93 at the end of the year, not the developed small county, Xu Yao at the back of the cloth wrapper that elder sister sews, walks in the messy and dirty alley, the both sides are the motley obsolete house, the watering pipeline rusty stain stained, every household the entrance has a trash can, is sending out the light stink. 93年末,并不发达的小县城,许耀背着姐姐缝制的布包,走在脏乱的小巷里,两侧是斑驳老旧的住宅,通水管道锈迹斑斑,每家每户门口都有一个垃圾桶,散发着淡淡的臭味。 He and elder sister lives in a piece of alley, the section is bad, the house rent is inexpensive, nowadays, in such a small county, enters a city to work to rent the person in house, but also rarely rarely. 他和姐姐住在一片小巷里,地段差,房租不贵,这年头,在这样一个小县城里,进城打工租房子的人,还很少很少。 Xu Yao arrives at the entrance, pulls out the key, opens the door. 许耀来到自家门口,掏出钥匙,开门。 Only then a 30 square meter small house, drew the curtain screen to separate two rooms, elder sister and younger brother two person. Room elder sister's only then a bed, the clothes receive in the box. 一间只有三十平米的小房子,拉了帘子隔开两个房间,姐弟俩一人一个。姐姐的只有一张床,衣服收在箱子里。 Xu Yao „room” were many a desk, a desk lamp, at that time for he bought the table desk lamp the time, elder sister loved dearly was very long, but clenched teeth to buy. 许耀的“房间”多了一张书桌,一盏台灯,当时给他买桌子台灯的时候,姐姐心疼了很久,但还是咬牙买了。 The food does in the corridor, oneself build a small earth stove, a pot, the unburned coal prepares food, is crude and simple. Good point others, have bought the gas-oven, but Xu Yao and elder sister do not have this condition. 饭是在楼道里做的,自家搭一个小土灶,一口锅,生煤做饭,简陋而简单。好一点的人家,已经买了煤气灶,但许耀和姐姐没这个条件。 In the past at this time, elder sister should light a fire to prepare food in the corridor, but is on vacation from school Xu Yao that went home to make some handmade articles, after that was elder sister got off work, outside the personal work of currency value external connection, every day can make several dollars. 往常这个时候,姐姐应该在楼道里生火做饭,而放学回家的许耀就会去做一些手工制品,那是姐姐下班后在外面额外接的私活,每天能多挣几块钱。 „Elder sister?” Xu Yao entered the room to shout, elder sister was not in the room. “姐？”许耀进屋喊了一声,姐姐不在房间里。 Possibly found what work outside, she this, strolls in the county frequently every day, then various work, only then can make money, matter that the man can do, she can also do. 可能是在外面找到了什么活儿,她经常这样,每天在县城里逛,接着各种活儿,只有能挣钱,男人能做的事,她也能做。 Xu Yao puts down the book bag, saw that the elder sister bedside puts the handmade article that one bag has not been completing, she should be has come back, went out to do grocery shopping? 许耀放下书包,看到姐姐床边放着一袋未完成的手工制品,她应该是回来过了,出去买菜了吗？ He is happy today, because in the school the score, he took the first name accidentally/surprisingly. 他今天心情不错,因为学校里测验成绩,他不出意外的拿了第一名。 teacher like this wear simple student very much, diligent, assiduous and earnest, said that he can test into the university good seedling. 老师们很喜欢这个穿着朴素的学生,勤奋、刻苦、认真,说他是能考上大学的好苗子。 That time teacher was simple and honorable, wished one could to pull out the lung to the student from the heart, bumped into the progressing studying seed, being intimate with son also likes. 那时候的老师多淳朴啊,恨不得对学生掏心掏肺,碰到个上进的读书种子,比亲儿子还喜欢。 Female schoolmate of that little while is also very pure, likes Study Tyrant, male student who likes progressing, even if Xu Yao long is very ordinary, the female student but who hands over the love letter to him in secret is the case everywhere. 