Xu Yao since recording events, is follows the elder sister life. 许耀打从记事起,就是跟着姐姐生活。 The father in him just the birth second year, in the town dug the reservoir the time, lost footing to plunge to death from the dike. As a result of background issue, at that time symbolic compensated some grain coupons to settle this matter. 父亲在他刚出生第二年,镇子上挖水库的时候,从堤坝上失足摔死。由于时代背景的问题,当时象征性的赔了些粮票就把这事了结了。 When mother when he four years old fell ill to pass away. 母亲在他四岁时生病去世。 In the late 70's, the 13 little miss brings five -year-old younger brother, difficult sought a livelihood from the God gap between teeth. 70年代末,十三小姑娘带着五岁的弟弟,艰难的从老天爷的牙缝里讨生活。 Starting from the 13 year, elder sister must under the Sir on following town/subdues work, she will deliver to younger brother the great uncle family/home of next door. 从十三岁开始,姐姐就要跟着镇上的大人下地干活,她会把弟弟送到隔壁的叔公家里。 After the parents passed away, originally not many relatives are not willing to help look after two children in such an arrangement, Xu Ru do not blame them, after all which family/home is not easy, opens mouth to eat meal, is really a matter awfully. 父母去世后,本来就不多的亲戚都不愿意帮忙照顾两个拖油瓶,许茹并不怪他们,毕竟谁家都不容易,多张嘴吃饭,真的是件要命的事。 Only the great uncle family/home will give financial aid them occasionally. 只有叔公家会偶尔接济他们。 Actually said is the great uncle, relations that also a little has ties of kinship before many generations. 其实说是叔公,也只是在很多辈前有点沾亲带故的关系。 Traces, Xu Family Town person surnamed Xu, proceeds to push several generations, can have the relativeness. 追溯起来,许家镇姓许的人,往前推个几辈,很多都能带点亲戚关系。 The great uncle family/home has one son and one daughter, the daughter calls Xu Lan, the son to call Xu Guang. 叔公家有一子一女,女儿叫许岚,儿子叫许光。 Xu Lan and Xu Ru age is similar, only missed two -year-old, two people are very good playmates. 许岚和许茹年纪相仿,只差了两岁,两人是很好的玩伴。 However the destiny, making two girls take the entirely different path. 11 Xu Lan is still going to the elementary school, 13 Xu Ru has climbed mountains to chop firewood, goes the fields the farm. 然而命运,让两个女孩走上了截然不同的道路。十一许岚还在上小学,十三许茹已经上山砍柴,下田种地。 The barren and backward small town, are many like the girl who her under works, but like her to live difficultly, no. 贫瘠而落后的小镇子,像她这样下地干活的女孩很多,但像她这样艰苦为生的,没有。 Over year, fierce of Xu Ru body debt, had. the big sickness, very has almost not come 隔年,许茹身子骨亏空的厉害,生了场大病,差点没挺过来。 Has to elder sister and younger brother two indifferently regarding the relative is unable to continue watching, urging of doing best to convince, making Xu Ru see somebody off younger brother. Which age the boys are popular, always some people can want. 就有对姐弟俩漠然视之的亲戚看不下去,苦口婆心的劝,让许茹把弟弟送人了。男孩在哪个年代都吃香,总有人会要。 One, are laborious, can is more peaceful. 自己一个人,再辛苦,也能过的安生些。 But Xu Ru has not complied, scolded the relative. Said even if dies will not pack off younger brother, what face countenance otherwise there is to go to under the insight parents? 但许茹没答应,把亲戚骂走了。说就算死也不会送走弟弟,不然有什么颜面去见地底下的父母？ Said that long elder sister stepmother, the least bit is good. 都说长姐如母,半点都不错。 In this impoverished age, elder sister and younger brother two are bound by a common destiny. 在这个贫困的年代里,姐弟俩相依为命。 The knowledge can change the destiny, the knowledge can create the wealth. 知识能改变命运,知识能创造财富。 Studying is the only outlet. 读书是唯一的出路。 Xu Ru finished the elementary school to discontinue studies, that time, was very normal. 许茹读完小学就辍学了,那个时代,也很正常。 