2. rebirth of accident/surprise() 2.意外的重生() Zhao Yanyan these words I was am impossible to hear, because I died at that time, was the belch fart. 赵颜妍这几句话我是不可能听到了,因为那时候我已经死了,也就是嗝屁了。 When I wake up once more, I discovered that I am standing in a main hall. Resembles Qing Dynasty Palace play inside imperial palace main hall that on the television sees frequently, but is bringing also several points of gloominess. 等我再次醒来的时候,我发现我正站在一座大殿里。就好像电视上经常看到的清宫戏里面的皇宫大殿,但是却又带着几分阴森。 In my dead ahead, is long the humorous old man to think that very dignified sitting there, side stood two look cleverer axe fingers of God has seemed like the person who the judge dressed up. These three people place above has a big plaque, submits a written statement to three Large characters Yama Palace. 在我正前方,有一位长得非常幽默的老者自以为很威严的坐在那里,旁边站了两个相貌更鬼斧神工貌似判官打扮的人。这三个人的正上方有一块大匾,上书三个大字——阎王殿。 Sweat, such comedy, my first response is this is patting soap opera What? to look at this scene, is makes the ghost piece probably, but how these three people of appearance feel likely the comedy movie. I sighed, this year the head, the third-class director were too many! 汗,不会这么搞笑吧,我的第一个反应就是这是不是在拍电视剧啊？看这场景,大概是拍鬼片呢吧,但是这三人的打扮怎么感觉像喜剧片呢。我不禁感叹,这年头,三流导演实在太多了！ In I indulge in flights of fancy, middle that comedy old man foams with rage pounds on the table to exclaim: „Who below is, why saw this Yama (King of Hell) not to kneel down?” 正在我胡思乱想之际,中间那个搞笑老者吹胡子瞪眼的一拍桌子吼道:“下面是何人,见了本阎王为何不下跪？” I stare, the sentiment regarded the extra me. I called out: „Hey, old man, did you find fault the person? I do not want to develop the television!” 我一愣,感情是把我当成临时演员了吧。我叫道:“喂,老头,你找错人了吧？我可不想演电视！” That three people listened to me saying that also gawked, nearby Judge A thought aloud: „His paternal grandmother, should this person of brain not have the problem?” 那三人听我这么说,也是一愣,旁边的判官甲自言自语道:“他奶奶的,这人脑子该不会是也有毛病吧？” Judge B also put out Life and Death Book to look up, but looked up for quite a while not to find out any thing, therefore strange say/way: „It is not right, person who this double-hour do not die, who following that is?” 判官乙也拿出生死簿查了起来,可是查了半天也没查出什么东西来,于是奇怪道:“不对啊,这个时辰没有要死的人啊,下面的那个是谁？” The comedy old man is a racket table, said: „Below that person, you died! Reported the name in a big hurry, this Yama (King of Hell) is good to arrange your Reincarnation!” 搞笑老头又是一拍桌子,说道:“下面那人,你已经死了！快快把姓名报来,本阎王好安排你投胎！” Did I die?? Did I die? Suddenly I have thought that right, I indeed died. I after at the Zhao Yanyan wedding drinks wine excessively rescue invalid again I arrived here. 我死了？？我怎么死了呢？忽然我想了起来,没错,我的确是死了。我在赵颜妍的婚礼上饮酒过度之后抢救无效再之后我就来到了这里。 It seems like I really died. The mother, this whole life cultivated the behavior to really be the failure, the first half of one's life has only struggled there, finally has not waited to taste the love the taste dead. At this time I have thought in a very old movie classical dialog: Once had a sincere sentiment to be placed in front of me, I have not treasured, until losing has regretted not , the life most painful matter was this. If the heaven can me an opportunity, I to that girl say again three characters „I love you”, if must before this loves adds a deadline, I hope: 10,000 years. 看来我果然是死了。娘的,这辈子做人可真是失败,前半辈子光在那儿奋斗了,结果还没等尝到爱情的滋味就死翘翘了。这时候我想到了一部很老的电影里面的一句经典对白:曾经有份真挚的感情摆在我面前,我没珍惜,直到失去了才追悔莫及,人生最痛苦的事情莫过于此。如果上天可以再给我一次机会,我会对那个女孩说三个字“我爱你”,如果要在这份爱前加一个期限,我希望是:10000年。 That Friend Yama (King of Hell) seemingly to me said a moment ago can also go to Reincarnation? Said that I have to enjoy love the opportunity, the next generation I will certainly not let off the woman who any I will love! Thinking that I resent. 刚才那位阎王老兄貌似对我说还能去投胎？