„Hū......... Hū......... shouted ............” “呼…………呼…………呼…………” The wind of out of the window, keeps moving the curtain screen, probably black shadow, keeps lingering outside. 窗外的风,不停地吹动着帘子,像是有一道道黑色的影子,不停地在外面徘徊。 Under the curtain of night, outside the window, who is standing? 夜幕之下,窗子外面,到底站着谁？ Perhaps, 或许, Most people childhood has this guess, has similar doubts. 大部分人小时候都有着这种揣测,也都有类似的疑惑。 vermilion Shengnan is opening eyes, lies on the bed. 朱胜男睁着眼,躺在床上。 She has the independent room, 她有自己独立的房间, Own bed, 自己的大床, Own closet, 自己的衣柜, Own dressing table, 自己的梳妆台, She has, 她有, A condition very good family/home. 一个条件很好的家。 The entire China, called to win the male female, if conducted statistics, the number can be astonishing many. 整个中国,叫胜男的女性,如果做一个统计的话,数目会是一种惊人的多。 How perhaps guardians do not feel, 家长们自己或许不觉得如何, But this name, itself brings constraining, even if going against the master of this name, will loathe own name subconsciously. 但这个名字,本身就带着一种压抑,哪怕是顶着这个名字的主人,也会下意识地厌恶自己的名字。 As if own birth, as if own sex, 仿佛自己的出生,仿佛自己的性别, Regarding own parental families, 对于自己父母家庭来说, Is a helplessness, 是一种无奈, Is heaving a sigh that one type has to accept fate, 是一种不得不认命的唉声叹气, Wants a son, 想要个儿子, Actually gives birth to a daughter, 却生出个女儿, Under absolutely cannot be helped, gets up „wins male” name, 万般无奈之下,起个“胜男”的名字, Is one of the parental guardian „self-deception”. 算是父母家长的一种“自欺欺人”。 Human, because of the construction of moral principle, can distinguish by oneself between the beast, can be separated slowly from the myriad things sequence ; 人类,因为伦理道德的建设,让自己得以区别于禽兽,得以从万物序列之中慢慢地脱离出来; But anything, has the dual character, the distortion of moral principle, will often become the side effect, starts to hurt human. 但任何事情,都是有两面性的,伦理道德的扭曲,往往会成为副作用,开始去伤害人类本身。 The present is 5 : 00 am, 现在是早上 5 点, vermilion Sheng male wakes up early, 朱胜男早早地醒来, Actually does not know that must make anything. 却又不知道要去做什么。 She this year is six years old, originally on the age of kindergarten, but in the family/home has not made her go to the kindergarten, but invited private taught to teach her at home. 她今年六岁,原本正是上幼儿园的年纪,但家里并没有让她去上幼儿园,而是请的私教在家里教导她。 She has not revolted, did not understand that revolts. 她没反抗,也不懂得去反抗。 Cannot fall asleep, day also not bright, 睡不着,天又还没亮, She will not quarrel, will not make, 她不会吵,也不会闹, She has a family/home, 她有一个家, But the home, the light color is a little dark. 但这个家,光色有点暗。 She does not know that selects itself to make anything in this, 她不知道在这个点自己可以去做点什么, Watches the television? 看电视？ Watches the cartoon? 看漫画？ Goes to parents' room, gets into their beds to act like a spoiled brat? 去自己父母的房间,钻进他们的被窝撒娇？ Her merely depends on the bedhead, sits , has sat. 她只是靠着床头,坐着,一直,坐着。 Has sat to the weather starts to put clear(ly). 一直坐到天色开始放明。 Downstairs, heard the sound of footsteps, should be own paternal grandmother gets out of bed, was preparing the breakfast to the whole family. 楼下,传来了脚步声,应该是自己的奶奶起床了,正在给一家人准备早餐。 