑抽！ Zhang Ye blinks the eye, „where is center of excitation at?” 张烨眨巴眼睛,“兴奋点在哪呢？” Dong Shanshan took, entrained him saying: „Comes, you sit down, you looked that our branch will play the table tennis on your one, if you hit the table tennis accompanying the leader comfortably, you did not become favorite who led?” 董杉杉服了,拽着他道:“来来,你坐下,你看,咱们科就你一个会打乒乓球的,那你要是打乒乓球把领导给陪舒服了,那你不就成为领导身边的红人了吗？” Zhang Ye is perplexed, „favorite?” 张烨不明所以,“红人？” Dong Shanshan hit a sound to refer, visits him saying: „( Wei Xiaobao who Zhang Xiaohe this novel character of world, character experiences similar Zhang Ye that world), accompanies the emperor to practice the martial arts, what did that open the creek finally becomes?” 董杉杉打了一个响指,看着他道:“张小河（这世界的小说人物,人物经历类似张烨那个世界的韦小宝）,陪皇帝练武术,那最后张小河成什么了？” Zhang Ye blinks: „...... Court eunuches.” 张烨眨眼:“……太监呀。” „Puff Hahaha!” “噗哈哈哈！” „Court eunuch?” “太监？” „Whoops!” “哎呦！” „Hahahahaha!” “哈哈哈哈哈！” The audiences smiled to turn again! 观众再一次笑翻了！ Dong Shanshan took thoroughly, setting out speechless [say / way]: „Was good, you do not need to understand.” She took a stroll several steps toward the desk that side, „the only duty that starting today, you go to work every day is to practice the table tennis, puts that work, distinguishes clearly primary and secondary!” Carries the cup to drink tea. 董杉杉彻底服了,起身无语道:“行了,你呢也不需要明白了。”她往办公桌那边溜达了几步,“从今天开始,你每天上班的唯一任务就是练习乒乓球,把那个工作呀放一放,分清主次！”端起杯子喝了口茶。 The Zhang Ye perspiration said: „I cannot put the work not to do play ball with the leader daily!” in addition, „that inadequate bootlicker?” 张烨汗道:“那我也不能放着工作不干天天陪领导打球吧！”一顿,加了一句,“那不成马屁精了吗？” The Dong Shanshan squatting down teacup has sat down, one leg on the other curls upwards the eyeball one horizontal, with a near Northeastern Mandarin mouth tone channel: „Whom said? Whose said bootlicker?” 董杉杉蹲下茶杯一屁股就坐下了,二郎腿翘起来眼珠子一横,用一口偏近东北话的口音道:“说谁呢？说谁马屁精呢？” „I am not this meaning!” Zhang Ye busy explanation. “我不是这个意思！”张烨忙解释。 Dong Shanshan flings the hair, the demeanor and Mao [say / way]: „Is competent you to do! It is not competent you to walk! Gives me to empty that position, hey, I also really told you.” Her character character said loudly: „Our country! Does not lack will play the table tennis!” 董杉杉一甩头发,声色并茂道:“能干你就干！不能干你就走！把那个位置给我空出来,嘿,我还真告诉你。”她一字一字大声道:“我们国家！就不缺会打乒乓球的！” Under stage immediately an applause! 台下顿时一片掌声！ „Hahaha!” “哈哈哈！” „Good!” “好！” „Good!” “好！” „Hahahahaha!” “哈哈哈哈哈！” The audiences laugh while applaud, some people quickly fell from the chair! 观众一边大笑一边鼓掌,有人都快从椅子上摔下去了！ ...... …… Overseas. 国外。 Liu Yifeng several coach faces were black! 刘一峰几个教练脸都黑了！ Other Han Li and member faces were green! 韩力和其他队员脸都绿了！ Fuck! 我草！ What Sketch his mother is!? 这他妈是什么小品啊！？ ...... …… 【Lantern Festival is joyful, today I write.】 【元宵节快乐,今儿我多写点。】 ...... ……