那会儿的女同学也特别纯真,喜欢学霸,喜欢上进的男生,哪怕许耀长的很普通,但私底下给他递情书的女生比比皆是。 Was different from afterward love letter, the love letter of this little while, was very implicit, was very reserved, first wrote a modern poetry of some celebrity, end attached: You have what view to this poem. Then gives the boy who has a liking, if the boy is also interested to the girl, the reply, next day admits in her drawer secretly. 和后来的情书不一样,这会儿的情书,很含蓄,很内敛,先写一首某名人的现代诗,末尾附:你对这首诗有什么看法。然后递给看上的男孩,男孩如果对女孩也有兴趣,就回信,第二天偷偷放进她的抽屉里。 In the course of contacts, the story came. 一来二去,故事就来了。 The 18 flower season, the love is shy, is immature, but also is only beautiful. Crossed this age, again love, could not find that feeling. 十八花季,恋爱是青涩的,是不成熟的,但也是唯美的。过了这个年纪,再恋爱,也找不到那种感觉了。 But suggestion and love letter of Xu Yao to girl's, does not spare a glance, as if stands the statue in flowered rain, looks on flower petal to fall a piece by piece riotous, is disinclined to put out a hand to meet a happy flower petal. 可许耀对女孩的暗示、情书,不屑一顾,仿佛站在花雨中的石像,旁观着一片片花瓣缤纷落下,懒得伸手去接其中一片美好的花瓣。 The capital that he has not been in love, has no interest, the rural kids only know to immerse oneself in study, does not fall short of the elder sister's anticipation. 他没有谈恋爱的资本,更没兴趣,农村娃只知道埋头读书,不辜负姐姐的期待。 Moreover, his lilac flower fluttered with the wind Shanghai, wants to test Fudan, but high one that year, lilac flower marriage. 而且,他的丁香花随风飘到了沪市,原本是想考复旦的,但高一那年,丁香花结婚了。 Married Shanghai rascal. 嫁给了沪市的赤佬。 Xu Yao has not gotten strength back for a long time, once heard Shanghai to hit the person. 许耀好久都没缓过劲来,一度听到沪市就想打人。 He silent too low-key is too too reserved, throughout liking the mood pressed at heart, did not say liking of mouth, what value did have? 他太沉默太低调太内敛,始终把喜欢的情绪压在心里,可不说口的喜欢,有什么价值？ On the day of the marriage, Xu Yao went, from elder sister there taking the fare, is very expensive, expensive/noble to letting him almost cries. 结婚那天,许耀去了,从姐姐那里拿的车费,很贵,贵到让他差点哭出来。 At the wedding, his lilac flower is very attractive...... not, that is not his lilac flower. Is that when teacher the flower of man. 婚礼上,他的丁香花很漂亮......不,那已经不是他的丁香花。是那个当老师的男人的花儿。 Little Lan saw that he was very happy, the happiness of the heart, many gave a Xu Yao comfort. 小岚见到他很高兴,发自内心的高兴,多少给了许耀点安慰。 Girl who I like, she recovers the thousand gold (daughter) in me again, rejoiced that I in her, is not light as a swan's feather. 我喜欢的女孩,她在我心里重愈千金,庆幸我在她心里,并非轻如鸿毛。 The men see the newly-married wife with a smile. 男人含笑看着新婚妻子。 The wife said: This is younger brother of my native place. 妻子介绍说:这是我老家的弟弟。 The reality gave Xu Yao to strike heavily, at that time he was asking himself at heart, originally, was only younger brother ..... 现实给了许耀沉重一击,当时他在心里问自己,原来,只是弟弟么..... Pulls out the pain at heart suddenly, he still had not cried. 心里骤然间抽痛,他仍然没哭。 But cries truly, after is ended the wedding banquet, a few words that Xu Guang that boy speaks: Your this elder siscon problem, because of your elder sister. 但真正哭出来的时候,是结束婚宴后,许光那小子说的一句话:你这姐控的毛病,是因为你姐姐么。 Xu Yao cried, then he also punched to cry that boy. 许耀哭了,然后他把那小子也揍哭了。 