On television. 电视上。 Yao Jiancai stops the bicycle to walk silly: „Em? What's the matter? Who can kidnap and sell you?” 姚建才傻乎乎地停下自行车走过来:“恩？怎么回事儿？谁要拐卖你呀？” Dong Shanshan inarticulate [say / way]: „It is not, he kidnapped and sold.” 董杉杉嘴笨道:“不是,他拐卖了。” Yao Jiancai looks to him, „do you want to kidnap and sell?” 姚建才看向他,“你要拐卖呀？” Audiences: „Hahahaha!” 观众:“哈哈哈哈！” Zhang Ye glances him, „does your what look, kidnap and sell? Kidnaps and sells me to kidnap and sell this? You buy!” 张烨一瞥他,“你啥眼神啊,拐卖？拐卖我能拐卖这样的？你买啊！” Present Dong Shanshan is a little ugly! 现在的董杉杉是有点丑！ Audiences: „Hahahahaha!” 观众:“哈哈哈哈哈！” A Yao Jiancai mouth northeast voice: „Hey, you what's the matter is this?” 姚建才一嘴东北口音:“嘿,你们到底怎么回事儿这是？” Dong Shanshan hollow laugh: „Both of us are the couple, plays in this!” 董杉杉干笑:“我们俩是两口子,在这玩呢！” Zhang Ye also smiles: „He He, is all right to play!” 张烨也笑:“呵呵呵,没事儿玩呢！” Yao Jiancai said to scene: „This couple, does big new year's celebration place, sell the wife to play?” 姚建才冲着镜头道:“这两口子,大过年地,卖媳妇儿玩？” ...... …… Backstage. 后台。 Staff run. 一工作人员跑来。 „Leadership! Watched television the population to explode!” “领导！收视人数爆了！” „What? How many?” “什么？多少了？” „Could not have counted!” “还统计不出来！” „How do you know?” “那你怎么知道的？” „Counts Viewership Ratings that side staff to disclose! Said after Leader Zhang Sketch starts, watches television the population on the straight line upward wind! Rose insanely!” “是统计收视率那边的工作人员透露的！说张导的小品开始以后,收视人数就直线往上飙！都涨疯了！” „Good! Good! Good!” “好！好！好！” „The Zhang Ye rallying point is big!” “还是张烨号召力大啊！” „keep it up Leader Zhang! Looks to be many!” “加油啊张导！看能达到多少！” „Can our times break the record?” “咱们这次要破纪录了吗？” „All looked how Sketch developed!” “全看小品怎么演了啊！” ...... …… Sketch is still continuing. 小品还在继续。 Yao Jiancai had been flickered successfully by Zhang Ye. 姚建才已经成功被张烨忽悠住了。 Zhang Ye said with a smile: „In recent time, had felt that your some whole body spot, is different from the past. You think that you make an effort to think!” 张烨笑道:“在最近的一段时间内,感觉没感觉到你的浑身某个部位,跟过去不一样了。你想,你使劲想！” Yao Jiancai finds the clue make: „I have not felt that I feel my this face is getting bigger and bigger?” 姚建才摸了摸头:“我没觉着啊,我就觉着我这脸越来越大呀？” Audiences: „Hahahaha!” 观众:“哈哈哈哈！” Zhang Ye fires refers to: „Was right, this is not the main illness! You know why your face is big? Was your nerve ending necrosis suppresses above in a big way.” 张烨一打响指:“对了,这不是主要病症！你知道你的脸为什么大吗？是你的末梢神经坏死把上边憋大了。” Yao Jiancai is stunned: „Which that is suppresses?” 姚建才愕然:“那是哪憋的呢？” A Zhang Ye finger: „Below waist, foot upward!” 张烨一指:“腰部以下,脚往上！” Yao Jiancai: „Leg?” 姚建才:“腿呀？” Zhang Ye: „Enemy!” 张烨:“对头！” Yao Jiancai shakes the head: „It is not right, my leg not anything big problem!” 姚建才摇头:“不对,我腿没啥大毛病！” The Zhang Ye eyeball turns, points at him to say loudly: „Walks two steps! Walks two steps! Has not gotten sick two steps! Walks!” 张烨眼珠子一翻,指着他大声道:“走两步！