...... …… Sun Wen sits on the hillside alone, the hand builds in the knee, refers to is clamping cigarette, has actually been clamping, has not handed the mouth. 孙文独自坐在山坡上,手搭在膝盖,指间夹着一支烟,却只是一直夹着,没有递到嘴边。 The cigarette ash lengthens slowly, is gradually on the wane like the burning hope. 烟灰慢慢变长,像正燃烧的希望逐渐凋零。 Got windy, the wind pastes the tread to blow from the distant place, the passing over gently and swiftly vegetation was luxuriantly green, has blown the past, the silk thread smog that the long cigarette ash and will raise swept together. 起风了,风贴着地面从远处吹过来,掠过草木葱茏,吹过前尘往事,将长长的烟灰和升起的丝缕烟雾一同吹走。 In the family/home gave him to arrange blind date, the outstanding student to come back from the big city, is always very marketable, but no can become- he was really not good. 家里给他安排了相亲,高材生从大城市回来,总是很抢手的,但没有一个能成-他是真的不行了。 Goes to the hospital to look secretly, the doctor said that is the mental issue, he does not know this psychology had been supported sequela, child who because was taken away by slow Wei, or because of other anything. 偷偷去医院看过,医生说那是心理问题,他不知道这个心理是被包养过的后遗症,还是因为被徐薇带走的孩子,亦或是因为别的什么。 In brief, he is not good, does not want to behave badly again. 总之,他不行了,也不想再作孽了。 Yes, such he, no matter married anyone in village, that destroyed others. 是的,这样的他,不管娶了村里的谁,那都是毁了人家。 Therefore naturally was regarded monster- 所以理所当然地被当成了怪物- He also did not have the means to say oneself also had two children outside, one son and one daughter. 他又没办法说自己在外面还有两个孩子,一儿一女。 He their surface have not seen, does not know that which they are, does not know how they pass now, even does not know that their which inborn days, only knew probably at winter that time. 他连他们的面都没见过,不知道他们在哪,不知道他们现在过得怎么样,甚至不知道他们哪天生日,只知道大概在冬天那时候。 Perhaps oneself are really a monster...... Sun Wen felt oneself live not like individual, initially went all out tests, goes out of the mountain village to go to the big city, wants to become outstanding, wants to leave this small mountain village forever. 也许自己真的是个怪物吧……孙文自己都觉得自己活得不像个人,当初拼了命的考出去,走出山村去到大城市,想要出人头地,想要永远地离开这个小山村。 But, he came back finally, brings outside countless scar, turned into the monster to come back. 可是,最终他还是回来了,带着在外面的累累伤痕,变成怪物回来了。 Gets out of trouble for more than ten years, finally returns to the zero point, for what? 兜兜转转十几年,最终又回到原点,到底为了什么？ He does not think clearly. 他想不明白。 The initial dream seems like a joke now, if can come again one time, perhaps from the beginning should not gain admission to what university, stayed here to look for woman marriage and having child, continued person of father's generation's that circle, light calm and steady, was the best choice. 当初的梦想现在看起来就像个笑话,如果能重来一次,也许从一开始就不该去考什么大学,留在这里找个女人结婚生子,延续父辈的那个圈,平平淡淡安安稳稳,是最好的选择。 Wife and kid hot head, very good, but regarding present him is also extravagant demands. 老婆孩子热炕头,很好,但对于现在的他来说也是一种奢求。 Last sparks/Mars preserves on the cigarette butt between referring, Sun Wen lifted the hand to pull out one ruthlessly, the pungent smell of filter tip combustion spilled into the throat, making his thin face wrinkle, has not actually spat, but deeply inspired, is feeling the pungency of lungs, threw the ground to grind the cigarette butt ruthlessly extinguishes, then the racket the buttocks stood. 最后一点火星留存在指间的烟头上,孙文抬起手狠狠抽了一口,过滤嘴燃烧的辛辣气味涌进喉咙,让他削瘦的脸皱起来,却没有吐出去,而是深吸口气,感受着肺部的辛辣,将烟头扔到地上狠狠碾灭,然后拍拍屁股站起来。 However over 30 years old, the lower back of that fitness robust man some rickets had gotten up initially, clothes lax hanging on the body, on the face did not have that vitality again, the windblown and sunburnt makes him turn into a coarse man, was only left over the vicissitudes. 