With this in the morning no longer is in the morning, the dark cloud of space is pale gradually, stone Tungshan falls on the mountain road of full maple leaf, the hiker were gradually many. 随着这个上午不再是清晨,天上的乌云渐淡,石洞山落满枫叶的山路上,登山游客逐渐多了起来。 And has Peng Hui, stretch/open Guorui and other group of high-school students, comes out mountain climbing in the weekend, but crawled half is less , several female students of peer complained on the laughter: „Quite tired.” „How long must crawl.” „Relax, has not arrived at the mountainside!” 其中就有彭辉、张国睿等一伙高中生,在周末出来爬山活动,但才爬了一半不到,同行的几个女生就嬉笑地抱怨起来了:“好累啊。”“还要爬多久啊。”“放心,还没到山腰呢！” In this, still is the person of climbing mountains, not from mountain. 在这个时分,依然全都是上山的人,就没有从山上下来的。 Also is thinking, suddenly, they see from the above mountain road, has the form of strong fat man to gasp for breath to rush together in a hurry, the big autumn, that man actually whole head is the perspiration, one gray-black gym suit also soaked, but also is moistening some soil dirts. 还这么想着呢,突然间,他们看见从上方的山路,有一道壮胖男人的身影喘着气地匆匆奔下来,大秋天的,那个男人却满头满脸是汗,身上的一套灰黑色的运动服也湿透了,还沾着些泥土似的污渍。 This person seemed like toward the river in falls a somersault ruthlessly, the forehead as if fell and broke, some blood, contaminated several bloodstains his gym suit. 这人看上去就像是往河里狠狠地摔了一跟头,额头似乎摔破了,有些鲜血,把他的运动服也沾染了几块血迹。 When this strong fat man pushes mountain Jie the half step to pass through from their side, in the air were also many intense smell of blood. 当这个壮胖男人从他们身边挤着山阶的快步走过,空气中也多了一股强烈的血腥味。 Peng Hui always has the allergic rhinitis, was flushed by this smell, a sneeze hit immediately, in the nasal cavity is very uncomfortable, „this anything smell......” he whispered, usually when with mother passed through from the meat files of food market not such big taste. 彭辉向来有着过敏性鼻炎,被这股气味冲了一冲,一个喷嚏顿时就打了出来,鼻腔内很是难受,“这什么气味啊……”他不由嘀咕,平时跟着妈妈从菜市场的肉档走过时都没有这么大味。 Remembers the meat files, Peng Hui is being sideways to look that descending the mountain strong fat man, at present flashes through some disorderly memory pictures indistinctly. 想起肉档,彭辉侧着身回望那个下山的壮胖男人,眼前隐约闪过一些凌乱的记忆画面。 The meat files boss holds up the butcher knife high, is cutting to a block on bright red pork, bang bang the heavy sound, the pork was hewn two halves, another blade, a blade, the meat was chopped again, the blood flows off from the blade edge, the class/flow to the block on, splashes to the body of butcher...... 肉档老板高高地举起屠刀,对着砧板上的一块鲜红的猪肉砍下去,砰嘭的重响,猪肉被砍成两半,又一刀,再一刀,肉被砍碎,血从刀锋流下,流到砧板上,溅到屠夫的身上…… „Was that person to fall in the river?” “那人是摔进河里了吧？” „River where this mountain comes, I estimated that was in which gutter to fall.” “这山哪来的河,我估计是摔进哪条小沟里了。” „Is fishes? Really unlucky......” “是来钓鱼的吧？真倒霉……” People is discussing low voice, while continues to take the footsteps toward the mountain step above. 众人一边小声地谈论着,一边继续往山阶上方迈出脚步。 Therefore should better not a person to climb a mountain to explore, often has the traveler to have an accident, some luck good to be rescued, some luck not good died, has had this class news. That man falls fortunately not heavily, if falls bone fracture anything, must set out the fire fighter to save others. 所以说最好不要一个人爬山探险,经常就有驴友是这么出事的,有些运气好被救了,有些运气不好的死掉了,也不是没有过这类的新闻。那个男人还好摔得不重,要是摔得骨折什么的,又得出动消防员来救人。 After stretch/open Guorui they gossipped several, after the brain of this matter throwing, but Peng Hui still some uncomfortable feeling. 张国睿他们八卦了几句后,就把这件事抛之脑后了,但彭辉仍有些不舒服的感觉。 He then looked several times, until could not see again that say/way put on the strong fat form of gym suit. 他回头看去了好几次,直至再也看不到那道穿运动服的壮胖身影。 Thump, thump, thump...... 