She also got up, 她也起来了, Wears the clothes, 穿衣服, Washing, 洗漱, Tidies up after oneself is appropriate, 把自己收拾得妥当之后, Slowly went down the building. 慢慢地走下了楼。 „Wins the male, come, eats meal.” “胜男啊,来,吃饭。” „Good, Paternal grandmother.” “好的,奶奶。” Wins the male not to sit to the table near, 胜男没有坐到餐桌边, But stands in the small room entrance of living room corner. 而是站在客厅拐角处的小房间门口。 The paternal grandmother is carrying a tray, on the tray, is putting the gruel and tableware. 奶奶端着一个托盘上来了,托盘上,放着粥和碗筷。 So-called eating meal, 所谓的吃饭, Did not shout that her granddaughter has the breakfast together, 并不是喊她孙女一起吃早餐, Do the people eat indifferently, is the person hungry also indifferently, 人吃不吃无所谓,人饿不饿也无所谓, The Bodhisattvas cannot have a deficit absolutely. 菩萨绝对不能亏欠。 The paternal grandmother puts cautiously the tribute food, places, then kneels on the front rush cushion, kowtows devotionally. 奶奶小心翼翼地把贡食放上去,摆放好,然后在前面的蒲团上跪下来,虔诚地磕头。 In vermilion Shengnan memory, the paternal grandmother does not believe in Buddhism, when did not know starts, starts to believe. 在朱胜男的记忆里,奶奶是不信佛的,不知道什么时候开始,开始信了。 After worshipping on bended knees, 跪拜完之后, The paternal grandmother stood up, puts out a hand, held vermilion Shengnan wrist/skill. 奶奶站起身,伸手,抓住了朱胜男的手腕。 The needle, took by the paternal grandmother, to vermilion Shengnan arm on to bind, was drawing half blood. 针头,被奶奶拿了出来,对着朱胜男的手臂就扎了进去,抽了半管的血。 immediately afterward, the paternal grandmother pours into granddaughter's blood the wick. 紧接着,奶奶把孙女的血注入灯芯里。 vermilion Shengnan does not know that this is the means where the paternal grandmother studies, but she likes very much, because compared with drawing blood, other methods, oneself will be more uncomfortable. 朱胜男不知道这是奶奶从哪里学来的办法,但她很喜欢,因为比起抽血,其他的一些方法,自己会更难受一些。 The paternal grandmother knelt to bend down, she started to worship on bended knees, but, this time, what she worshipped on bended knees was under altar that picture. 奶奶又跪伏了下来,她又开始跪拜了,不过,这一次,她跪拜的是供桌下面的那幅画。 In picture, 画中, Two ghost messenger, front is a male baby. 两个鬼差,前面则是一个男娃娃。 The paternal grandmother mouth mumbled is praying, incomparably reverent. 奶奶嘴里念念有词地祷告着,无比地虔诚。 vermilion Shengnan looks to that picture, this picture, she looked did not know many times. 朱胜男看向那幅画,这幅画,她看了不知道多少次了。 In many days and nights, the paternal grandmother takes the whip, or the father takes the cigarette butt, either, was hit himself by oneself simply, 很多个日夜里,奶奶拿着鞭子,或者爸爸拿着烟头,又或者,干脆让自己打自己, In front of this picture, 就在这幅画面前, The meaning is to let two ghost messenger in this picture sees. 意思就是让这幅画里的两个鬼差看见。 Said, 说, So long as this, 只要自己这样, The father can have the son. 爸爸就能有儿子了。 Right, 对的, The father wants a son, 爸爸想要一个儿子, The paternal grandmother also wants a grandson. 奶奶也想要一个孙子。 They want that male baby in words, 他们想要话里的那种男娃娃, The following structure, is different from. 下面的构造,和自己不同。 vermilion Sheng is male, oneself in the home, are completely an unnecessary role, started from a oneself birth, unnecessary until the present. 