Human of the world has a common feature. 全世界的人类都有一个共同的特点。 Regardless is usually friendly, falls in love, once quarrelled, will say subconsciously ruthlessly. 无论平时多么友好,相爱,一旦吵架的时候,就会下意识地说出最狠的话。 These words are not necessarily virulent, but is most can certainly be disappointed. 这些话不一定恶毒,但一定是最能寒心。 If not disappointed, can only explain noisy is not very intense, both sides are insufficient the vitality/angry, does not want really to break off noisily. 如果不寒心,只能说明吵的还不够激烈,双方还不够生气,不想真地闹掰。 In this case, everyone will then rack brains, discovers the opposite party not too fatal shortcoming resourcefully. 在这种情况下,大家便会绞尽脑汁,想方设法地找出对方并不太致命的缺点。 This shortcoming can be likes smoking, can be sleeps to like turning over/standing up, even can be two years ago some day urinated to forget the flushing institute. 这个缺点可以是爱抽烟,可以是睡觉爱翻身,甚至可以是两年前的某一天撒尿忘了冲厕所。 In brief no matter has goose bumps how, even if dozens years ago Chen Zhima rotten millets, once were picked by the opposite party, can work miracles, becomes the language attack „lethal weapon”. 总之不管有多么的鸡毛蒜皮,哪怕几十年前的陈芝麻烂谷子,一旦被对方捡起来,也能撒豆成兵,成为语言攻击的“凶器”。 In the today Gu Xiaoyan family/home, there are such two people to grasp the lethal weapon to fight one in the morning. 今天顾小颜家里,有这么两个人就手持凶器大战了一上午。 The cause is Gu Xiaoyan's father Gu Dabao, next week must following leader investigation trip abroad one month. 起因是顾小颜的父亲顾大宝,下周要去跟着领导出国考察一个月。 This means that Gu Dabao New Year's Day the festival definitely does not come back. 这意味着顾大宝元旦节肯定是回不来的。 In addition, on January 2 or the Gu Xiaoyan's 17 th birthday, the whole family has planned New Year's Day to fly Shanghai to go to Disney to play. 除此之外,一月 2 号还是顾小颜的17岁生日,一家人早就计划元旦飞到魔都去迪士尼玩一趟。 If puts out one only, mother Gu Xiaoyan's only will complain. 要是单拿出一件,顾小颜的妈妈都只会抱怨一下。 But New Year's Day and birthday adds the same place, ignited the blasting fuse all of a sudden, the bride's side in the kitchen read to continue the dining table broken. 可元旦和生日加一块,一下子就燃起了导火索,女方在厨房的碎碎念一直持续到了饭桌。 But the groom's family has not only apologized instead gets angry to try to shiver with fright. 而男方不仅没有道歉反而黑着脸试图打冷战。 Therefore the bride's side finished eating the food to get more mad, the cleaning rag throws, gives the daughter the apron and tableware, oneself pursue to the study room conducts „directional blasting” to the groom's family. 于是女方吃完饭越想越气,抹布一扔,把围裙和碗筷交给女儿,自己就追到书房对男方进行“定向爆破”。 The junior middle school physics has studied, the function of strength mutual, this point knows Li Chi. 初中物理就学过,力的作用是相互的,这一点连李驰都知道。 The impulse when the directional blasting initiates affects groom's family body, the groom's family fell the mouse to stand up, exerted a reacting force to bride's side body. 当定向爆破引发的冲击力作用到男方身上的时候,男方一摔鼠标站起身,施加了一个反作用力到女方身上。 Therefore the bride's side discards the ordinary day calm thoroughly, pulls the hair to roar: 于是女方彻底抛掉平日的从容,抓了抓头发就吼起来: „Gu Dabao! In others television the great treasure sees daily! You are booing, when the big day person does not see!” “顾大宝！人家电视里大宝天天见！你倒好,每到重要日子人就不见！” „Your calm point is good? Don't I think New Year's Day to carry over to the next year at home? Don't I want to celebrate the last underage birthday to the daughter?” “你冷静点儿好不好？我不想元旦在家跨年？