M1979 :: Volume #3

#329: Isolation

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Every morning what Fang make Li He touch her belly, said happily, „you trace, has roused a point.” 每天早上何芳都让李和摸一下她的肚子,高兴地说,“你摸摸,是不是又鼓了一点。” „Has a little.” Li He had just traced, shrank. “是有那么一点。”李和刚摸了一下,又缩了回来。 Saw that her belly the drum is so little every day, Li He iron general icy coldness at heart. Thinks he formerly lively whole family, to present only remaining his one, he bitter sighed continually does not have. 眼看她的肚皮每天鼓那么一点点,李和的心里铁一般的冰凉。想想他从前热闹的一家人,到现在只剩下他一个,他心里苦的连叹气都没了。 what Fang asked, „you do want the boy or the girl?” 何芳问,“你要男孩还是女孩？” „Girl.” “女孩。” „If gives birth to the boy?” “那要是生男孩呢？” „You raise.” “那你自己养。” „Does.” what Fang has beaten his fist with a smile, he has not hidden, she looked at him not to be happy, „who annoyed you?” “作死啦。”何芳笑着捶了他一拳,他没躲,她瞧出了他的不高兴,“谁又惹你啦？” Li He shakes the head, „nothing. Thinks to change really in a big way.” 李和摇摇头,“没什么。只是想想变化真大。” „It is not big, you think, you just entered school that meeting, although the person is also calm, but mouth poor , but also is more stubborn than the present. Can with the American bar on, now think the fear. That impulse is really big.” “可不是大吗,你想想,你刚进学校那会,虽然人也沉稳,可嘴贫的很,还比现在倔强多了。都敢跟美国人杠上,现在想想都后怕。那冲劲真大。” „Right?” Li He does not listen to what fragrant saying, has not detected own change actually. However earnest thinking, has the change probably. He just rebirth that meeting, probably hormone was secreting the surplus time, what mentality cannot suppress, actually a little humidity vigorous appearance. “是吗？”李和不听何芳这话,倒是没有发觉自己的变化。但是认真的想想,好像真的有变化。他刚重生那会,大概身上的荷尔蒙正分泌过剩的时候,什么样的心态都压不住,倒是有点潮气蓬勃的样子。 The association/will is a little impulsive, association/will a little violent temper, even also a little small ambition. 总会有点冲动,总会有点暴脾气,甚至还有一点小野心。 But now? 可是现在呢？ The ambition and did the enterprise midway break? 野心和进取心怎么中途就断了呢？ How he should calculate the age now, he fell into a confusedness. 他现在该怎么算年龄,他又陷入了一个迷茫。 The pure brightness season rain, the spring rain is in abundance continuous, dense that gets down, the thickness that gets down, the wind cannot hang. 清明时节雨纷纷,春雨连绵,下的密,下的稠,风都挂不开。 Since he has shared the housework, is opening the door early, then goes out buys the breakfast. The water accumulated to the threshold, he also specially turned head to say with what Fang, „walked carefully, path smooth/slide.” 自从他分摊了家务之后,都是早早的开门,然后出门买早餐。水都积到门槛了,他还特意回头跟何芳说,“走路小心点,路滑。” When what Fangying good, he wears the rain cape to go out, first bought the breakfast to deliver, drove the post office, gives to send the document that Yu Dehua sent. 待何芳应了好,他才穿上雨披出了门,先去买了早餐送回来,才开车去了邮局,把于德华寄过来的文件给回寄了回去。 The department store by post office, has bought two blade paper money and one bottle of liquor, today he must visit a grave to Old Man in, so long as every year pure brightness has the time, he will help to burn two blade paper money. He burns paper resembling money not to relate with Yu Dehua anything, good that because locates with Old Man in, in emotion in Lilai burns two blade paper money yes right. 在邮局旁边的百货店,买了两刀纸钱和一瓶酒,今天他要给于老头上坟,每年的清明只要有时间,他都会去帮着烧两刀纸钱。他来烧纸跟于德华没什么关系,只是因为跟于老头处的不错,于情于理来烧两刀纸钱是没错的。 Went by car the suburb, here has not built roads, the vehicle can only stop near the say/way, wore the rubber shoes to take the muddy road to walk for a half hour to arrive at the grave. 驱车去了郊区,这边还是没有修路,车子只能停在道边,穿胶鞋走泥路走半个小时才能到坟地。 The Old Man in grave mound is very good to look, one meter high tombstone, always is a little here towering, other grave mounds are only the bulge mounds of earth, a tablet does not have. Some nobody worships, even had been put down by the rain wash. 于老头的坟头很好找,一米多高的墓碑,在这里总有点突兀,其他的坟头只是个凸起的土包,连个碑都没有。有的没有人祭拜,甚至已经被雨水冲刷平了。 