噔,噔,噔…… Falls the sound of footsteps in mountain step is disorderly and heavy, the aura is breathing heavily thickly, has the blood to drop on the stair shading yellow maple leaf. 落在山阶上的脚步声凌乱而沉重,气息在粗喘,有鲜血滴落在台阶暗黄的枫叶上。 Tan Jinming walks quickly, this speed stems from the heart extremely scared, in a mind of blank has anything in humming sound the chaotic sound. 谭金明脚下走得很快,这个速度源于心中极度的恐慌,一片空白的头脑里有什么在嗡嗡乱响。 I made anything, how I made anything...... like this, how can like this...... child be abundant they...... 我做了什么,我都做了什么……怎么会这样,怎么能这样……子博他们…… No, you do not need to blame your oneself, you have not made the any mistake, does not have little. 不,你不需要责怪你自己,你没有做错什么,一点点都没有。 You were the world is always handling the matter, they are also doing, everyone is this. 你只是做了世人一向都在做着的事情,他们也都做着,每个人都是这样。 The weak meat eats, this is the truth, this is original feature of the world...... 弱肉强吃,这是真理,这就是世界的本来面目…… „!” Tan Jinming covered the head painfully, „gets out of the way, go away!” He wants to drive away this sound, does not want to hear again, is this sound harms his such, was this sound said how must do, was this sound is pushing him...... “啊！”谭金明痛苦地捂住了脑袋,“走开,走开啊！”他想驱赶这股声音,不想再听到了,就是这股声音害他那样的,是这股声音说要怎么样做,是这股声音推着他…… Right? I have not been pushing you, I make you see your own true idea. 是吗？我没有推着你,我只是把你自己真正的想法让你看到而已。 You are constraining yourself, constrained many years, actually you did not like others calling you to be fat, you did not like since childhood. In childhood you heard the schoolmate to call you each time, you were not happy, you want to make them shut up. You were used to it afterward, so-called „custom” actually wants to feel better by oneself...... 你压抑着自己,压抑很多年了,其实你一点都不喜欢别人叫你肥明,你从小就不喜欢。小时候你每次听到同学这么叫你,你都不高兴,你想让他们闭嘴。你后来习惯了,所谓“习惯”其实只是想让自己好过一些…… Actually you have so-called, you gave up the resistance, you admitted defeat. 其实你不是没所谓,你只是放弃了反抗,你认输了。 Did I speak incorrectly? A moment ago, weren't you feel the taste of winning? Regarding winning, you have the hope...... 难道我说错了吗？难道刚才,你不是感受到了赢的滋味吗？对于赢,你还有着渴望…… „Go away......” Tan Jinming both hands make an effort to press the head, both hands must sneak in the brain to clutch that sound, is the whole face almost rises the azure, the under foot makes a false step first-order tumbled descends the mountain, Tan Jinming stops the footsteps, is gasping for breath, suddenly wants to cry, loud crying. “走开啊……”谭金明双手更加用力地按着脑袋,双手直要钻进脑里把那股声音揪出来,已是满脸涨得青色,脚下踩空了一阶几乎滚落下山,谭金明停住脚步,喘着气,突然想哭,大声的哭。 At present , some just had soon scene to be uncertain in the twinkle, startled, the frigid yawp reverberates in the ear. 眼前,又有一些刚发生不久的景象在闪烁不定,惊慌的、惨烈的叫喊声又在耳朵里回响。 „Fat bright! Fat bright......! No!” “肥明！肥明……！别啊！” Does not know the strength of where coming, then greatly, the least bit leeway does not have. Both big mature men were twisted by one, flings pounds in the stone between gorges, pounds is completely muddled, crawls does not set out, they called, to struggle, but the strength was small like the baby. 不知道哪来的力气,那么大,半点余地都没有。两个高大的壮年男人都是被一手就拧起来,一甩就砸在涧间的石头上,砸得昏头转向,爬不起身,他们呜叫着、挣扎着,但力气小得就像个婴儿。 They do not have the strength to hit back, was they lost, must blame to blame them to lose, was they do not have the strength to hit back...... 他们毫无还手之力,是他们输了,要怪就怪他们自己输了,是他们没有还手之力…… Bang, bang, bang! 嘭,嘭,嘭！ The numerous impact noises, are the head hit the sound on rugged big stone, one by one, the blood jumps the class/flow to come out, then the hashed meat also splashed. 重重的撞击声,是头颅撞在嶙峋大石上的声响,一下又一下,鲜血迸流出来,然后碎肉也溅起了。 The bicker of mountain stream still murmur, but in the clear water current were many some blood-color, since the sky falls, melts in the water surface, scatters. 