„After the marriage, what relates most difficulty?” “结婚以后,什么关系最难处？” This issue, in ten people have nine replies at least is the relationship between mothers and daughters-in-law. 这个问题,十个人里面起码有九个回答是婆媳关系。 Has saying that the mothers and daughters-in-law contradictory are really our country in 5000 historically thorniest contradictory one. The young wife meets the fierce mother-in-law, or is the weak mother-in-law is bullied by the wicked wife, various stories perform in many families every day. 不得不说,婆媳矛盾真的是我国五千年历史上最棘手的矛盾之一。小媳妇遇上厉害的婆婆,或者是软弱婆婆被恶媳妇欺负,各种版本的故事每天都在很多家庭上演。 Happy matrimonial agency. 幸福婚介所。 After reckless Jinhua and Liu lotus go out, river Feng then to sitting in opposite Kang uneven say/way: „Mr. Kang, first said that from your angle where your mother and wife's contradiction is main?” 在胡金花与刘莲出去后,江枫便对坐在对面的康不平道:“康先生,先从你的角度说说你母亲与老婆的矛盾主要出在哪里？” Kang does not put down saying that looks distressed: „ Grandmaster river, actually in my eyes, their contradictions produce are some petty minor matters in daily life. 康不平愁眉苦脸的说道:“江大师,其实在我的眼里,她们的矛盾产生都是日常生活中的一些鸡毛蒜皮的小事。 For example the difference of diet, my ancestor is a native of Guandong, although moved Jiangxi from grandfather that generation, the food habit of but for generations handing down from generation to generation, was not easily can change. The Cantonese cuisine is primarily is clear peaceful, basically does not put the hot pepper. 比如说饮食方面的差异,我祖上是粤省人,虽然从爷爷那一辈就迁到了赣省,但祖祖辈辈传下来的饮食习惯,不是轻易就能改变的。粤菜以清澹为主,基本是不放辣椒的。 But my wife that is a typical native of Jiangxi, not spicy not happy. 而我老婆那是地地道道的赣省人,无辣不欢。 Therefore, after my wife from woman accompanying the bride to my family, regularly goes on the point eats. 所以,我老婆自从嫁到我家后,隔三差五的就点外卖吃。 Therefore came contradictory, my mother felt meal that she makes laboriously on swayed there, my wife not only does not eat, but must seperately the spending point go, really does not understand to manage a household. 于是矛盾就来了,我母亲觉得她辛辛苦苦做的饭菜就摆在那里,我老婆不仅不吃,还要另外花钱点外卖,真是不懂得持家。 My wife, thought that my mother made these clear peaceful tasteless meals all day, ate cannot eat to the full, spends to go must be scolded, crossing was does not have freely. ” 我老婆呢,又觉得我母亲整天做那些清澹无味的饭菜,吃都吃不饱,花钱点个外卖还得挨说,过得是一点自由都没有。” river Feng asked: „Do you have consoled?” 江枫问道:“那你有没有从中劝解过？” Kang does not put down sighed: „I have certainly consoled, but also makes my mother study is making some local food, the flavor that what a pity my mother's the food of cook general, new study made really woulds not venture to give positive comments on, my wife after tasting 2-3 times, does not eat. Then my mother does not do, matter inevitable and returned to the zero point.” 康不平叹道:“我当然劝解过,还让我母亲学着做一些当地的菜肴,可惜我母亲的厨艺原本就一般,新学的菜肴做出来的味道实在是不敢恭维,我老婆在尝过2-3次后,就再也不吃了。然后我母亲也就不做了,事情不可避免的又回到了原点。” river Feng nods, asked: „Then besides the difference of diet, other what reasons?” 江枫点了点头,又问道:“那除了饮食方面的差异,还有其他什么原因呢？” Kang uneven say/way: „ Is my wife is pregnant to the process of having a child, my mother will pursue the concept of older generation, this is unedible, that is unedible, this is undoable, that is undoable, is manages in brief quite widely. 康不平道:“还有就是我老婆怀孕到生孩子的过程,我母亲会奉行老一辈的观念,这不能吃,那不能吃,这不能做,那不能做,总之就是管得比较宽。 Then pregnant woman temperament originally hot tempered, naturally has the dispute a lot. 然后孕妇脾气本来就暴躁,自然就没少起争执。 After child birth, contradictory were more. 待孩子出生后,矛盾就更多了。 In brief regularly quarrelled, quarrelled each time, two people exposed shortcomings mutually, turned to quarrel the beforehand aging past event, really made me be tired of thoroughly! ” 总之隔三差五就吵,每次一吵架,两人就互相揭短,把之前的陈年旧事都翻出来吵一遍,真的让我烦透了！” Saying that river Feng understands: „Clamps in mother and wife's middle man is not truly easy, throughout was at ‚takes a wife to forget mother’ and ‚lives with me, crossed with your mother’ under two difficult choices and dual pressures, just like in the wire walking, even the slightest misstep will lose the balance.” 