我不想给女儿过最后一个未成年的生日？” Gu Dabao pats the palm to ask back again and again, the spittle scatters, stirring up the opposite party is discontented, directly enters the bringing up old scores link that loves: 顾大宝拍着手掌连连反问,唾沫星子四溅,惹得对方更加不满,直接进入喜闻乐见的翻旧账环节: „This how many times? Last year my mother 70 th birthday you travelled on official business, this year is my father 70 th birthday, you are the liquor bureau cannot get out of the way, you to my parents what opinion?” “这都多少次了？去年我妈70大寿你就出差,今年又是我爸70大寿,你又是酒局走不开,你到底对我爸妈什么意见？” „That did not run upon! What to do can I?” “那不就都撞上了嘛！我能怎么办？” „What to do can you?” “你能怎么办？” Finishes speaking brings in one skewer to sneer, as if and other this thread of conversation: 话音刚落就引来一串冷笑,仿佛就在等他这个话茬子: „Business trip cannot get out of the way, even if, the liquor bureau could not get out of the way still by you, now the investigation trip abroad you couldn't have turned down?” “出差走不开就算了,酒局走不开也由你,现在出国考察你还推不掉？” Mother Gu as if completely understood all, the sharp eye narrowed a line, the fingertip soon punctures the tip of the nose of Father Gu: 顾妈妈仿佛看透了一切,锐利的眼眯成一条线,指尖快要戳破顾爸爸的鼻头了: „Who your type of unit does not know, what investigation trip abroad, is the junketing makes merry, cannot do well... cannot do well also daily in hotel ‚study foreign language’!” “你们这种单位谁不知道,什么出国考察,全是公费旅游吃喝玩乐,搞不好...搞不好还天天在酒店‘学外语’呢！” Gu Dabao one hear of this saying were anxious, the body shrinks closes the study room door: 顾大宝一听这话急了,身子一缩关上书房门: „! Sun Fenfen you talked nonsense anything!” “嘘！孙芬芬你胡说什么呢！” „Hehe, fears that now the daughter did hear?” “呵呵,现在就怕女儿听见了？” „The Pah! nonsense study foreign language, is your why dirty person pure?!” “我呸！狗屁学外语,你凭什么污人清白？！” „What without you to be afraid?” “没有你心虚什么啊？” Sun Fenfen is holding up the head, the wing of the nose both sides muscles start to twitch. 孙芬芬昂着头,鼻翼两侧的肌肉开始抽搐。 It seems like this was says, this old codger really... 看来这是说中了,这个老不死的果然... Sun Fenfen abacus at heart hits the sound, these year of husbands may the investigation trip abroads a lot, learn one month of foreign language each time, now the foreign language can definitely the specialized eight levels! 孙芬芬心里的算盘打的啪啪响,这些年丈夫可没少出国考察,每次都学一个月外语,如今外语肯定都能过专业八级了！ The heart of Sun Fenfen was cool immediately half. 孙芬芬的心顿时凉了一半。 Presses this mentality to think again, in addition investigation trip abroad „study foreign language”, home that frequent business trip how could not „study national language”? 按着这个思路再一想,出国考察尚且“学外语”,国内那么频繁的出差岂能不“学国语”？ „narrates systematically and in full detail, 530...” “一五一十,十五二十...” She calculates, husband these years „study national language” the number of times adds more serious, the Tang poem 300 capitals can know by heart! 她又是一算,丈夫这些年“学国语”的次数加起来更不得了,唐诗三百首都能倒背如流了！ In has Tang poem 300, outside has the specialty eight levels. 内有唐诗三百首,外有专业八级。 Sun Fenfen starts to hit the weeping voice all of a sudden: 孙芬芬一下子就开始打哭腔: „Gu Dabao! Good you learned bogus foreigner!” “顾大宝！好你个满腹经纶的假洋鬼子！” „???” “？？？” This, gradually quarrelled the pitch-dark livelihood not to have light/only, quick rushed to the topic of divorce. 这一架,逐渐吵得昏天黑地日月无光,很快就奔着离婚的话题去了。 „Do not bump me! Tomorrow will go to the civil administration bureau to pull the card!” “别碰我！明天就去民政局扯证！” „Pulls pulls!” “扯就扯！” The husband also has the temperament: 丈夫也是有脾气的: „Said that my Gu Dabao does not see daily, your Sun Fenfen knows that minutes/shares, to fear anyone to whom.” “说我顾大宝天天不见,你孙芬芬就知道分分分,离就离谁怕谁。” Two people's sound in the study room makes Gu Xiaoyan of kitchen very helpless. 