Xu Guang also on the fresh time, changes into the present early, he definitely comforted Xu Yao in other words, for example: A'Rong does not cry, stands to rub. 许光也就生的时代早了点,换成现在,他肯定换句话安慰许耀,比如:阿荣不哭,站起来撸。 Xu Yao sits on the bed, is making the handicrafts, thinks. elder sister's to the winter on full is the frostbite, the dripping with blood. 许耀坐在床上,做着手工艺品,浮想联翩。姐姐的手一到冬天就满是冻疮,鲜血淋漓。 Unknowingly, it is getting dark, elder sister has not come back. 不知不觉,天快黑了,姐姐还是没回来。 Xu Yao decides to go downstairs to look, he closes the door, leaves the building of residence, in the corner, sees in the twilight, elder sister and a man are speaking, they are holding hands, indistinct can see the face of man. 许耀决定下楼找找,他关上门,离开居民楼,在转角处,看见暮色中,姐姐和一个男人在说话,他们俩牵着手,隐约中能看见男人的脸。 Is the calm and serious youth, when he and elder sister spoke, in the eye full was the happy expression. 是个沉稳而严肃的青年,他和姐姐说话时,眼里满是笑意。 Xu Yao sees his at the same time, the youth also saw Xu Yao, perhaps felt the youngster vision that in the corner braves is sharp, he gawked staring. 许耀看到他的同时,青年也看到了许耀,许是觉得转角里冒出来的少年目光过于锐利,他愣了愣。 This stares, elder sister discovered, turns the head to look following the vision of youth. 这一愣,姐姐就发现了,循着青年的目光转头望来。 The elder sister complexion changes, said with the youth in a low voice several, turns around to welcome to Xu Yao. 姐姐脸色微变,低声和青年说了几句,转身迎向许耀。 „Who is he?” Xu Yao asked. “他是谁？”许耀问。 „Friend ..... the friend, has helped my busy.” Xu Ru explained one simply, was not saying, changed the topic: „elder sister had the matter to come back late, A'Rong belly hungry.” “朋.....朋友,帮过我的忙。”许茹简单解释一句,不在多说,岔开话题:“姐姐有事回来晚了,阿荣肚子饿了没。” Xu Yao is looking at the back of youth, more walks is farther, vanishes in the curtain of night. 许耀望着青年的背影,越走越远,消失在夜幕中。 Since then, Xu Yao did not see the youth again, elder sister has also had no difference, every day work as always, suffers great hardships. 自那以后,许耀再没见过青年,姐姐也没什么异样,每天一如既往的做工,含辛茹苦。 ....... ....... In 1994, had two matters in this year, each let this small family faced with the total destruction. 1994年,这一年发生了两件事,每一件都让这个小家庭面临灭顶之灾。 A first matter, as a result of being shattered of real estate bubble, started the extremely terrifying economic crisis, without experiencing the person of that time is very difficult to imagine, that economic crisis fearful, that is the economy of direct collapse, by far afterward any economic crisis. Actually has collapsed one time in 90 years, by 94 years, two crises superimposed mutually, promote each other and inflation. 第一件事,由于房地产泡沫的破灭,掀起了极其恐怖的经济危机,没经历过那个时代的人很难想象,那次经济危机有多可怕,那是直接崩溃的经济,远胜后来的任何一次经济危机。其实早在90年就崩溃过一次,到了94年,两次危机相互叠加,相互促进、膨胀。 Bang! 砰！ The bubble collapses, does not know that persecuted to death many people. 泡沫崩溃,不知逼死了多少人。 Although stood firm this crisis in quite short time, but in this time, it creates has a great influence. 尽管在比较短的时间内稳住了这场危机,但在这段时间里,它造成的影响非常大。 The complementary waves that in the small county receives are not too big, but the day of resident indeed all of a sudden changes is hard. 小县城里受到的余波不算太大,但市民的日子的确一下子变的紧巴巴起来。 Causes Xu Ru to start unable to make money, the life is difficult to sustain. 导致许茹开始挣不到钱,生活难以为继。 A second matter, Xu Ru was pregnant. 