江枫理解的说道:“夹在母亲与媳妇中间的男人确实不容易,始终都处在‘娶了媳妇忘了娘’和‘跟我过日子,还是跟你妈过’的两难选择与双重压力之下,犹如在走钢丝,稍有不慎就会失去平衡。” Kang non- flat belt deep helpless say/way: „ Who did not say, once the dispute, I help anyone are wrong, from the beginning I also urged this to urge that afterward discovered anything affected, I also worked as the ostrich. 康不平带着深深的无奈道:“谁说不是呢,她们一旦起争执,我帮谁都是错,一开始我还劝了这个劝那个,后来发现起不到什么作用,我也就当起了鸵鸟。 So long as they argue, I have many dodge far. 只要她们发生争执,我就有多远闪多远。 Actually I know cannot complete like this, but I really do not have the ability to solve their conflicts, I can only choose to evade. ” 其实我知道这样做不好,但我实在是没能力解决她们的争端,我只能选择逃避。” river Feng nods saying: „I understood, you first wait to the hall, shouted while convenient your wife.” 江枫点了点头道:“我明白了,你先到大厅等候,顺便把你媳妇喊进来。” Kang did not put down complies with the sound to be good, then pushed the door to go out. 康不平应了声好,然后便推门出去。 Quick, his wife Liu lotus then pushes the door to come. 很快,他的老婆刘莲便推门进来。 river Feng greeted her to sit, then directly soared the subject saying: „Ms. Liu, your husband just already and I had said the problem that between you and your mothers-in-law have, I want from your angle, to understand how now you do produce with your mother-in-law's contradiction? Your contradictory points where? Can cite some examples?” 江枫招呼她坐好,便直奔主题道:“刘女士,你老公刚刚已经跟我说过你跟你婆婆之间存在的问题,现在我想从你的角度,去了解一下你跟你婆婆的矛盾是如何产生的？你们的矛盾点在哪里？能不能举一些例子？” Liu lotus thinks, said: „ I felt that my mother-in-law is likes selecting my thorn, the meal that she makes I eat am not familiar with, every so often an appetite does not even have, but eat reluctantly, others eat meal enjoy, I eat meal look like am suffering hardships. 刘莲想了想,说道:“我感觉我婆婆就是喜欢挑我的刺,她做的菜我吃不习惯,很多时候甚至一点胃口都没有,只是勉强自己去吃,别人吃饭是享受,我吃饭就像是在受苦。 Sometimes cannot eat to the full, was really hungry could not bear, going that liked eating ate. 有时候吃不饱,实在饿得受不了了,就点个自己爱吃的外卖吃。 My mother-in-law saw each time, will be smelly a face, making me look does not eat is full! 每次我婆婆看到了,都会臭着一张脸,让我看得不吃都饱了！ Was my mother-in-law manages many. 还有就是我婆婆管得太多了。 For example requests us to keep regular hours like her, I know that she is good for us, how many but do the present young people have to achieve to keep regular hours? 比如说要求我们像她一样早睡早起,我知道她是为了我们好,但现在的年轻人有几个能做到早睡早起啊？ Is I am pregnant, my mother-in-law refuses me to eat the hot pepper, said how ate the hot pepper embryo how, but I from infancy to maturity am not spicy not happy, moreover our person could not have been pregnant to eat the view of hot pepper. 还有就是我怀孕的时候,我婆婆就严禁我吃辣椒,说吃了辣椒胎儿会怎样怎样,可我从小到大都是无辣不欢的,而且我们那里的人也没有怀孕不得吃辣椒的说法。 Except that the hot pepper also has other to eat, is this does not permit to eat that not to permit to eat, making my pregnancy ratio be imprisoned uncomfortably, I do not know how at that time is lived through. 除了辣椒还有其他吃的,也是这不准吃那不准吃,让我怀孕比坐牢都难受,我都不知道那个时候自己是怎么熬过来的。 Had again is the child was born, I passed first month after childbirth, but also has to lead the child, although my mother-in-law also helped the belt/bring, but she made this to make that all day, the child whole time lost to me. 再有就是孩子出生,我坐月子的时候,还不得不带孩子,我婆婆虽然也帮带,但她整天做这做那,孩子大部分时间都丢给我。 The child falls ill, she is not taking away to go see a doctor anxiously, but governs with her earth prescriptions. 孩子生病的时候,她不急着带去看医生,而是用她那些土方子来治。 The child starts to eat Myvatn time, said do not blow with the mouth do not taste with the mouth, but she is not serious. 孩子开始吃米湖的时候,说了不要用嘴吹不要用嘴尝,可她就是不当一回事。 