younger brother Xu Yao is the studying seed, is very intelligent, three tile-roofed houses in the town builds in the elementary school that no one can read him. 弟弟许耀是读书种子,很聪明,在镇子里三间瓦房搭成的小学里,没人能读过他。 Therefore she wants younger brother to have prospects, can change the destiny, goes mad because of poverty person who fears painstakingly, the biggest hope changes the destiny. 所以她希望弟弟有出息,能改变命运,穷疯苦怕的人,最大的渴望就是改变命运。 Xu Yao long at age 13, without money attended the junior middle school, was Xu Ru asked that the person in town lent money, first knocked. 许耀长十三,没钱读初中,是许茹问镇子里的人借钱,一个头一个头磕出来的。 On that day had the light rain, Xu Ru is kneeling before showing the gate of paternal aunt family/home, the front door is shutting tightly, how unable to seek the school expense. 那天下着小雨,许茹跪在表姑家的门前,大门紧闭着,怎么都求不来学费。 She kowtows , Xu Yao stood side her at that time, looks that the elder sister pants leg stains the rainwater and sludge, straightened one's neck saying: „Elder sister, I do not read, at the worst farmed.” 她就磕头,一个又一个,当时许耀站在她身旁,看着姐姐裤管沾满雨水和污泥,梗着脖子说:“姐,我不读了,大不了种地。” Too tired, was too tired. 太累了,真的太累了。 He does not want to be the elder sister's burden, does not want to continue to study, at that time shortly after the college entrance examination system just restored, is popular the theory of the futility of studying books everywhere. 他不想一直是姐姐的负担,不想继续读书,当时高考制度刚恢复不久,到处都流行着读书无用论。 The fearful theory of the futility of studying books, spread entire for half a century. 可怕的读书无用论,流传了整整半个世纪。 Xu Yao does not want the time waste in the classroom, he to be the same with Xu Guang, fishing three days and drying the nets two days, but Xu Guang is skips classes to play blindly, but he wants to go the fields helps elder sister farm. 许耀不想把时间浪费在课堂,他想和许光一样,三天打鱼两天晒网,只不过许光是逃课出去瞎玩,而他想下田帮姐姐种地。 But Xu Ru hit younger brother a slap ruthlessly, said sternly: „Does not study you to have what outlet, how you do not study change the destiny, does not study you for a lifetime is the rubes.” 但许茹狠狠打了弟弟一巴掌,厉声道:“不读书你有什么出路,你不读书怎么改变命运,不读书你一辈子都是泥腿子。” A little person of knowledge culture, sees many thick patches of grass to rise, instead propagandizes to study uselessly. 有点知识文化的人,见过不少草莽崛起,反而宣传起读书无用。 Person who without the culture, actually forever keeps firmly in mind studies the change destiny, has saying that is a satire. 没有文化的人,却始终牢记着读书改变命运,不得不说是一种讽刺。 „How many that ..... does the A'Rong school expense also owe?” “那个.....阿荣的学费还欠多少？” The gentle sound conveys from the rain, Xu Lan is opening an umbrella, stands in not far away. 温婉的声音从雨中传来,许岚撑着伞,站在不远处。 „Here, be only one five hair, five hair are I save, a dollar must come from A'Guang there.” Xu Lan said: „Again many, really did not have.” “我这里只有一块五毛,五毛是我存的,一块钱是从阿光那里要来的。”许岚说:“再多,就真的没有了。” What Xu Yao read was in the county the best junior middle school, the miscellaneous school fees adds, eight dollars. 许耀读的是县里最好的初中,学杂费加起来,得八块钱。 Xu Yao is conceivable, when Xu Guang by elder sister robs the savings that grievance the hidden bitterness face. 许耀可以想象,许光被姐姐抢走积蓄时那张委屈又幽怨的脸。 Xu Yao has not gone to meet money, but is staring at Xu Lan, „Little Lan, when you walk.” 许耀没去接钱,而是凝视着许岚,“小岚,你什么时候走。” Xu Lan approaches, the right hand opens an umbrella, the left hand knocked Xu Yao head, is angry saying: „Must call Sister Lan, the kid child.” 许岚走近,右手撑伞,左手敲了许耀脑袋一下,嗔道:“要叫岚姐,小屁孩子。” „I will walk tomorrow, my father was adjusted Shanghai, that side has the assignment house, the family member goes together.” She said. “我明天就走了,我爸被调到沪市,那边有分配房子的,家里人一起去。”