这么说我还是有享受爱情的机会的,下辈子我一定不放过任何一个我爱的女人！我愤恨的想。 Therefore I said to Yama (King of Hell): „Brother Yama (King of Hell), I called Liu Lei, you hurried to find the way to arrange my Reincarnation!” 于是我对阎王说道:“阎王老哥,我叫刘磊,你赶紧想办法安排我投胎吧！” Yama (King of Hell) gets angry: „Go away! What whose his paternal grandmother is your brother, the father is bigger than your ancestor!” 阎王怒道:“滚！谁他奶奶的是你老哥啊,老子比你祖宗还大！” Many years of commerce scene experiences made me understand flattering, I know, if wanted Yama (King of Hell) to help me arrange Reincarnation to a household of wealthy family, this old man's flatter must pat. I said with a smile: „I meant that your brother looks like young, face glowing with health, you, or said the age, I definitely do not know that you are big! You looked, as soon as a moment ago I came, but also thinks that makes the television, I deliberately considered that where this director looked for you such graceful actor, must lead compared with Chow Yun-fat Andy Lau simply!” Here, as soon as I deliberately considered, this Andy Lau and Chow Yun-fat estimated Yama (King of Hell) has not been seeing, therefore said hastily: „Was Pan An's Brat leads compared with that what!” 多年的商场经验让我懂得了阿谀逢迎,我知道如果想要阎王帮我安排投胎到一户好人家,这老头的马屁是一定要拍的。我笑道:“我是说你老哥看起来年轻,容光焕发,您要不说年龄,我肯定不知道你多大！您看,刚才我一进来,还以为是拍电视呢,我就寻思啊,这导演在哪儿找来您这么帅的演员,简直比周润发刘德华还要帅！”说到这里,我一寻思,这刘德华和周润发估计阎王还没见着过,于是连忙道:“比那个什么叫潘安的小子帅多了！” Yama (King of Hell) one hear of I said that immediately a face smiling face, the whole face is pleating face asked to Judge A: „Do I look like really so young?” 阎王一听我这么说,立刻一脸笑容,把满脸是褶子的老脸冲着判官甲问道:“我看起来真的如此年轻吗？” That Judge A estimate usually was also flatters to pat, wants not to say: „Congratulates Yama (King of Hell), congratulates Yama (King of Hell), you simply are in the ghost the best quality goods, the ultra graceful is invincible!” 那判官甲估计平时也是拍马屁拍惯了,想都没想就说:“恭喜阎王,贺喜阎王,您简直就是鬼中极品,超帅无敌！” After Yama (King of Hell) hear, was happy that hehe smiles, said to me affably: „What did that you call to come? Right, calls Liu Lei, you simply are the friend of king! This king recognized your this brother! The brother you could rest assured that I surely give you to arrange a household of wealthy family!” 阎王听后高兴得呵呵直笑,和蔼可亲地对我说道:“那个你叫什么来的？对了,是叫刘磊,你简直就是本王的知己嘛！本王就认你这个老弟了！老弟你放心,我一定给你安排一户好人家！” I expressed gratitude hastily, joyfully blossomed at heart, the sinister plot prevailed! 我连忙道谢,心里都快乐开花了,奸计得逞！ Yama (King of Hell) said to that Judge B: „You hurry the record of one's horoscope of my this brother!” 阎王对那个判官乙说道:“你赶紧查查我这位老弟的生辰八字！” Judge B looked up a while, on the face has shown the inconceivable expression, said with amazement: „Yama (King of Hell), you looked, your this does the younger brother to have 180 years of lifespan, he now is impossible dead!” 判官乙查了一会儿,脸上露出了不可思议的表情,惊讶道:“阎王,您看,您这位干弟弟有180年阳寿呢,他现在不可能死啊！” Yama (King of Hell) one hear, the look received Life and Death Book hastily dignifiedly, looked at for quite a while, clenching jaws pounds on the table, shouts to the palace outside: „Fuck, which does my this brother is compel Little Ghost (Xiaogui) bringing blindly?” 阎王一听,连忙神色凝重地接过生死簿,看了半天,咬牙切齿的一拍桌子,对殿外喊道:“我靠,我这老弟是哪个瞎逼小鬼给带回来的？” After a while, Little Ghost (Xiaogui) tremble walked, saw that Yama (King of Hell) goes to falls to the ground: „Asked Yama (King of Hell) to appease anger, was small, what was small was only occasionally after the hospital, looked at this Brat, was not right, was your younger brother soon died, convenient gave to catch him!” 过了一会儿,一个小鬼哆哆嗦嗦的走了进来,一见到阎王就赴倒在地:“请阎王息怒,小的,小的只是偶尔经过医院,看这小子,不对,是您的弟弟快要死了,就顺手把他给抓了回来！” What? one hear of I was grasped unexpectedly by mistake, I was speechless. My this simply was too bad luck. I also think that grasps this matter only to occur in the world of the living by mistake, has not thought that the Netherworld government is also such dark. 