山涧的流水声依然潺潺,但澄清的水流中多了一些血色,从上空落下,消融于水面,流散。 Also the thing falls, eyeball that only breaks. 又有一个东西落下,是只破碎的眼球。 „No,......” Tan Jinming did not sob, looked at the sky that the dark clouds are proliferating at a loss, the ray that has not extinguished illuminated some not submerged memory, when he and Wang Zibo university matter, teased mutually damages mutually, graduates, coming out worked...... “不,不……”谭金明哽咽起来,茫然地望着阴云遍布的天空,那未灭的光线还是照亮了一些未被淹没的记忆,他和王子博大学时的事情,互相打趣互相损,毕业,出来工作…… Has said that later Wang Zibo married, his fat clear(ly) must become the best man. 早就说过了,以后王子博结婚的时候,他肥明要当伴郎。 If his fat clear(ly) also had that day of marriage, in the best man group must have Wang Zibo. 他肥明要是也有结婚的那一天,伴郎团里也是少不了王子博。 After becoming the society livestock, schoolmate remaining several do not have the relation, even if usually selects to praise in the friend circle mutually, is still only obvious being perfunctory. But he and Wang Zibo are different, still had the relation, once for a while comes out to play together, because is the real friend...... 成为社畜之后,同学不剩下几个还有联系的了,即使平时在朋友圈里互相点赞,也只是心照不宣的敷衍。但他和王子博不同,仍然有联系,时不时出来一起玩,因为是真朋友…… „, Go away!” Tan Jinming grabs the head, more is more painful, wishes one could to grasp broken own head. “啊,滚开啊！”谭金明抓着脑袋,越想越痛苦,恨不得把自己的脑袋抓碎。 Painful lamentation in oneself the matter of doing, consequence that also panic-stricken flurried is going to take. 既是痛苦悔恨于自己所做之事,又惊恐慌乱于将要承担的后果。 I do not want such, not to want such, I not to think absolutely must such treat the child to be abundant,...... also has others...... 我不想那样,绝对不想那样,我从来没想过要那样对待子博,还有……还有其他人…… More memory fragments are flashing before present unceasingly, along with the bawling voice of female student, they were scared, frightened the paralysis, they wanted to escape...... 更多的记忆碎片在眼前不断地闪现,伴随着女生的哭叫声音,她们吓傻了,吓瘫了,她们想要逃跑…… However, they, could not have escaped. 但是,她们,一个都没有逃得掉。 Tan Jinming thinks that does not understand how oneself can pursue that quickly, that is not he can have the speed that is impossible, his one fat dwelling, runs several to breathe, crawls several levels of staircases also to breathe, is not always able to pursue that quickly...... 谭金明想不明白自己怎么能追得那么快,那根本不是他能有的速度,不可能的,他就一肥宅,跑几步就喘,爬几级楼梯也喘,从来都无法追得那么快…… Why? Why you must disparage your oneself, will this make you feel better? 为什么？为什么你要贬低你自己,这会让你好受一些吗？ Kneels in a very low position, does not have a thing in the world, has nothing to lose, this did not have the pressure of competition. 跪在一个很低的位置,一无所有,也就没什么可输的了,这样就没有竞争的压力了。 Because you gave up the competition, you gave up yourself. 因为你放弃了竞争,你放弃了自己。 But that is before, „fat clear(ly)”, was before. You are different, you can be different. 但那是以前,“肥明”,是以前。你已经不同了,你可以不同。 „Go away............” Tan Jinming almost must kneel down on the ground, is the weeping bitterly tears class/flow, must hit to build with oneself forehead on the flagstone of mountain step, he could not have borne, does not want to hear this sound again, that is not his idea, not...... “走开啊……啊……”谭金明几乎要跪倒在地上,已是痛哭涕流,要用自己额头去撞击砌就山阶的石板,他已经受不了了,不想再听到这个声音,那不是他的想法,不是的…… Side his manner makes certainly the tourists who pass through have doubts, one group of tourists whispered to walk, perhaps thinks that met a male drunkard or the neurosis. 他的举止当然让旁边走过的游客都为之疑惑,一伙游客嘀咕着走过去了,兴许以为遇到个醉汉或者精神病。 In another group of tourists has the eldest sister of good intention, walks to doubt to ask: „Hello? What's wrong? What having is uncomfortable? Can help you call the person?” 另一伙游人中有个好心的大姐,走上来疑问道:“你好？怎么了？有什么不舒服吗？要不要帮你叫人？” Fierce that „I......” Tan Jinming, anything had not said rushes toward the mountain, inundated completely the whole body flustered, vacant, fear. “我……”谭金明顿了顿,就什么都没说的猛头往山下奔去,慌张漫满了全身,茫然,害怕。 