Because there is a fine drizzle, the flame is very small, the paper money burns airtight, Li He irrigated a point above already the ready diesel oil, the flame has rubbed flees. 因为有蒙蒙细雨,火苗很小,纸钱烧不透,李和把早就预备好的柴油在上面浇了一点,火焰才蹭蹭的窜上来。 He picked some moist branches to place in the fire of high-piled firewood in side, when the flame was bigger, he has placed above sturdier tree stick. 他又在旁边捡了一些潮湿的树枝放在了火堆里,待火焰更大了,他又把更粗壮的树棍放在了上面。 The hot circle was big, does not fear the fine drizzle, instead the flame was fiercer, wood/blockhead in inside sound. 火圈子大了,不惧蒙蒙细雨,反而火焰更猛了,木头在里面噼里啪啦的响。 „Mr. Yu. The white liquor, suffices the vigor.” The white liquor started, scattered one cup toward the fire of high-piled firewood , the flame flees was higher, „I will also drink one cup.” “老于头。二锅头,够劲。”二锅头启开了,朝火堆里撒了一杯,火焰窜的更高了,“我自己也会喝一杯。” However this cup of he has not delivered toward oneself mouth, actually still scattered one cup toward the fire of high-piled firewood. 但是这一杯他没有朝自己嘴巴里送,却依然还是朝着火堆撒了一杯。 His body has not brought to come, died, was probably decayed, drank one cup of bars to of dying. 他的身体没带过来,算是死了吧,大概已经腐朽了吧,给死去的自己喝一杯酒吧。 His son unmarried girl this will also worship to him like. 他儿子闺女也该会像这样给他祭拜吧。 He is staring at the fire of high-piled firewood, like thinking aloud looks like to the fire of high-piled firewood is speaking, „Mr. Yu, you are merrier than me, you died you to be quiet. I died, I can not be quiet.” 他怔怔的盯着火堆,像自言自语又像对着火堆说话,“老于头,你比我快活,你死了你清静。我死了,我不得清静。” „You are comfortable, this life worry this life. But the father, had no way. What to do you said the father, this whole life did not have the method to be the fathers and sons with the children again. The father thinks actually, but husbands and wives could not make.” “你舒服啊,今世烦恼今世了。可是老子呢,没法了啊。你说老子怎么办,这辈子没法子跟孩子们再做父子了。老子倒是想呢,可是夫妻都做不成了啊。” His stage thinks oneself have been suitable, has thought through, but occasionally thinks, is the period of time clutching pain, is unthinkable, cannot think. 他这阶段以为自己顺了,想通了,可是偶尔一想起来,还是一阵子的揪痛,不能想,不敢想。 Even what Fang perceived that his difference, what Fang is unhappy for him. But he does not think that what Fang is unhappy. 甚至何芳都觉察出了他的异样,何芳也在替他不开心。可是他又不想何芳不开心。 what Fang the belly is getting bigger and bigger, he is getting more and more contradictory. 何芳的肚子越来越大,他就越来越矛盾。 „I, I can whom tell that painstakingly, I no one dare to say!” Only then in such spacious open land, he dares such loud shouting, loud calling, „live is too sober, live is too clear, really endures hardships. I really rather is a fool.” “我心里苦啊,我能跟谁说呢,我谁也不敢说啊！”只有在这样空旷的荒地里,他才敢这样大声的喊,大声的叫,“活的太清醒,活的太明白,真是遭罪。我真宁愿自己是个傻子哦。” Tornado comes, the flame almost by him, he worried toward the hind leg, was actually tripped, sat in the mud, two also supported in the mud. The liquor dispersed, he hurries to hold the jar. 一个旋风过来,火焰差点挨着他了,他着急朝后腿,却被绊倒了,一屁股坐在泥浆里,两手也撑在泥浆里。酒撒开了,他慌忙把瓶子扶起来。 He has not worried, was only but actually one glass of liquor, did not attend to the mud of cup, has rinsed the belly, burning choking, he looked fierce, what were actually more was the mud is uncomfortable in the mouth, he layer on layer/heavily has spat several saliva, then on clean the place with the shoulder has wiped the lower jaw. 他没着急起来,只是倒了一杯酒,不顾杯子的泥巴,一口灌进了肚子,火辣辣的呛,他不禁龇牙咧嘴,其实更多的是泥巴在嘴里不舒服,他重重的吐了好几口唾沫,然后才用肩膀上干净的地方抹了下嘴。 „You help me think, I want to put down them now, is stingy?” He stands up, according to rubs rubbing that on the weed made an effort two hands, the mud did not have. Then added several big woods toward the flame pile, continues saying that „I think like this, you have a look is right. I to 60 people, always had to leave quickly their a day. Now, early leaves, late leaves, will be sooner or later matters. Made their sad be ahead of time sadly, then, every year in multi- fees two blade paper money. They were old, they are the good children, they can always look after oneself, I can put down the heart. Now what Fang has been pregnant, they will possibly have a younger sister, naturally also possibly is the younger brother.” “你帮我想想,我现在想放下他们,算不算心狠？”