走两步！没病走两步！走！” Audiences: 观众: „Hahahaha!” “哈哈哈哈！” „Whoops Zhang Ye owed!” “哎呦张烨太欠了！” „wicked he!” “缺德啊他！” Yao Jiancai was also frightened, the movement is very stiff: „All various professions, walk the gait to walk the gait two steps to walk two.” 姚建才也被吓到了,动作很僵硬:“行行,走两步走走走两步走两步就走两步。” Zhang Ye: „Stops! Don't your shoes have the problem? One with high one with low?” 张烨:“停！你鞋没毛病吧？一跟高一跟低？” Yao Jiancai: „This is travel shoes, dies with the place!” 姚建才:“这是旅游鞋,死跟地！” Zhang Ye: „Enemy, is your leg is sick, a leg is short! Like this, I give you argument. Believes, your leg along with my hand toward raising high, can lift raises high high, downward makes an effort to fall, is good? Believes? The leg assigns to be sick, the right leg is short! Come, gets up!” 张烨:“对头,就是你的腿有病,一条腿短！这样吧,我给你调调。信不信,你的腿随着我的手往高抬,能抬多高抬多高,往下使劲落,好不好？信不信？腿指定有病,右腿短！来,起来！” Dong Shanshan is looking at the same time curiously. 董杉杉在一边好奇地看着。 Yao Jiancai lifts the leg anxiously! 姚建才紧张地抬起腿！ Zhang Ye makes an effort to fall! 张烨手使劲落下！ Yao Jiancai also layer on layer stops over! 姚建才也重重落脚！ Lifts the foot! 抬脚！ Stop over! 落脚！ Lifts the foot! 抬脚！ Stop over! 落脚！ Finally Zhang Ye finger of he: „Stops! Hemp?” 最后张烨一指他:“停！麻没？” Yao Jiancai is shocked: „Hemp!” 姚建才惊呆:“麻了！” Dong Shanshan hurries to draw Zhang Ye, said surprisedly: „, His how hemp?” 董杉杉赶紧把张烨拉过去,惊疑道:“诶,他咋麻了呢？” Zhang Ye roll one's eyes: „Nonsense, you stamp your also hemp!” 张烨翻白眼:“废话,你跺你也麻！” ...... …… The audience one spurted! 现场观众一下喷了！ „Hahahahaha!” “哈哈哈哈哈哈！” „I am not whoops good!” “哎呦我不行啦！” „This pit goods!” “这坑货！” „Old Yao by pit!” “老姚又被坑了！” „Hahahahaha Hahaha!” “哈哈哈哈哈哈哈哈！” „Do you stamp your also hemp? This word was too classical Fuck!” “你跺你也麻？这词太经典了我草！” ...... …… Zhang Ye: „Walks, walks! Do not control, the leg 100% are sick, do not control, relaxes! Walk! Walks! Walks, walks quickly! Walks, do not think that you do follow me very? Walks, was bit by bit good, walks.” 张烨:“走起来,走起来！别控制,腿100有病,别控制,放松！走！走走走！走,快走！走,别想,你跟我走好不？走起来,一点一点就好了,走。” Yao Jiancai staggering follows to walk behind Zhang Ye, more walks is more crooked, more walks is more crooked, „, oh my mother!” 姚建才踉踉跄跄地跟在张烨后面走,越走越歪,越走越歪,“诶呀,诶呀,诶呀,哎呀我的妈呀！” Zhang Ye said with a smile: „Right, you walk!” 张烨笑道:“对,你走！” Dong Shanshan said with amazement: „Good leg flickering lamely!” 董杉杉惊讶道:“好腿给忽悠瘸啦！” Yao Jiancai turns head: „What did you say?” 姚建才回头:“你说啥？” Zhang Ye he he smiles: „Do you look? My wives looked, she said that you were flicker lame.” 张烨呵呵一笑:“你看着没？我媳妇儿都看出来了,她说你忽忽悠悠就瘸了。” Yao Jiancai is about to have cried, „old younger sister, how hasn't that this early discovered?” 姚建才都快哭了,“老妹儿啊,那这早咋没发现呢？” Dong Shanshan smiles: „That is you early has not met him, you early met him to be already lame!” 董杉杉一笑:“那是你早没碰见他,你早碰见他早就瘸了！” ...... …… Grandma. 姥姥家。 Three younger sisters have smiled to pull out! 三妹妹已经笑抽了！ Two younger sisters squat on the ground cover the belly to smile! 二妹妹蹲在地上捂着肚子笑！ The whole families double with laughter! 一家人都前仰后合！ „Too comedy!” “太搞笑了！” „Little Ye is really bad!” “小烨真坏啊！” „How this thinks!” “这怎么想的啊！” „Hahahahaha!” “哈哈哈哈哈！” ...... …… Sketch has gotten on soundings. 小品已经渐入佳境。 The laughter of audience has not stopped! 台下观众的笑声就没停过！ Yao Jiancai: „Leans on to turn?” 姚建才:“拄拐？” Zhang Ye: „Please sit down, after leaning on turns, your two legs have balanced gradually, was bit by bit good, I initially, an old man saw that my leg is sick, she loves dearly money, does not make me see a doctor, finally, was remnant.” Pats the leg, „inside has the steel plate, cannot return curved.” 张烨:“请坐,拄上拐之后,你的两条腿逐渐就平衡了,一点一点也就好了,我当初,一个老头看出我腿有病,她就心疼钱,不让我看病,最后,残了。”一拍腿,“里头有钢板,回不过来弯。” Yao Jiancai startled [say / way]: „Is this waste leg?” 姚建才惊道:“这是条废腿呀？” Dong Shanshan: „Our is the good leg.” 董杉杉:“咱这是好腿。” Zhang Ye snort|hum said: „You said anything! The good leg who to lean on to turn?” 张烨哼道:“你说啥呢！好腿谁拄拐呀？” Yao Jiancai: „Yes.” 姚建才:“是啊。” The Dong Shanshan interruption said: „That turns is not” 董杉杉打断道:“那拐不是” Yao Jiancai has gotten angry, „oh I said the big younger sister! Did you leave old mess about to be good? This is between the patient and patient in the discussion condition, you mix anything this are!” 姚建才怒了,“哎呀我说大妹子！你就别老跟着瞎搅和了行不行啊？这是病人和病人之间在探讨病情,你老跟着掺啥呀这是！” Dong Shanshan air/Qi ignorant! 董杉杉气蒙！ ...... …… Backstage. 后台。 Some actors performed to finish, was gathering round looks at Spring Festival. 有些演员演出结束,也都在围着看春晚。 For example Zhang Yuanqi. 比如章远棋。 For example Chen Guang Fan Wenli. 比如陈光范文丽。 For example the person of Ci Xiufang team. 比如慈秀芳团队的人。 At this moment, they also smiled to hoodwink! 此刻,他们也一个个笑蒙了！ „Hahahahaha!” “哈哈哈哈哈！” „My tears!” “我的眼泪！” „It is not good is not good!” “不行了不行了！” „Must smile!” “要笑死了！” ...... …… On screen. 屏幕上。 Yao Jiancai: „Which does that in buy to turn?” 姚建才:“那得在哪买拐呢？” Dong Shanshan said: „This, happen to did not turn this sold to you.” 董杉杉道:“这不是吗,正好把这副拐就卖给你。” However, Zhang Ye was angry: „What did you say? In the past! What sells? What sells-out me to lean on to turn? Your this? Did the women dig out, give to him not to end?” 然而,张烨却恼了:“你说啥呢？过去！卖啥呀？卖完我拄什么拐啊？你怎么这样呢？女人抠,送给他不就完了吗？” Yao Jiancai: „No!” 姚建才:“别呀！” Dong Shanshan is stunned: „Doesn't sell?” 董杉杉愕然:“不卖啦？” Zhang Ye the turning same place: „Meets to turn!” 张烨把拐一起:“接拐！” Yao Jiancai said excitedly: „, Brother, oh brother, I cannot take something for free, I must give money.” 姚建才激动道:“呀,老弟,哎呀老弟,我不能白要,我得给钱。” Zhang Ye smacks the lips: „I know your disposition, her woman has asked for money, you also feel awkward do not give, you are concerned about face, I should not be equal to looking down upon you, not? I must want, to half, 100.” 张烨咂咂嘴:“我知道你性格,她女人要钱了,你也磨不开不给,你要脸,我不要就等于瞧不起你,是不？我还得要,给一半,100。” Yao Jiancai said immediately: „Yeah, good all various professions.” 