The child makes a tearful scene, making her anxiously hugging, she does not listen. Let time that she coaxes the child do not hug her who is shaking to shrug off not to listen...... 孩子哭闹的时候,让她不要急着抱,她不听。让她哄孩子的时候不要抱着抖来抖去的她也不听…… In brief, in child's development process, I really quarrelled with her daily good. 总之,在孩子的成长过程中,我跟她真的天天吵都行。 What most awfully is, my mother-in-law is a loquacious woman, with community these grandma aunts the gathering same place, must scold my that before the bystander, the words pass to my ear air/Qi me each time. 最要命的是,我那婆婆还是个长舌妇,跟小区那些阿婆大妈凑到一起,就要在外人面前数落我这个那个的,每次话传到我耳里都把我气得要死。 Is express, although I receive express are quite many, bargain-priced goods that but online buys, moreover each same is the useful things. 还有就是快递,我虽然收到的快递比较多,但都是在网上买的便宜货,而且每一样都是用得上的东西。 Then my mother-in-law said my ruined family...... 然后我婆婆就说我败家…… In any case, I really caret-shaped do not gather with her, collecting for three days did not quarrel together is the miracle. ” 反正,我跟她真的八字不合,凑一起三天不吵架就是奇迹。” river Fengting Ms. Liu unceasing scolded her mother-in-law's all sorts is not being, the tone put in great inconvenience from time to time is angry from time to time, river Feng basically also listened, such that if truly Mr. Kang said that was some petty minor matters. 江枫听着刘女士不断的数落着她婆婆的种种不是,语气时而委屈时而愤慨,江枫基本也听出来了,确实如康先生所说的那样,都是一些鸡毛蒜皮般的小事。 But as the saying goes, ‚small resentment not amnesty, then the big resentment must live’, said ‚deep freezing, Rome was not built in a day’, the matter of this each article goose bumps accumulates in the heart cannot obtain to reduce and solve, the issue is naturally getting more and more serious. 可俗话说得好,‘小怨不赦,则大怨必生’,又说‘冰冻三尺,非一日之寒’,这一件件鸡毛蒜皮的事情积在心中得不到化解,问题自然就越来越严重。 When Liu lotus spoke the words, river Feng then nods saying: „I who Ms. Liu, you said basically understood what is heard, then you first have the hall to wait, called while convenient your mother-in-law.” 等刘莲把话说完,江枫便点头道:“刘女士,你说的我基本都听明白了,接下来你先出大厅等候,顺便把你婆婆叫进来。” Liu Lianying, then pushed the door to go out. 刘莲应了一声,然后便推门出去了。 Soon, mother-in-law reckless Jinhua pushes the door to come. 不久,婆婆胡金花推门进来。 river Feng and others she sat, similarly enters the subject to make her from her angle tell that the mothers and daughters-in-law are contradictory. 江枫等她坐好,同样直入主题让她从她的角度讲述婆媳矛盾。 But stands in reckless Jinhua angle, told and has the difference, only listened to her saying: „ My this daughter-in-law too did not understand to manage a household, I did is different she to like eating, but she is not willing to do, often the point went, is completely waste money. 而站在胡金花的角度,讲述又有不同,只听她说道:“我这个儿媳妇太不懂持家了,我做的没一样她喜欢吃的,而她自己又不愿意做,动不动就点外卖,完全就是浪费钱。 Is a day of sky net buys, every day has express that cannot receive, oneself do not have the skill to make money, the flower that but also makes an effort, said that her two she has not been glad. 还有就是天天网购,每天都有收不完的快递,自己没本事赚钱,还使劲的花,说她两句她还不乐意。 Again during is she is pregnant, making her not eat this not to eat that is good for her and child, but she did not appreciate kindness rendered, thought that I am minding others'business. 再就是她怀孕期间,让她不吃这个不吃那个,那都是为了她和孩子好,可她还不领情,觉得我是在多管闲事。 After child birth, I must do grocery shopping to prepare food, clean up, does laundry, leads the child, but must serve this month her woman, is busy at not a moment free time, but she complained I do not help her, simply is the supercilious look wolf. 孩子出生后,我要买菜做饭,打扫卫生,洗衣服,带孩子,还要伺候她这个月婆,忙得没有一刻空闲,可她还是埋怨我不帮她,简直是白眼狼。 The main contradiction on my grandson, she always cannot pass with me, seems like my , when paternal grandmother does not love own grandson to be the same, all day this expert said that expert said hangs on the mouth, said that my is not good to such. 最主要的矛盾还是在我孙子身上,她老是跟我过不去,就好像我这个当奶奶的就不疼自己的孙子一样,整天把这个专家说那个专家说挂在嘴上,说我这样不对那样不好。 