啊？一听我竟然是被误抓的,我真是无话可说了。我这简直是太倒霉了。我还以为误抓这种事情只会发生在阳间,没想到阴间的官场也是这么黑暗。 Yama (King of Hell) gets angry: „I go, did your eye long buttocks come up? Looks for trouble to father unexpectedly! On this Life and Death Book writes obviously, my brother will have a tribulation, but has not said definitely! Which comes the person, gave to throw in the wok with cooking oil to burn him, never be reincarnated!” 阎王怒道:“我嘞个去,你眼睛长屁股上去了？竟给老子没事找事！这生死簿上明明写着,我老弟会有一劫,但是也没说死啊！来人哪,把他给扔油锅里烫死了,永不得超生！” The people of several appearance very strange appearances...... Should be the ghost rushes instantaneously, that Little Ghost (Xiaogui) carrying off. 几个长相很诡异模样的人……应该是鬼瞬间赶到,把那个小鬼给带走了。 I am not interested in that Little Ghost (Xiaogui) life, I only want Reincarnation, I to say to Yama (King of Hell) as soon as possible: „Brother, can you arrange the brother to go to Reincarnation What? first” 我对那个小鬼的死活不感兴趣,我只想尽早投胎,我对阎王说:“老哥,你能不能先安排老弟去投胎啊？” The Yama (King of Hell) sad-looking say/way said to me: „Brother, is not the brother does not give you to arrange. Your lifespan completely blindly had not been compelled grasping by a moment ago that therefore--, I do not have the means!” 阎王一脸苦瓜相道对我说道:“老弟,不是老哥不给你按排。只是你的阳寿未尽就被刚才那个瞎逼给抓回来了,所以——唉,我也没办法啊！” My heart is instantaneously icy cold, but not willing asking: „But person not only my because every year the accident/surprise died? They what to do?” 我的心瞬间冰凉,但是还是不甘心的问道:“可是每年因为意外身亡的人不只我一个吧？那他们怎么办？” Yama (King of Hell) replied: „These person of What? they are some solitary person wild ghosts sway in the hell every day randomly, when the lifespan completely when went to Reincarnation again!” 阎王答道:“那些人啊？他们都是些孤魂野鬼每天在地狱里乱晃荡,啥时候等到阳寿尽了啥时候再去投胎！” I do not lose heart: „I, since grasps by mistake, that can again my soul back to my body in?” 我还是不死心:“那我既然是误抓的,那能不能再把我的魂魄送回到我的身体里？” A Yama (King of Hell) face sympathy looks at me saying: „Brother, the brother asked you, you before living time after having signed a death, organ contribution agreement?” 阎王一脸同情的望着我道:“老弟啊,老哥问你,你以前活着的时候是不是签过一份死亡后器官捐献协议书？” I nodded, the doubts said: „How did you raise this matter suddenly?” 我点了点头,疑惑道:“你怎么忽然提起这件事？” Yama (King of Hell) shook the head to pity saying: „I want to give to send back you actually very much, but the heart kidney cornea has been changed on others now, it is estimated that the remaining corpses also practicing to have dissected by the students of medical school......” 阎王摇了摇头怜悯道:“我倒是很想把你给送回去,可是现在你的心脏肾脏眼角膜都已经被换到别人身上了,估计剩下的尸体也被医学院的学生给练习解剖了……” It seems like I am also not common bad luck! Am I doomed also in hell to shake for more than 100 years? 看来我还不是一般的倒霉啊！难道我注定还要在地狱中晃悠100多年吗？ At this time that Judge B has thought suddenly anything was the same, lies has underestimated for quite a while in the Yama (King of Hell) ear. After Yama (King of Hell) hear, patted the thigh to call out: „Right! Paternal grandmother, I this forgetting? Brother, do you think rebirth?” 这时候那判官乙忽然想到了什么一样,趴在阎王耳边低估了半天。阎王听后一拍大腿叫道:“对啊！奶奶的,我怎么把这茬给忘了呢？老弟,你想不想重生？” „rebirth?” My discussed, I am not strange to this word, in the hypertext fiction, this theme are many. “重生？”我默念道,我对这个词并不陌生,在网络小说里,这种题材非常多。 Yama (King of Hell) thinks that I am not clear, therefore explained: „This rebirth, was makes your soul return to your past body--” 阎王以为我不明白,于是解释道:“这个重生,就是让你的灵魂回到你过去的身体里——” I waved saying: „I understand that meaning of rebirth, can't that all lifespan people completely choose rebirth?” 