姚建才马上道:“哎,行行行。” Zhang Ye said with a smile: „I told you many to be anxious with you to me!” 张烨笑道:“我告诉你多给我跟你急啊！” Yao Jiancai took out money, turned for quite a while: „The brother, brother that anything, my these two pockets add together 32 dollars.” 姚建才掏钱,翻了半天:“诶呀老弟呀,老弟那什么,我这俩兜加一块才32块钱。” Dong Shanshan receives, sighs angrily said: „That is taking, wants many are many.” 董杉杉一把接过来,叹气道:“那就拿着吧,要多少是多呀。” But at this time. 可是这时候。 The Zhang Ye sudden eyeball stares: „What bicycle wants?” He strains the voice to shout: „What bicycle wants?” 张烨突然眼珠子一瞪:“要什么自行车？”他扯着嗓门喊道:“要啥自行车？” Audiences: „Hahahahaha!” 观众:“哈哈哈哈哈！” Yao Jiancai pats the forehead, hurried to push a cart, „, yes!” 姚建才一拍脑门,赶紧去推车了,“哎呀,对对对！” Zhang Ye stares Dong Shanshan saying: „Your how such type?” 张烨瞪着董杉杉道:“你咋这么个样呢？” The Dong Shanshan air/Qi cries: „I had not said that wants the bicycle? Wanting bicycle that you said!” 董杉杉气哭:“我没说要自行车呀？你说的要自行车！” ...... …… Audiences: 观众: „Hahahahaha!” “哈哈哈哈哈哈！” „Laughed at me whoops!” “笑死我了哎呦！” „This too joking!” “这太逗比了！” „What bicycle wants? Pū Hahahaha!” “要啥自行车？噗哈哈哈哈！” „Was too classical!” “太经典了啊！” ...... …… Old Wu. 老吴家。 Li Qinqin smiles tears that while scratches comes out happily! 李琴琴一边笑一边擦乐出来的眼泪！ Wu Mo already laughed out loud, exhaust fumes! 吴默已然笑岔了气,正在一口口回气！ „Smiled to faint!” “笑晕了！” „So to be how funny!” “怎么这么逗啊！” „Which others said the bicycle!” “人家哪儿说自行车了啊！” ...... …… On television. 电视上。 Zhang Ye angrily said: „Was laughed, this wife I could not control, wanted the bicycle with the person!” 张烨气道:“见笑了啊,这媳妇儿我也管不了了,就跟人要自行车！” Dong Shanshan gets angry: „I had not said that wants the bicycle!” 董杉杉怒道:“我没说要自行车！” Yao Jiancai hurries saying: „Brother, you leave old pissed off, I feel my big younger sister these words said reasonable, you said that looks like my this leg and foot, basically on farewell bicycle!” 姚建才赶紧道:“老弟,你别老生气,我觉着我大妹子这句话说的还是有道理的,你说像我这腿脚呢,基本就告别自行车了！” Another classical lines! 又一句经典台词！ The audience laugh like the thunder! 全场爆笑如雷！ Laughter nearly No. 1 telecast hall ceiling throwing off! 笑声险些把一号演播厅顶棚给掀翻了！ Dong Shanshan was angry, has snatched the vehicle: „It is not good! You cannot want others bicycle!” The car(riage) toward Yao Jiancai, „you a bit faster takes, pushes, you do not know that this is the pit you!” 董杉杉气坏了,一把抢过车子:“不行！你不能要人家自行车！”把车往姚建才手里塞,“你快点拿回去,推回去,你不知道他这是坑你呢！” Yao Jiancai also angrily said: „You are the pit I! Your this? I wondered, similarly is lives together the couple, how the self-conduct disparity such greatly pinches!!” 姚建才也气道:“你这是坑我！你怎么这样呢？我就纳闷了,同样是生活在一起的两口子,做人的差距怎么这么大捏！！” Dong Shanshan: „......” 董杉杉:“……” Zhang Ye smiles: „Brother, the frame turns!” 张烨一笑:“兄弟,架拐！” Yao Jiancai feels grateful: „Brother, fate!” 姚建才感激道:“老弟,缘分呐！” ...... …… The audiences smile ignorant! 观众笑蒙！ „Hahahahaha!” “哈哈哈哈哈！” „Old Yao these two goods!” “老姚这二货！” „Zhang Ye has lacked old virtue!” “张烨缺了老德啦！” „Teased me!” “逗死我了！” „Whoops could not gasp for breath!” “哎呦喘不上气了！” „Has not looked at such funny Sketch!” “从没看过这么好笑的小品啊！” ...... …… Sketch last act. 小品尾声。 This final receives, is receives shocking peerless! 这最后的一收,也是收的惊艳绝伦！ Zhang Ye is pushing the bicycle, said to the wife: „What also takes a look at you? Have you also loved dearly? Walks, changes a place!” 张烨推着到手的自行车,对媳妇儿道:“还瞅什么啊你？你还心疼了咋的？走,换个地方！” Dong Shanshan said: „Why also to go?” 董杉杉啊道:“还干啥去呀？” Zhang Ye kicks the car(riage) support, shows a faint smile: „Looks for a leg and foot not to be good, sells him the bicycle!” 张烨一踢车支子,微微一笑:“找个腿脚不好的,把自行车卖他！” Sketch finished! 小品结束了！ At this moment, the audiences burst with joy! 这一刻,全场都沸腾了！ At this moment, world Chinese burst with joy! 这一刻,全球华人都沸腾了！ Applause suddenly such as startling thunderclap general crack! 掌声猛然间如惊雷一般炸响！ Applause! 掌声！ Scream! 尖叫！ Shout! 呼喊！ Continuously! 此起彼伏！ ...... …… Before the television. 电视前。 The Tang Dazhang face was blue! 唐大章脸都青了！ How possible! 怎么可能！ This is how possible! 这怎么可能！ Suppressed! 压住了！ This axis actually was really suppressed by Zhang Ye! 这个轴竟然真被张烨压住了！ Crosstalk much the person who waits to look at the Zhang Ye joke, this moment complete silence! 相声界不少等着看张烨笑话的人,此刻鸦雀无声！ ...... …… Grandma. 姥姥家。 Three younger sister throats shouted mutely! 三个妹妹嗓子都喊哑了！ „It was good!” “太牛了！” „My brother was good!” “我哥太牛了啊！” „This Sketch certainly! Certainly!” “这小品绝了！绝了啊！” ...... …… Li Ke Director. 栗柯导演家。 „Develops really well!” “演得真好啊！” „The Sketch book is better!” “小品本子更好！” „These three people are really match certainly!” “这仨人真是绝配！” „Yes, was too tacit, this Sketch simply god!” “是啊,太默契了,这小品简直神了！” ...... …… On weibo. 微博上。 „trump card!” “杀手锏啊！” „Yes, originally trump card here!” “是啊,原来杀手锏在这儿呢啊！” „I initially also think that beforehand Crosstalk Sketch has gone against heaven's will very much, but also is guessing how Zhang Ye should press the bottom, has not thought! This his mother really not who!” “我当初还以为之前的相声小品已经很逆天了呢,还在猜张烨该怎么压底,没想到啊！这他妈真的没谁了！” „This is Sketch that I look at most comedy!” “这是我看过最搞笑的小品！” „With on!” “同上！” „From the beginning smiles the tail I!” “从头笑到尾啊我！” „I am also, the belly smiled to hurt!” “我也是,肚子都笑疼了！” „It was good!” “太棒了！” „Um, was too good!” “嗯,真的太棒了啊！” „Cried attractively!” “好看哭了！” „Simply cannot believe good!” “简直不敢相信的好啊！” „Zhang Ye for this year's Spring Festival, was really takes the special skill!” “张烨为了今年的春晚,真是把看家本领都拿出来了啊！” „This his mother is Sketch! This his mother is Spring Festival!” “这他妈才是小品！这他妈才是春晚啊！” This flash, all people before television have flash the misconception of that! 这一刹那,电视前的所有人都有那么一瞬间的错觉！ Spring Festival came back! 春晚回来了！ In the past that made the person love deluded Spring Festival, after many years, came back finally!! 当年那让人爱得如痴如醉的春晚,时隔多年,终于又回来了！！