朱胜男清楚,自己在这个家里,完全是一个多余的角色,从自己一出生开始,就多余到了现在。 She forgot that she does have to cry, 她忘记自己到底有没有哭过, Also blurred itself to make, 也模糊了自己到底有没有闹过, If this is a besieged city, 如果这是一座围城, Then it has not let the gate that you pass in and out. 那它根本就没有让你进出的门。 The person outside city, cannot see inside, 城外的人,看不见里面, The person in city, cannot go to outside. 城里的人,也去不了外面。 The people, which family were unable to decide born , once were born, you had no alternative. 人,无法决定自己出生于哪个家庭,一旦出生,你就别无选择。 The Bodhisattvas finished eating, 菩萨吃完了, Ate on the above-mentioned person. 就该人吃了。 vermilion Shengnan sat near the dining table, the paternal grandmother gave her hold porridge/gruel. 朱胜男坐到了饭桌边,奶奶给她盛粥。 On table, small steamed stuffed bun and brined vegetable, egg milk this class will not lack. 桌上,还有小包子和咸菜,鸡蛋牛奶这类的更是不会缺。 Except that in that small room, 除了在那个小房间里, The paternal grandmother to oneself is very good, 奶奶对自己都是很好的, Cared oneself eat, 关心自己吃, Cared oneself put on, 关心自己穿, Protects itself very much, 很呵护自己, Sympathizes itself very much, 很体贴自己, Looks like considering own darling devotedly, 就像是在悉心照顾自己的心肝宝贝, vermilion Shengnan remembers, 朱胜男记得, The paternal grandmother before was the raising pigs specialized household family background, this for the father to go to college to work. 奶奶以前是养猪专业户出身,这才供起爸爸上大学出来工作。 The father got down, he sits at the table, smiles to vermilion Shengnan, then asked 爸爸下来了,他坐在桌旁,对朱胜男笑了笑,然后问道 „Did Bodhisattva eat?” “菩萨吃了么？” „Has eaten.” The paternal grandmother replied. “吃过了。”奶奶回答道。 „Un.” “嗯。” The father ate casually, set out to go to work, before walking, he said specially „tonight I do not come back.” 爸爸随便吃了点,就起身要去上班了,走之前,他特意道“今晚我不回来了。” „Un, do not come back.” “嗯,别回来了。” vermilion Shengnan knows, the father must go to other woman there tonight. 朱胜男知道,爸爸今晚要去住到其他女人那里。 This matter, 这一件事, The paternal grandmother also knows. 奶奶也是知道的。 He wants the son, 他想要儿子, She wants the grandson, 她想要孙子, The mother and child, the goal is consistent. 母子俩,目标是一致的。 The mother's first viviparity got down itself, 妈妈第一胎生下了自己, Later when the continual triplets make the ultrasound is the baby girls, miscarried. 之后连续三胎做b超时都是女婴,就都流产了。 Actually, long ago, the country stipulated that when makes the ultrasound does not allow the doctor to disclose the baby sex. 其实,在很久以前,国家就规定,做b超时不允许医生透露婴儿性别。 But the stipulation is good forever, above original intention is also good forever, 但规定永远是好的,上面初衷也永远是好的, However, 然而, The execution stipulates is not the machine, but is the person. 执行规定的不是机器,而是人。 Even if stipulates so, but knew what in every year own wife belly bosom is the daughter plans to make the example of stream of people, absolutely is innumerable. 哪怕规定如此,但每年得知自己妻子肚子里怀的是女儿而打算做人流的例子,绝对是数不胜数。 This perhaps, 这或许, Also is a luck. 也是一种幸运。 These baby girls, if born, in that type, if knows that will be in the families of baby girl stream of people, actually, really might as well leave early, waits for next reincarnation. 