两个人在书房的动静让厨房的顾小颜很无奈。 She is commonly seen too understands the parents, knows two people are hysteric, matter will more not make in a big way, therefore is disinclined to meddle. 她是司空见惯太了解父母,知道两个人越是歇斯底里,事情越不会闹大,所以才懒得插手。 Waited to wash the tray dishes silently, Gu Xiaoyan tidied up the top to beat open the study room carefully sluggishly: 等默默地洗完了盘子碗筷,顾小颜又仔细收拾了灶台才慢吞吞地敲开书房: „Father, mother, you good?” “爸,妈,你们好了没啊？” „Xiaoyan! You quick said.” “小颜！你快来说说。” Two people saw Gu Xiaoyan also to put out a hand, finally stood in the study room entrance mother gets there first, draws the daughter to ask to stand in line: 两个人见了顾小颜都是同时伸手,最后还是站在书房门口的妈妈近水楼台先得月,拉过女儿求站队: „You said your father, wants the investigation trip abroad...” “你说说你爸,又要出国考察...” „Aiya mother, you do not feel embarrassed my father, you looked that he is laborious this year...” “哎呀妈,你就别为难我爸了,你看他今年多辛苦啊...” Regarding reverse winning over of Sun Fenfen, Gu Dabao is very happy: 对于孙芬芬的反向拉拢,顾大宝喜上眉梢: „Listens, what is the small cotton-wadded jacket!” “听听,什么叫小棉袄！” „Father, you are also stubborn, eating meal time do not suspend a dirty look, said that two words of praise were all right early...” “爸,你也是犟,吃饭的时候别摆个臭脸,说两句好话早没事儿了...” Wasn't good like Lin Xiaoxian? Oneself one was not every time happy he will roar, listening to him in the ear to say gently makes the words that childhood friend blushes, Gu Xiaoyan want to act like a spoiled brat without enough time, where is also willing to quarrel with him. 像林小贤那样不就好了？自己每次一不高兴他就会来哄,听他温温柔柔地在耳边说一些让青梅竹马脸红的话,顾小颜想撒娇都来不及,哪里还舍得和他吵啊。 The common saying said well, when the children forever are the parents quarrelled the most effective well distributed medicinal preparations. 常言说得好,儿女永远是爸妈吵架时最有效的调和剂。 Although truth everyone understands, but the similar words saying from daughter mouth are seem have persuasive power some. 虽然道理大家都懂,但同样的话从女儿口里说出来就是要显得有说服力一些。 Merely two, Sun Fenfen hear on tone one soft: 仅仅两句,孙芬芬听完就语气一软: „Daughter, is mainly he returns to this every time, this reaching an agreement entire family Disney...” “女儿啊,主要是他每回都这样,这次说好的全家迪斯尼...” „Mother, I am not actually interested in that thing very much.” “妈,其实我对那个东西也不是很感兴趣。” „Isn't interested? I looked that many young people don't like very much?” “不感兴趣？我看很多年轻人不都很喜欢吗？” „These person and I am different.” “那些人和我不一样嘛。” „Really?” “真的？” „Really.” “真的。” These young people are form a pair, Gu Xiaoyan is not and Lin Xiaoxian two people goes alone, naturally is not interested. 那些年轻人都是成双成对的,顾小颜又不是和林小贤两个人单独去,当然不感兴趣了。 „You become reconciled slowly, I must go out in the afternoon, first takes a bath.” “你们自己慢慢和好吧,我下午还要出门,先去洗个澡。” Gu Xiaoyan said that walked, compared with seeing the parents makes the primal chaos, might as well thinks that today uses what flavor the gel. 顾小颜说完就走了,比起看父母打太极,还不如多想想今天用什么味道的沐浴露。 Cannot use the jasmine in any case, because the Su Yuan's shampoo is also the jasmine. 反正不能用茉莉的,因为苏元的洗发水也是茉莉的。 Also cannot use the gardenia. 也不能用栀子花的。 Zhou Jia body has the gardenia taste, hateful Lin Xiaoxian also wears the Jiajia clothes. 周佳身上就有栀子花味,可恶的林小贤还穿过佳佳的衣服呢。 Gu Xiaoyan removes completely the light in the bathroom, looks at row of small bottle on a basin to choose slowly. 顾小颜在浴室脱光光,看着台盆上的一排小瓶子慢慢挑选起来。 But Sun Fenfen, two people have entered discuss with the stage, waited for some side apology to recognize instigates. 