不过三十多岁,当初那个健身壮汉的腰背已经有些佝偻起来,衣服松松垮垮的挂在身上,脸上再没那股朝气,风吹日晒的让他变成了一个糙汉子,只剩下沧桑。 The ignorance is a happiness, because they strove for not many, the wheat price rose three points, the pork fell more than one, can make them happy- Sun Wen envies them now very much, these people in village, before by these people who he looked down upon. 无知是种幸福,因为他们所求不多,麦子价格涨了三分,猪肉降了一块多,都能让他们开心起来-孙文现在很羡慕他们,村里的那些人,以前被他看不起的那些人。 The ruined temple in distant place the raising smoke from kitchen chimneys, he visits under the hillside, lifts the foot to walk toward that side, this custom is slow Wei studies, she always when 1 st 15 goes to Daidouji in Luo City suburb two columns to be fragrant, before he also snorted contemptuously, now actually also turns into a devout follower. 远处的破庙又升起炊烟,他望望山坡下,抬脚朝那边走过去,这习惯是和徐薇学来的,她总是在初一十五的时候去洛城郊外的大同寺上两柱香,以前他还嗤之以鼻,现在却也变成一个虔诚的信徒。 Because can feel the innermost feelings there him the tranquility. 因为在那里他能感受到内心的平静。 When quiet at dead of night, he of being able to fall asleep always thinks about that two children, imagines two babies to call father's appearance, the small short leg and small arm are so thin, crawls on him, then pulls out hurting that at heart, probably was gripped by a blade on the bottom of the heart revolves slowly, the blood tick-tock drips, icy cold. 每当夜深人静时,睡不着的他总是想起那两个孩子,想象着两个娃娃叫爸爸的样子,小短腿和小胳膊那么细,在他身上爬来爬去,然后心里就一抽一抽的疼,像是被一把刀扎在心尖上慢慢旋转,鲜血滴滴答答地淌出来,冰凉的。 At night is extruding him like a big hand, making him unable to ventilate, makes an effort to curl up one group oneself, wants to shrink to the dust. 黑夜就像一只大手在挤压着他,让他透不过气,使劲把自己蜷成一团,想要缩到尘埃里去。 Only the mercy is solemn and respectful at present, the buddhist image dignified idol can make him feel warm feeling, Sun Wen selects one slightly the incenses and candles, wields two to destroy completely the flame gently, goes forward to insert it to the incense burner, looks that the curling light smoke raises, flutters to the image of Buddha above. 只有眼前慈悲肃穆,宝相庄严的神像能让他感受到一丝暖意,孙文点起一小把香烛,轻轻挥两下灭掉火苗,上前把它插到香炉里,看着袅袅青烟升起,飘到佛像之上。 „Can eat together?” “要一起吃吗？” At this time near dusk, in the temple the vegetarian dishes have arranged, a gruel vegetable/dish, the senior monk only made the own share, now prepares to branch out half. 此时已近黄昏,庙里斋菜已经备好,一粥一菜,老和尚原本只做了自己的份,现在准备分出一半。 „Thanks.” “谢谢。” Sun Wen has not rejected, arrives at the backyard with him. 孙文没有拒绝,跟着他来到后院。 The vegetable/dish is the cabbage, senior monk the type on the hillside, the gruel are the millet gruel, buys under the hillside- or half-sell ,s half-donates. 菜是大白菜,老和尚自己在山坡上种的,粥是小米粥,在山坡下买的-或者说半买半送。 Nearby villager has to believe in Buddhism, there are does not believe that doubtful, occasionally when must work, bumps into the senior monk to would delivering some steamed buns or the rice flour, exhorts one: The master makes the Buddha bless me to sell some money / to make the Buddha bless my child to test first and so on, is reads thinks. 附近村里人有信佛的,也有不信的,还有半信半疑的,偶尔要做什么事时,碰到老和尚总会送些馒头或者米面,嘱咐一句:师傅让佛祖保佑俺多卖些钱/让佛祖保佑俺孩子考个第一之类,算是个念想。 The gruel are not many, two people divided one bowl to be then less, Sun Wen even can two drink cleanly it, but has not such done, received cold steamed bun that the senior monk handed over, with a chopsticks vegetable/dish, gruel, slowly chewing. 粥不多,两个人分一碗便更少了,孙文甚至可以两口把它喝干净,只是没有那样做,接过老和尚递来的冷馒头,用筷子一口菜,一口粥,慢慢嚼着。 When Luo City he has also eaten the vegetarian room with slow Wei to Daidouji together, there vegetarian dishes here are better , the vegetarian chicken vegetarian duck, various emaciated looks even compare to hotel not inferior many. 