那些女婴,如果降生在那种如果知道是女婴就会人流的家庭里,其实,真的不如早早地离开,去等待下一个轮回。 In finished simply from the beginning, the treatment and unfair that is born can suffer after them, seems not the misdemeanor. 干干脆脆地在一开始就结束,比起她们降生后会遭受的待遇和不公,仿佛也不是什么坏事。 But vermilion Sheng is male, 但朱胜男清楚, The father had many women outside, 爸爸在外面有好多个女人了, Several women were pregnant, 好几个女人都怀孕了, Actually was still the girls, wiped out. 却仍然都是女孩,也都打掉了。 The father is a dentist, 爸爸是个牙医, He by oneself woman abortion, pulled a tooth to the patient with himself, same neat. 他让自己的女人堕胎,和自己给病人拔牙,一样的干脆利落。 Without the son, has many daughters, regarding their mother and child, is not meaningful. 没有儿子,生再多的女儿,对于他们母子俩来说,都没什么意义。 This is one type holds to read, 这是一种执念, One type holds to read in bystander opinion very much unthinkably. 一种在外人看来很匪夷所思地执念。 After the father walks, mother got down. 在爸爸走后,妈妈下来了。 The mother hair is a little chaotic, 妈妈头发有点乱糟糟的, The spirit is not very good. 精神不是很好。 vermilion Shengnan a little fears own mother, 朱胜男有点怕自己的妈妈, Especially in oneself and mother sit when a table. 尤其是在自己和妈妈坐在一张桌子时。 „pā!” “啪！” „Quite hot!” “好烫！” The mother was burnt the mouth by the gruel, 妈妈被粥烫到了嘴, Overturns the gruel bowl, the boiling hot meat gruel scattered on vermilion Shengnan body. 把粥碗打翻,滚烫的肉粥撒在了朱胜男的身上。 vermilion Shengnan body trembles slightly, has not shouted hurts, even, has not gone to pay attention. 朱胜男身体微微一颤,没喊疼,甚至,没去理会。 The mother is intentionally, 妈妈是故意的, She knows, 她知道, The mother does not like herself, hates itself. 妈妈不喜欢自己,恨自己。 She felt, creates the family now the chief criminal of this appearance, is vermilion Shengnan. 她觉得,造成自己家庭如今这个样子的罪魁祸首,就是朱胜男。 If oneself is a boy, mother still had the happy family. 如果自己是个男孩儿,妈妈就仍然拥有幸福美满的家庭。 „This broom child, noticed air/Qi!” “这个扫把孩子,一看到就来气！” The mother takes up the chopsticks, was pulling out to vermilion Shengnan. 妈妈拿起筷子,对着朱胜男抽了起来。 vermilion Shengnan sits there, motionless, no matter what she pulls out. 朱胜男就坐在那儿,不动,任她抽。 Pulls out, 抽吧, The chopsticks pull out on the body, although hurts, 筷子抽在身上虽然疼, But compared with taking the cigarette butt blows with the knife on oneself with the scissors, 但比起拿烟头拿剪刀拿小刀在自己身上刮, Was nothing. 就算不了什么了。 The paternal grandmother sits there, is chewing the steamed bun of mouth peacefully, 奶奶就坐在那里,安静地嘴嚼着嘴里的馒头, This time paternal grandmother, 此时的奶奶, Probably A Dream of Red Mansions Ms. Jia is the same, 像是红楼梦里的贾母一样, Keeps aloof, looks at following creating a disturbance. 高高在上,看着下面的打打闹闹。 The breakfast finished, 早餐结束了, The mother went upstairs, for successive three times miscarried, keeping her from continue be pregnant, made her spirit suffer the huge blow, she closed/pass oneself all day at home. 妈妈又上楼去了,连续三次流产,让她无法继续怀孕,也让她的精神遭受了巨大的打击,她整天就把自己关在家里。 But she also knows, 而她自己也知道, Her husband, 她的丈夫, Also for a boy, 还在为了一个男孩儿, In outside, 在外面, On the body of other woman, 在别的女人的身上, Is doing farm work industriously. 