第二件事,许茹怀孕了。 On that day Xu Yao still put in the excessive assignments in the school, prepared to make the sprint for the college entrance examination. 那天许耀还在学校扑在题海里,准备为高考做冲刺。 elder sister asks somebody to telephone the class head office, said oneself fell ill the hospitalization. 姐姐托人打电话到班主任办公室,说自己生病住院了。 Xu Yao rushes to the hospital, from the doctor mouth knew that elder sister was pregnant. 许耀赶到医院,从医生口中得知姐姐是怀孕了。 Bolt from the blue. 晴天霹雳。 „Do not work hard, the body is important, goes home to raise well.” The doctor complained said toward Xu Yao: „You is a her husband, how not to know the care......” “别太操劳了,身子骨要紧,回家好好养。”医生埋怨的朝许耀说:“你是她老公吧,怎么一点都不知道关心......” The doctor has not lied, elder sister that in dumbfounded has gotten back one's composure, embarrassed interruption: „He is my younger brother.” 医生还没说谎,懵逼中回过神的姐姐,窘迫的打断:“他是我弟弟。” Early of quite Xu Yao growth, in the contemporaries mouth long down, for the hair in pants crotch even more is thick and excited time, he looks at already likely an adult, at least not like high-school student. 许耀发育的比较早,在同龄人嘴边长绒毛,为裤裆里的毛发愈发浓密而心情激动的时候,他看着已经像个成人,至少不像高中生。 The doctor was also awkward, asked: „Your husband.” 医生也尴尬了一下,问:“那你老公了。” Silent. 沉默了。 elder sister and younger brother two silent. 姐弟俩沉默。 In goes home, probably nothing happened, elder sister sits in the bedside makes the handicrafts, Xu Yao sits in the table writes the examination paper. 回到家里,像是什么都没发生,姐姐坐在床边做手工艺品,许耀坐在桌边写试卷。 „pā dā!” “啪嗒！” The ball pen presses layer on layer/heavily in the desktop, the sound is not loud, but Xu Ru has a scare, her hand obviously shakes. 圆珠笔重重压在桌面,声音不大,但许茹吓了一跳,她的手明显一抖。 Xu Yao stands up, the complexion is dreary, he is looking straight ahead the elder sister's eye, pressing for an answer, „who that man is.” 许耀站起身,脸色阴郁,他直视着姐姐的眼睛,逼问,“那个男人是谁。” Xu Ru did not speak, Xu Yao did not speak, he is staring, was gradually red. 许茹不说话,许耀也不说话,他瞪着眼睛,渐渐赤红。 „A'Rong, you leave alone......” “阿荣,你别管......” „Is that man, is that man.” Xu Yao said loudly. “是不是那个男人,是不是那个男人。”许耀大声说。 Responded his is elder sister's is silent. 回应他的是姐姐的沉默。 All of a sudden, lit the powder cask probably. 一下子,像是点燃了炸药桶。 „You lay down in the hospital were so long, he has not come, was you have not contacted with him, isn't he willing to come?” Xu Yao holds elder sister's to walk toward out of the door: „Telephones, now contacts with him.” “你在医院躺了这么久,他没来,是你没联系他,还是他不肯来？”许耀拽着姐姐的手往门外走:“去打电话,现在就联系他。” „I do not go.” elder sister said. “我不去。”姐姐说。 Xu Yao gawked staring, exploded instantaneously, he bellowed was saying: „Are you concerned about face, we are poor, but we cannot do without the dignity, must understand the self-respect again poorly. If a woman does not treasure, her what/anything did not have.” 许耀愣了愣,瞬间爆炸了,他大吼着说:“你要不要脸,咱们是穷,但咱们不能没有尊严,再穷也要懂得自爱。一个女人如果连自己都不爱惜,那她就什么都没了。” „What to do you, are with the child now, you can raise. You solve the belt time after has thought you what to do, you must get married, your whole life destroyed you to know.” “你现在怎么办,怀了孩子,你能养吗。你解裤腰带的时候有想过你以后怎么办,你要不要嫁人了,你这辈子毁了你知道吗。” In the dim room, the youngster is hysteric, the complexion becomes flushed, the look is crazy. 昏暗的房间里,少年歇斯底里,脸色涨红,眼神疯狂。 