我挥了挥手说道:“我明白重生的意思,那岂不是所有阳寿未尽的人都可以选择重生？” Yama (King of Hell) shook the head saying: „That is not, this rebirth our hell also has the quota, but must report the forehead to examine and approve, I also want this quota selling the high price, but you, since is my brother, I gave you this quota! I am not short of money in any case.” 阎王摇了摇头道:“那可不是,这个重生我们地狱也是有名额的,还得上报到天庭进行审批,本来我还想把这个名额给卖高价的,但是你既然是我的老弟,我就把这个名额送给你了！反正我也不缺钱。” Seemingly sounds this quota to be quite precious! It seems like Yama (King of Hell) this brother I also really recognized right! I had heard before rebirth some person extraordinary physical functions, can I have? Therefore I am thick the face to ask: „Brother, after my rebirth, whether to have some special abilities?” 貌似听起来这个名额相当珍贵啊！看来阎王这个老哥我还真认对了！我以前听说过重生的人都有一些特异功能,我是不是也能拥有呢？于是我厚着脸问道:“老哥,我重生以后是不是能拥有一些特殊的能力呢？” „This,” Yama (King of Hell) thinks saying: „I do not have the authority to take responsibility, if you want Ability I really to help you and above apply, but in time possible association president some!” “这个嘛,”阎王想了想说道:“我没有权力作主,如果你真的想要拥有异能的话我可以帮你和上面申请一下,不过时间上可能会长一些！” As soon as I listen to the gate, immediately asks: „How long What?” 我一听有门,立刻问道:“多长时间啊？” Yama (King of Hell) has thought said: „This perhaps, possibly a day, possibly one year, on a extraordinary physical functions requisition of rebirth that person yesterday just had approved, it is estimated that this time can a bit faster, several hundred years!” 阎王想了一下说道:“这个就没准儿了,可能一天,可能一年,上一届重生那个人的特异功能申请书昨天刚批下来,估计这次能快点,也就几百年吧！” I faint, several hundred years? I asked hastily: „Did that this person afterward have Ability?” 我晕,几百年？我连忙问道:“那这个人后来拥有异能了吗？” Yama (King of Hell) said: „Had, the great-grandson child of that person died now, moreover elegant life-long, at the point of death when beforehand loudly shouted ‚my great grandfather to have Ability’!” 阎王说道:“拥有个屁了,那个人的曾孙子现在都死了,而且还郁郁终生,临死之前大呼‘我太爷爷什么时候能拥有异能啊’！” As soon as I listen to this saying, has not nearly fainted on the ground, I thought that I consider as finished. Therefore I beckoned with the hand saying: „Brother, my this, that Ability line was good, was not good!” 我一听这话,差点儿没晕倒在地上,我看我还是算了吧。于是我摆了摆手说道:“老哥,我就这样吧,那异能行就行了,不行就算了！” Yama (King of Hell) shows a faint smile saying: „The brother can give you a cell phone, later has any matter to seek brother's words to call me at any time!” 阎王微微一笑道:“不过老哥可以送给你一部手机,以后有什么事求老哥的话可以随时给我打电话！” Cell phone? I asked: „Do I return to the world of the living also to be able you to call?” 手机？我问道:“我回到阳间也能给你打电话吗？” Yama (King of Hell) affirmative nod of: „Naturally, this was Edison and Bell was just developed, Oh, forgot to tell you, Edison at present is the chief scientist of our Yama (King of Hell) Technology LLC.” 阎王肯定的点了点头:“当然,这是爱迪生和贝尔刚刚研制出来的,哦,忘了告诉你,爱迪生目前是我们阎王科技有限公司的首席科学家。” Judge B gives I fine jade to fall, my strange say/way: „Can this thing telephone?” 判官乙过来递给我一个精美的玉坠,我奇道:“这东西能打电话？” Yama (King of Hell) happily said: „Naturally, the direct mind reading, you think my time can with the Elder Brother my spiritual bond. Gives you are most generation product, with the dark night can the highly effective energy, be the same with the solar energy of your world of the living, this only needs to place the dark place to supplement the energy automatically.” 阎王得意道:“当然,直接心灵感应的,你想我的时候就可以和哥哥我神交了。给你的是最新一代产品,采用黑夜能高效能源,和你们阳间的太阳能一样,这个只需要放在黑暗的地方就能自动补充能源。” I believe the new-type cellular phone that for the time being Brother Yama (King of Hell) and I boasted, careful hung it on the neck. 我姑且相信阎王老哥和我吹嘘的这种新型手机,小心的把它挂在了脖子上。 Yama (King of Hell) said to me: „Was good, the time was also up, Judge A, you go to send back my brother.” 阎王对我道:“好了,时间也差不多了,判官甲,你去把我老弟送回去。” My eye turns, this fellow unexpectedly really Judge A. 我眼睛一翻,这家伙竟然真叫判官甲。