Here many people, saw that I...... that side the foot entrance had the monitoring, patted, I with child was abundant they to come together...... 这里好多人,都看到我了……山脚入口那边有监控,都拍下了,我跟子博他们一起来的…… Also, the child abundant car(riage) that on the road I ride, the driving record meter on vehicle, all the way, patted completely. 还有,路上我坐的子博的车,车上的行车纪录仪,一路上,全部拍下了。 rushed to a section of road, Tan Jinming footsteps then slow, where can go, is impossible to escape. 慌奔了一段路,谭金明的脚步便缓了下来,能去哪里呢,根本就不可能逃得掉。 Escapes? Why can escape? How many years did you escape? To select other, not only you can like this. 逃？为什么要逃？你都逃了多少年了？想点别的,你不只是能这样。 Tan Jinming is looking all around the surroundings, the gloomy and cold mountain pneumatic drill ragged clothes, drill into the body, he felt suddenly all things are all spatial, oneself made the huge mistake, cannot forgive also the beyond any help blunder, does not have the means that oneself also really damn...... were only, is only...... 谭金明环顾着周围,阴冷的山风钻破衣服、钻入皮肉,他一时间感到万事皆空,自己犯下了大错,不能原谅也无可挽回的大错,已经没有办法了,自己也真的该死……只是,只是…… eye eye socket shed tears, both hands that Tan Jinming trembled put out the cell phone in pocket, on the hand cabinet contaminated some bloodstains. 目眶落下了泪水,谭金明微颤的双手拿出了衣袋里的手机,手机壳上沾染了一些血迹。 He is pressing the screen, sobbing, sent an information to mother: „Mom, sorry, I do not want to do” give the father to send another information again: „Father, sorry, I do not want to do” 他按动着屏幕,哽咽着,给妈妈发去了一条信息:“妈妈,对不起,我没想那么做”再给爸爸发去另一条信息:“爸爸,对不起,我没想那么做” After sending, Tan Jinming turns around to walk toward the mountain step edge, except for some Xiaolukou, is accompanied by stone steps/house the guard rail from the foot to the summit stone steps. 发完之后,谭金明转身往山阶边缘走去,除了一些小路口,从山脚到山顶的石阶都伴有石砌的护栏。 But the guard rail is not high, the adult cross one cross can turn, but this section of road depends on outside the east guard rail, mountain valley that the smog lingers all day. Before has had this matter, the tourist sat on the guard rail photographs actually does not turn/stand up to fall down carefully, falls to the mountain, thus died. 但护栏不高,成年人跨一跨就能翻过去,而这段路靠着东边的护栏外面,是整天烟雾萦绕的山谷。以前有发生过这种事情,游客坐在护栏上拍照却不小心翻身掉了下去,摔到山底下,因而死亡。 At this time Tan Jin Ming Station near the guard rail, both hands is pressing the guard rail pole, haunched the both feet, must cross the guard rail to jump. 这时谭金明站在护栏边上,双手按着护栏杆,撑起双脚,就要翻过护栏跳下去。 Suddenly, his right hand one got hold of the parapet fiercely, his facial expression actually reveals alarmed and afraid, this and this...... 突然,他的右手猛地一下握紧了栏杆,他的神情却露出惊惧,这、这…… When Tan Jinming also just lived is surprised, the right hand holds up to pull taut the hair, the violent force hoists, Tan Jinming a wicked pain called immediately, wants to loosen own right hand completely to be beyond control, instead pulled makes an effort. 谭金明还刚生惊疑之际,右手举起一把扯住了头发,猛力地扯起,谭金明顿时一声惨厉的痛叫,想松开自己的右手却已经全然无法控制,反而扯得更加用力了。 This right hand from a strange angle, seems like itself to clutch own scalp, the round trip walks, leaves the guard rail edge. 这只右手以一个奇诡的角度,看上去像是自己揪着自己的头皮,往回走去,离开护栏边缘。 „......” Tan Jinming still shouted in the pain, blue vein suddenly/violently Tu who the pain results in the whole face, two eyeballs also become red in rapidly the hyperemia. “啊……”谭金明仍在痛呼,痛得满脸的青筋暴突,两只眼球也在急速充血变红。 He felt that oneself right hand no longer is itself, this right hand had the life, is that sound...... 他感觉自己的右手不再属于自己,这只右手有了生命,是那股声音…… That sound becomes clearer clear, is saying to him, is saying in his mind: 那股声音变得更加真切清晰,在对他说着,就在他脑海里说着: Hello, lost/carrying choice. 你好啊,负选择。