她说。 Xu Lan that the young girls grow into initially is pretty, the figure is slender, a pair of sparkling pupil loses face/shows off especially. 少女初长成的许岚娇俏美丽,身段纤细窈窕,一双乌溜溜的眸子尤其出彩。 Xu Yao said disappointed: „Hasn't come back?” 许耀怅然道:“还没回来吗？” „Does not know.” Xu Lan narrows the eye to smile: „Shanghai is far from Xu Family Town too, refers to erratically needs many years later can come back.” “不知道呀。”许岚眯眼笑:“沪市离许家镇太远啦,指不定要多少年后才能回来。” Was shorter than he of head Xu Lan, moves out of the way the vision from that Zhang Qingxiu's cheek, only feels deserted. 比许岚矮了一个脑袋的他,从那张清秀的脸蛋上挪开目光,只觉得心里空落落的。 Xu Yao of youth, has been liking big many Xu Lan, likes installing deeply before her, recited several first hair big poetry, a face poet melancholy and vicissitudes, actually the corner of the eye split vision is peeping her response, longs for that from her face saw the worship, appreciated what/anything. 少年时代的许耀,一直喜欢着比自己大好多的许岚,喜欢在她面前装深沉,吟几首毛大大的诗词,一脸诗人般的忧郁和沧桑,其实眼角余光在偷看她的反应,渴望从她脸上看到崇拜、欣赏什么的。 He pretends that oneself is an Sir, studies elder sister to call her Little Lan, wants to neglect the both sides age the disparity, wants to tell itself, this is not what/anything. 他假装自己是大人,学着姐姐叫她小岚,就是想忽略双方年龄的差距,想告诉自己,这不算什么。 I long for meeting a clove, ties was worrying that resentful miss, she is holding the oiled paper umbrella independently, paces back and forth in the lonely rain lane ....... 我渴望逢着一个丁香般的,结着愁怨的姑娘,她独立撑着油纸伞,彷徨在寂寥的雨巷....... In the Xu Yao mind appears Dai Wangshu's this poem. 许耀脑海里浮现戴望舒的这首诗。 Xu Lan is he is longing for the miss, clove miss. 许岚就是他渴望着的姑娘,丁香般的姑娘。 Just like but the clove miss in poem, she is increasingly estranged, finally is only left over a back. 可正如诗中的丁香姑娘,她渐行渐远,最后只剩下一个背影。 That day that Xu Lan walks, Xu Yao stood outside Xu Family Town, gazed after their family to ride the tricycle to go to the county, suddenly wants to smoke. 许岚走的那天,许耀站在许家镇外,目送她们一家人坐三轮车去县城,突然很想抽烟。 After when for many years, without the meet, without the relation, met again, the initial clove miss, has gotten married. 此后经年,没有相遇,没有联系,再相见时,当初的丁香姑娘,已经嫁为人妇。 ...... ...... Xu Yao squats before the elder sister's grave, is smoking smoke one after another, was saying own past events, on the face do not have the expression, has not sobbed, without feeling, only then regretted, deep regret. 许耀蹲在姐姐的坟前,抽着一根又一根的烟,说着自己的往事,脸上没有表情,没有唏嘘,没有感慨,只有遗憾,深深的遗憾。 The Qin Ze heart said that your mother, you loved about my mother is so deep. 秦泽心说,尼玛,原来你对我妈爱的这么深沉啊。 My mother is the clove, I and my elder sister are what/anything. 我妈是丁香,那我和我姐是什么。 My elder sister is the rose, am I green foxtail? 我姐是玫瑰,我是狗尾巴草？ The uncle listens to some people to covet his elder sister, but also a face is calm, obviously has long known. 舅舅听着有人觊觎他姐姐,还一脸淡定,显然是早就知道了。 The uncle heart is really big, if some people dare to covet my elder sister, I make certainly him know how the strength of four characters great antiquity write. 舅舅心真大,如果有人敢觊觎我姐姐,我一定让他知道洪荒之力四个字怎么写。 „That afterward?” Qin Ze asked. “那后来呢？”秦泽问。 „Afterward was my elder sister she is showing paternal aunt main house gate to kneel one, forcefully the remaining money collecting. When also got sick greatly, going to school of I, achieved wishes. As my result is getting better and better, tested into the high school, the school expense was more expensive, my elder sister was deliberately considering continued to farm for me to study. She leads me to leave Xu Family Town, works to the county, sweeps the floor, washes dishes and does laundry, is the coolie, what work she does. Until my high school third year that year, she was pregnant suddenly, had you.” “后来就是我姐她在表姑家门口跪了一宿,硬生生把剩下的钱给凑齐了。当也大病了一场,我呢,也如愿以偿的上了学。随着我的成绩越来越好,考上了高中,学费更贵了,我姐寻思着继续种地就供不起我读书了。她带着我离开许家镇,到县城打工,扫地、洗碗、洗衣服,做苦力,什么活儿她都干。直到我高三那年,她突然就怀孕了,有了你。” This bewildered, did I come out? 这莫名其妙的,我就出来了？ Qin Ze pursues asks: „What person she has contacted, what matter has experienced?” 秦泽追问道:“她接触过什么人,遇到过什么事？” The Xu Yao forced smile said: „How would I know, I know dead to study, she also only hopes that I die to study. So many years, she has not gotten married, even has not located the object. The farm raises me, works to raise me, she has been paying for me, longs for that I become a useful adult. You said that such person, how was pregnant suddenly.” 许耀苦笑道:“我哪知道,我就知道死读书,她也只希望我死读书。这么多年,她没嫁人,甚至没处过对象。种地养我,打工养我,她一直在为我付出,一直渴望我成材。你说这样的人,怎么就突然怀孕了呢。” „Said carefully.” Qin Ze knits the brows. “说仔细点。”秦泽皱眉。 He has many questions, a woman from the love to giving birth, is impossible not to have the indication, only if received the ferocious adversary. 他心里有很多疑问,一个女人从恋爱到生子,不可能毫无征兆,除非是受了强暴。 In that case, necessity that Auntie Xu has not concealed, even if the age issue, shames in the exit|to speak, but will at least not conceal to only younger brother. 那样的话,许阿姨没有隐瞒的必要,哪怕年代问题,羞于出口,但至少不会对唯一的弟弟隐瞒。 In addition, why I will see somebody off. 此外,为什么我会被送人。 Good, the union then social background, the illegitimate child saw somebody off, was is not incomprehensible. 好吧,结合当时的社会背景,私生子送人,也不是不能理解。 In the old gentleman's diary has written, mother to live „me”, returns to the violent treachery of Xu Family Town avoidance birth control agency. 老爷子的日记本里写过,妈妈为了生“我”,逃回许家镇躲避计生办的毒手。 Where that „I”? 那个“我”哪里去了？ Does not need to suspect „I” authenticity, he is exists inevitably, otherwise old gentleman not in diary. 不需要怀疑“我”的真实性,他必然是存在的,不然老爷子不会记在日记里。 Xu Yao is also very strange to his attitude, remorse, lamentation and guilt of displays, go far beyond an uncle to have the mood that. 许耀对他的态度也很奇怪,所表现出来的自责、悔恨、愧疚,远远超过一个舅舅该有的情绪。 Which his is my uncle, does not know also thinks that he is my father. 他哪是我舅舅,不知道的还以为他是我老子。 This point could not explain, even if Xu Yao and Auntie Xu are bound by a common destiny, is deeply loved, he most hates that man, perhaps will also hate the room and room hates me. 这一点根本解释不清,就算许耀和许阿姨相依为命,感情深厚,他最多是憎恶那个男人,或许还会恨屋及屋的憎恶我。 Finally an issue, why mother prevents him to visit me, isn't willing to live merely peacefully is disturbed? 最后还有一个问题,妈妈为什么阻止他看我,仅仅是不愿意安静的生活被打扰？ I am not a child, I am have the ideological rational adult, not easily because of this matter collapse. 我又不是小孩子,我是个有思想有理性的成年人,不会轻易因为这种事崩溃。 Perhaps also happy holds elder sister's to enter the civil administration bureau. 说不定还高兴的牵着姐姐的手走进民政局呢。 Had too many matters, Xu Yao had not said. 有太多的事,许耀还没说。 In the Xu Yao point cigarette, looks to the elder sister's tombstone: „Actually, I have the points, so many years I have been thinking, has been thinking, always thought I should have seen that man, that was the 90s matter.” 许耀点上一根烟,望向姐姐的墓碑:“其实,我心里有点数,这么多年我一直在想,一直在想,总觉得我应该是见过那个男人的,那是九十年代的事了。” That year...... 那一年......