My reckless Jinhua had three children, and fosters to grow up them, the experience that in addition hands down from generation to generation for generations, can she compare can it be that? I do not understand as for what expert, I only know three children who I lead like this, is healthy growing up, without the least bit problem. ” 我胡金花可是生了三个孩子,并把他们抚养长大,再加上祖祖辈辈传下来的经验,岂是她能比的？至于什么专家我不懂,我只知道我这样带出来的三个孩子,都是健健康康的长大,没有半点毛病。” This reckless Jinhua mentioned this daughter-in-law, the resentment was also big, obviously this to the mothers and daughters-in-law under the long-term quarrel, the relations are stiff. 这胡金花说起她这个儿媳妇,怨气也是不小,显然这对婆媳在长期的争吵之下,关系已经非常僵了。 As the saying goes ‚product likes becoming the luck, the accumulated grievances become calamity’. 俗话说‘积爱成福,积怨成祸’。 If this also quarrels like the present to the mothers and daughters-in-law, perhaps which day quarrelled fiercely, for a while will impulse will lead to the dreadful calamity, this extreme example was not rare. 如果这对婆媳还像现在这样争吵下去,或许哪天争吵得厉害了,一时冲动就会酿成惨祸,这种极端例子可不少见。 When their three people respectively at oneself angle of view told this mothers and daughters-in-law are contradictory, river Feng is also examining their materials, is used to verify them to lie, casually where can make clear the crux of this relationships between mothers and daughters-in-law? 在他们三人分别以自己的视角讲述这婆媳矛盾的时候,江枫也在查看他们的资料,用来印证他们有没有说谎,随便可以搞清楚这婆媳关系的症结在哪里？ Listens to reckless Jinhua to tell, river Feng then said with a smile to her: „Thank narration of Ms. reckless, you first have the hall now my ten minutes, I first an overall assessment your mediation difficulty, then discussed the charge issue with you.” 听胡金花讲述完,江枫便对她笑道:“感谢胡女士的讲述,你现在先出大厅等我十分钟,我先综合评估一下你们的调解难度,然后再跟你们谈谈收费问题。” „Un, good!” reckless Jinhua complied with one, however the boosting gate went out of the mediation room. “嗯,好的！”胡金花应了一声,然后推门走出了调解室。 river Feng reads fast three people of materials, confirmed this to the mothers and daughters-in-law have the dispute is the petty minor matter, is not in conflict that is hard to be well distributed. 江枫快速把三人的资料看完,确认这对婆媳起争执的都是鸡毛蒜皮般的小事,不存在难以调和的矛盾。 But they reach today this situation, primary cause „caret-shaped disagreement/not with”. 而她们之所以走到今天这个地步,主要原因还是“八字不和”。 Some mothers and daughters-in-law are not together well, not necessarily is the reason in character, but is the natural opposition of relationship between mothers and daughters-in-law. If two people are not the relationships between mothers and daughters-in-law, perhaps two people characters can locate intergenerational activity. 有些婆媳之所以相处不好,不一定是性格方面的原因,而是婆媳关系的天然对立。如果两人不是婆媳关系,或许两人的性格能处成忘年交。 But reckless Jinhua and Liu lotus two people, that is really the character does not gather, even if two people are not the relationships between mothers and daughters-in-law, that also cannot be together absolutely. 但胡金花与刘莲二人,那就真的是性格不合了,两人哪怕不是婆媳关系,也绝对相处不来的那种。 This does not put down and in Liu Lian's marital match value from Kang can look: 这从康不平与刘莲的婚姻匹配值上就可以看出来: 【Current marital match value】 56( couple sentiment 62 + properly matched 68 + family relationships 38) 【当前婚姻匹配值】56(夫妻感情62+门当户对68+家庭关系38) 【Limit marriage match value】 60( couple sentiment 69 + properly matched 71 + family relationships 40) 【极限婚姻匹配值】60(夫妻感情69+门当户对71+家庭关系40) The limit match value be only 40 points of this family relationship, showed that this to the mothers and daughters-in-law really inborn disagreement/not with, mediated the method to be basically useless with other, after all limit on swayed there. 这家庭关系的极限匹配值都只有40分,说明这对婆媳是真的天生不和,用其他调解手段基本是没什么用的,毕竟极限就摆在那里。 The only means that can only use the broken-down wall ability to break through this bottleneck! 唯一的办法,就只能使用破壁能力去突破这个瓶颈了！