在洛城时他也和徐薇一起到大同寺吃过素斋,不过那里的斋菜比这里好很多,素鸡素鸭,各种菜色甚至比起酒店也不逊色多少。 Does not have tranquility at this moment. 只是没有此刻的宁静。 The sun set setting sun, two people in the ruined temple backyard, sit on the small wooden stool to have the dinner peacefully, wind are insufflating from the entrance, brings cool to the dusk of summer. 日暮斜阳,两个人在破败的寺庙后院,坐小木凳上安静地吃着晚饭,风儿从门口吹进来,给夏日的黄昏带来一丝清凉。 The last gruel will dial the mouth, Sun Wen sets out to wash the clean own dish to side, saw that in the barrel the water are not many, fetches two buckets of water from the well- in the present village has passed the running water, only then here also remains this antique, and is not easy-to-use, occasionally will not have the water, by that time needs to go to very far village to draw water, pushes with a small wheelbarrow. 将最后一口粥拨进嘴里,孙文起身到旁边洗干净自己的碗,看到桶里水已不多,又从井里打上来两桶水-现在村里都已经通上自来水,只有这里还剩这个老古董,且并不好用,偶尔还会没水,到那时就需要去很远的村子里去提水,用一个小小的独轮车推回来。 Outside world changes with each new day, actually small temple of no influence to this remote ravine, all stays when dozens years ago, making Sun Wen have to plant to return to the virgin not third dimension. 外面的世界日新月异,却没有影响到这偏远山沟沟里的小庙,一切都停留在几十年前,让孙文有种回到童时的不真实感。 He likes this feeling. 他喜欢这种感觉。 „In this world, really has the deity Buddha?” “这世界上,真的有神仙佛祖吗？” Since that thanks, Sun Wen said the second words, breaks the peace of ancient temple. 自那句谢谢后,孙文说出了第二句话,打破古庙的宁静。 The senior monk looked at his one eyes, shakes the head saying: „I do not know.” 老和尚看了他一眼,摇头道:“我不知道。” „You...... Sun Wen purses the lips here”, does not know that should use what word to be appropriate. “那你在这里……”孙文抿嘴,不知道该用什么词合适。 „Be used.” The senior monk actually understands that his meaning, pats on the racket to cover entirely the patch the clothes, „, otherwise can also go?” “习惯了而已。”老和尚却明白他的意思,拍拍身上布满补丁的衣服,“不然还能去哪呢？” „......” “……” Sun Wen is speechless. 孙文无言。 This thinks that is person of the hidden world practicing, has not thought that is only last years of life the old man who is incapable of struggling. 本以为是一个隐世修行之人,没想到只是一个风烛残年无力挣扎的老头子。 The custom is really a very terrible thing, when wants strove for not being probable on the contrary. 习惯真的是个很可怕的东西,想要时反倒求而不得。 He also wants to be familiar with the present life, actually remembers these to be lost at times outside thing. 他也想习惯现在的生活,却时时想起那些被遗落在外面的东西。 „Can look, you and they are different.” “看得出来,你和他们不一样。” The senior monk takes a tattered rush cushion to put the entrance, sits down to enjoy the cool air, looks at the distant place saying: „Some matters, could say with me, I almost must be buried in any case, anything cannot carry off, anything cannot stay behind.” He leans to look at Sun Wen, „outside world is what appearance, I have not seen.” 老和尚拿着一个破破烂烂的蒲团放到门口,坐下乘凉,望着远方道:“有些事,也许可以和我讲讲,反正我差不多也要入土了,什么也带不走,什么也留不下。”他侧头看一眼孙文,“外面的世界是什么样子,我还没见过。” „Outside...... outside is some demons and monsters.” “外面啊……外面都是些妖魔鬼怪。” Sun Wen smiled, the corners of the mouth pull the face, looks somewhat stiff. 孙文笑了,嘴角扯动脸庞,看上去有些僵硬。 About him has a look, has pulled a rush cushion, before putting the gate sits down, the back is relying on the doorframe, among the looks appears the recollection. 他左右看看,也扯过一个蒲团,放到门前坐下,后背倚着门框,神色间浮现出回忆。 Had betrayed the partner. 曾经背叛过伙伴。 Has destroyed others marriage. 毁坏过别人婚姻。 Has dropped out the dignity. 抛下过自身尊严。 Makes black with the competitor. 与竞争对手使黑。 Child who two could not recognize. 还有两个认不了的孩子。 And a freedom natural woman. 以及一个自由潇洒的女人。