辛勤耕耘着。 People when watching soap opera, often will feel absurdly, always thought that in the reality is impossible to have this matter to happen. 人们在看电视剧时,往往会感觉荒谬,总觉得现实里不可能有这种事发生。 But in fact, 但事实上, Story that in the reality has, often will be more like the soap opera compared with the soap opera. 现实里所发生的故事,往往会比电视剧更像是电视剧。 Many lower limits of human, compared with crazy of artist, come fearfully. 人类的很多下限,比艺术家的疯狂,来得更加可怕。 Private taught the teacher to come, 私教老师来了, During the daytime, 白天, Attends class. 就是上课。 In the evening, 等到晚上时, Private taught the teacher to walk, 私教老师走了, The paternal grandmother shouted her 奶奶喊她 „Had the dinner.” “吃晚饭了。” vermilion Sheng male, her obediently stands in the small room entrance. 朱胜男下来了,她乖乖地站在小房间门口。 The paternal grandmother opens the door, walked with her. 奶奶打开门,和她走了进去。 In the paternal grandmother hand presented a bit, 奶奶手里出现了一个刀片, She took off oneself clothes. 她脱掉了自己的衣服。 Also body, had/left a wound, the blood, starts the class/flow to come out. 身上,又多出了一道伤口,鲜血,开始流出来。 The paternal grandmother kneels on the ground, starts to cry, hugs her to cry. 奶奶跪在地上,开始哭,抱着她哭。 „ My this granddaughter of cruel fate, “我这苦命的孙女儿唉, The God you enlarge ones vision, 老天爷你开开眼唉, My this granddaughter of cruel fate, 我这苦命的孙女儿唉, My this heart and liver treasure oh ............ ” 我这心肝儿宝贝唉…………” The paternal grandmother cries frequently, 奶奶经常哭, She felt, by crying, can move the Bodhisattva, moves that two people in picture. 她觉得,靠哭,可以感动菩萨,感动画里的那两个人。 When looks like the rural area makes funeral arrangements weeps before the bier, before also the talking and laughing merrily happy smiling face face/color brother's wives went, immediately can cry „earthly-shaking”, the paternal grandmother also inherited this skill. 就像是农村办丧事时哭灵,之前还谈笑风生喜笑颜颜的妯娌们进去,马上就能哭出个“惊天动地”,奶奶也继承了这个技能。 She said that the Bodhisattva matter are many, you did not shout that high, she does not listen clearly. 她说菩萨事儿多,你不喊高一点,她听不清楚。 If she does not listen clearly, will not manage you. 如果她听不清楚,就不会理你了。 vermilion Shengnan looked to hug to kneel in the paternal grandmother of ground, 朱胜男看了看抱着自己跪在地上的奶奶, Also looked at front. 又看了看前面。 Swiftly, 倏然间, She sees the two people in picture, probably, yes, moved. 她看见画里的两个人,像是动了一下,是的,动了一下。 And, is still smiling to. 其中一个,像是还在对着自己笑。 She shouts immediately 她马上喊道 „Paternal grandmother, the person in picture moves.” “奶奶,画里的人动哩。” She is happy, 她是开心的, Even jumps for joy. 甚至是雀跃的。 Perhaps, 或许, When the father and paternal grandmother's matter completed, 当爸爸和奶奶的事情办成了, Can oneself also divorce from this numb life? 自己也就能脱离这麻木的生活吧？ The most difficult pouring to extinguish with is most difficult to strangle, often fantasized. 最难浇灭和最难扼杀的,往往是幻想。 „pā!” “啪！” Paternal grandmother cheeks pulled out on vermilion Shengnan face, 奶奶一个嘴巴子抽在了朱胜男的脸上, Scolded 呵斥道 „Dead baby, whom deceives, talked nonsense what nonsense!”. “死娃子,骗谁呢,瞎说什么鬼话！”。