他站起身,把两只手按在杂草上使劲的蹭了蹭,泥巴才没了。然后朝火焰堆里又加了几根大木头,继续道,“我是这样想的啊,你看看对不对。我都快到60的人了,总有离开他们的一天。现在嘛,早离开,晚离开,都是早晚的事情。只是让他们的难过伤心提前了,然后吧,每年多费上两刀纸钱。他们年龄大了,他们是好孩子,他们总能照顾好自己的,我是能放下心的。现在何芳怀孕了,他们可能会有个妹妹,当然也可能是弟弟。” He also sighed to continue but actually one glass of liquor, has rinsed the belly, „grandparent hurt the big grandson, the parents hurts the old root, this saying was right? Now in what Fang the belly, has slightly, I must tighten slightly? You said that this saying has the mistake right. Is the father can only suppress has been selecting, bias small, counter- upright has married, was sensible, did not need me to worry. Also I, I cannot say do not give up them, after all their previous life accompanied me for a long time, I should also be content.” 他又叹口气继续倒了一杯酒,灌进了肚子,“爷爷奶奶疼大孙,爹妈疼老根,这话是对的吧？现在何芳肚子里,有着小的了,我总得紧着小的吧？你说这话有错没错吧。做爹的就只能狠着点了,偏心小的了,反正大的已经结婚了,懂事了,不需要我操心了。再说我吧,我不能说舍不得他们,毕竟他们上辈子陪了我那么长时间,我也该知足了。” „Sometimes I also feel myself, the present is having a dream, is, I make an effort is pinching itself, card oneself, his mother real sore. Nearly ten years, couldn't I have ten years of dream? Therefore, my this whole life is really real, live real. I must live, I have to live, my father, my old lady, my brother elder sisters. Yeah, currently the brides have. The brides were pregnant. My this delayed her ten years, I must supply her, I cannot owe others. They live real.” “我有时也觉着自己呢,现在是在做梦,可是呢,我使劲的掐着自己,卡着自己,他娘的真疼。快十年了,我不能做了十年的梦吧？所以啊,我这辈子是真真的,活的真真的。我得活啊,我不得不活啊,我爹在呢,我老娘在呢,我兄弟姐们都在呢。哎,现在新媳妇都有了。新媳妇都怀孕了。我这耽误了她十年,我得补给她啊,我也不能欠着人家啊。他们都活的真真的呢。” Perhaps this glass of liquor were choking the throat, he did not make every effort to succeed has cried, crying loudness of , that tears mixed the rainwater to get down from the face together. 这杯酒也许是呛着嗓子了吧,他又不争气的哭了起来,哭的很大声,那眼泪水就混着雨水从脸上一起下来了。 „Since while still alive real, the father must work, you told that pulls out the pit of the stomach, I see that group of foreigners am not pleasing to the eyes, you must say that I am the big-nationality chauvinism, I also recognized. You said that this person of poverty, the dog shuts out, let alone is a country is poor. Others have the reason to despise you. Couple days ago, what Fang has raised with me, when I went to school a resentment over foreigner, if he did not raise to me, I almost forgot. Has share resentment that at heart, if cannot spit, the father is uncomfortable. I must continue the resentment he, does not make him be convinced, the father is not merry.” “既然活活的真真的,老子是不是得做点事,跟你说句掏心窝子的话,我看到那帮洋鬼子就是不顺眼,你要说我是大民族主义,我也认了。你说啊,这人穷,狗都嫌弃,何况是一个国家穷。人家有理由鄙视你。前几天,何芳跟我提了,我上学时怼过一个洋鬼子,他要是不给我提,我都差点忘记了。心里就是有那么股子怨气,要是吐不出来,老子就是不舒服。我还得继续去怼他,不让他服气,老子就是不快活。” „Several days later the father must hold the banquet, this calculates that ahead of time invited the celebration drink that you drank.” Li He said that poured the final half bottle of liquor in the fire of high-piled firewood completely, „, was right, you felt relieved that your son I guaranteed the position of his Hong Kong richest family. Such.” “过几天老子要摆酒席了,这算提前请你喝的喜酒。”李和说完把最后半瓶酒全部倒在了火堆里,“哦,对了,你放心吧,你儿子我保他个香港首富的位置。就这么着了。” Bang, the beverage bottle child was thrown the tiny bits that on the tombstone cracks with the teeth by him. 砰的一声,酒瓶子被他扔到墓碑上嗑的稀碎。 Deep air vent, is straightening up body, does not return left the tomb. 深深的出了一口气,挺直着身子,头也不回的离开了墓地。 Arrived the road near, after finding car(riage), moistened the full mud the clothes and shoes takes off to throw completely, the body has only left behind red underpants. 到了公路边,找到车以后,把身上的沾满泥浆的衣服和鞋子全部脱掉扔了,身上只留下了一条红内裤。
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