而孙芬芬这边,两个人已经进入谈和阶段,就等着某一方道歉认怂了。 „Fenfen, you looked that our daughters understand me, is the time of business trip and inspection is not I decides each time, so skillful can blame me? The words that you must blame... also can only blame you to in the New Year's Day live the daughter...” “芬芬,你看咱们女儿多理解我,每次出差和考察的时间又不是我定的,就这么巧能怪我吗？你非要怪的话...也只能怪你偏偏要在元旦把女儿生出来啊...” The Sun Fenfen holding breath one breath, stared the eye to be angry round he: 孙芬芬倒吸一口气,瞪圆了眼睛嗔他: „Is good your Gu Dabao, has you to fling the pot? I was the New Year's Day lived her, you told me actually, which domestic animal that year vernal equinox was midnight turns the window, in type that old lady body broadcast!” “好你个顾大宝,有你这么甩锅的？我是元旦生了她,那你倒是告诉我,那年春分又是哪个畜牲半夜翻窗户,在老娘身上播的种！” „This... the honor medal indeed had my half... not saying that this, I apologize! I apologize well?” “这个...军功章的确有我一半...不说这个了,我道歉！我道歉好吧？” „Snort... the sincerity does not have.” “哼...诚意都没有。” „Sincerity has! Has...” “诚意有！有有有...” Gu Dabao treated in the system for a long time, is along the person who the pole crawled, quickly has hugged the wife whisper: 顾大宝在体制内待久了,也是个会顺杆爬的人,急忙搂过妻子耳语: „Tonight my project can rest temporarily, in the family/home did not remain two boxes of that anything... you to say last year, if expired multi- waste...” “今晚我这个项目可以暂时歇息了,家里去年不是还剩了两盒那啥嘛...你说要是过期了多浪费...” „Rolls the distant point! Welldoing...” “滚远点！德行...” An old yet still graceful middle-aged woman, the bashful belt/bring is angry like the thoroughly ripe juicy peach, the heavy fruit creakies in the branch, rocks seems to be tempting Gu Dabao to take off. 一个风韵犹存的中年女人,含羞带嗔的时候就像熟透的蜜桃,沉甸甸的果实在枝头摇摇欲坠,晃动着似乎在引诱顾大宝摘下。 „Fenfen, dear...” “芬芬,亲爱的...” Saw that Gu Dabao starts to recite, Sun Fenfen made an effort to clutch him to break, received the character and style in eye to ask formally: 眼看顾大宝开始吟唱,孙芬芬使劲揪了揪他才打断施法,收起眼里的风情正儿八经地问道: „Mentioned your project, the words that I have not remembered incorrectly did you plan the bureau to do for a year? Didn't have the result?” “说起你那个项目,我没记错的话你们规划局应该搞了一年了吧？还没结果？” „Also, builds the Chengdu City new terrestrial reference early after all, therefore my investigation trip abroad also really goes to Study, the deputy director leads personally, if I pushed, from now on position of deputy director...” “还早呢,毕竟是打造蓉城新地标嘛,所以我这次出国考察也真的是去学习,副局长亲自带队,我要是推了,今后副局长的位置...” Following did not say that Sun Fenfen also understands, therefore she will not really make to divorce with the husband. 后面的不说孙芬芬也懂,所以她也不会真的跟丈夫闹离婚。 „Actually, project, if gives these native design teams or the state-owned enterprise design institutes, efficiency high many, mainly this selected designer is that what Mr.su, brings the team that comes back from the overseas, he is the true bogus foreigner!” “其实吧,项目要是交给那些本土设计团队或者国企设计院,效率会高不少,主要这次中标的设计方是那个什么Mr.su,带着从国外回来的团队,他才是真正的假洋鬼子！” Sun Fenfen one hear is flat the glib lips. 孙芬芬一听就扁着嘴皮子。 „Which su? Su Dongpo's Su?” “哪个su？苏东坡的苏？” „Right.” “对。” „That, I discovered no wonder person surnamed Su really has the issue, you still remember that previous time I you told, the supermarket meets, Xiaoyan that mother Su Yuan's not?” “那难怪了,我发现姓苏的人真就有问题,你还记得上次我跟你说的,超市遇到的,小颜那个苏元的妈妈不？” „Did not remember, you said one to me again...” “不太记得了,你再给我说一遍吧...” Gu Dabao said while begins, two people's relations are good friends as at first quickly. 顾大宝一边说一边上手,两个人的关系很快就和好如初。