On that day, he spoke many many excessive words. 那天,他说了很多很多过分的话。 Each looks like a blade, inserts in elder sister at heart. 每一句都像一把刀,插在姐姐心里。 Xu Yao was wild with rage, he hates, to hate that man, hates elder sister to lack self-respect. 许耀气疯了,他恨,恨那个男人,更恨姐姐不自爱。 elder sister sits in the bedside, lowers the head, sheds tears. 姐姐坐在床边,低着头,垂泪。 She eventually is a woman, the delicate woman, the life lets the firmness that she changes, certain aspects even go all out compared with the man, but in front of younger brother, her helpless sob, lowers the head. 她终究是个女人,柔弱的女人,生活让她变的刚强,某些方面甚至比男人更拼命,但在弟弟面前,她无助的哭泣,低着头。 Many years later, whenever thinks about this, the Xu Yao metropolis whole body trembles, body and mind pulling out pain from inside to outside. 很多年后,每当想起这一幕,许耀都会浑身发抖,身心从内到外的抽痛。 „Each a few words I remember very clearly, each few words print in my at heart. I hated past, I was too selfish, has not thought her feeling, has not thought she at that time suffering, was no use, longs for that some people held her, like falling into the person in mire, is longing for some people can extend the aid, but my younger brother, actually the handle she stepped on ruthlessly.” Xu Yao cried. “每一句话我都记得很清楚,每一句话都印在我的心里。我恨当年的自己,我太自私了,从没有想过她的感受,没想过她当时有多委屈,多无助,多渴望有人扶她一把,就像陷入泥沼中的人,渴望着有人能伸出援手,而我这个弟弟,却狠狠一脚把她踩了下去。”许耀失声痛哭。 Two -year-old lose the father, four -year-old lose mother. 两岁失去父亲,四岁失去母亲。 elder sister suffers great hardships him fosters to grow up, young young girl, in hand the cocoon of unpolished rice as if for many years the man of practical training. 姐姐含辛茹苦把他抚养长大,十几岁的少女,手上粗粝的茧子仿佛经年劳作的汉子。 elder sister works for him diligently studies to become a useful adult, the daily breakfast is the gruel with three steamed buns, why takes three steamed buns, that is keeps noon meals, the steamed bun with the brined vegetable, she ate many years. 姐姐努力打工供他读书成材,每天的早饭是稀饭配三个馒头,为什么要三个馒头,那是留到中午的伙食,馒头配咸菜,她吃了很多年。 It is not willing to see somebody off him from the childhood, to growing up, she did not have an object not to get married, left younger brother all time, left younger brother all hopes. 从小时候不肯把他送人,到长大了,她没处对象没结婚,把所有的时光留给了弟弟,把所有的希望留给了弟弟。 But younger brother has not forgiven her. 可弟弟并没有体谅她。 Qin Ze silent looks at this man, at this moment, he ripped all coats, succeeds, serious, scenery...... 秦泽沉默的看着这个男人,此刻,他剥去了所有外衣,成功的,严肃的,风光的...... He squats before the elder sister's grave, likely child of collapse, crying likely fool. 他蹲在姐姐的坟前,像个崩溃的孩子,哭的像个傻逼。 The regret is regrettable, because it is doomed unable to make up. 遗憾之所以是遗憾,因为它注定无法弥补。 In thin that you cry crash-bang, rending of crying, you hated initial, wished one could the time to flow backwards to make up for the past mistake, but the life will never give you second inferior opportunity. 你哭的稀里哗啦,哭的撕心裂肺,你痛恨当初的自己,恨不得时光倒流能弥补过去的错误,可人生永远不会给你第二次机会。 Therefore, you go all out wants to recognize my nephew. 所以,你拼了命的想认回我这个外甥。 To make up for own mistake, wants to comfort that hides at heart, day after day the sharp pain the distress? 想弥补自己的过错,想安抚那份藏在心里,日复一日绞痛着的苦楚？ „Afterward?” Qin Ze hoarse voice, asked. “后来呢？”秦泽嘶哑着嗓音,问道。 Recommends a book of friend: «Main road Hong furnace» 推荐一本朋友的书:《大道洪炉》