„ I called poisonous island hu, was the poisonous island oldest child , was also the only girl. “我叫毒岛冴子,是毒岛家年纪最大的孩子,也是唯一的女孩。 From the record, is accompanying me, is that again to raising the somewhat laborious wooden blade. 从记事起,陪着我的,就是那把重到提起来都有些辛苦的木刀。 My father is a powerful and dignified man, in his person eyes, he is neon most famous big sword one, disseminates the foreign country to go the poisonous island class/flow swordsmanship, swordsmanship powerhouse who even the foreigners subdue for this reason. 我的父亲是一个强大而威严的男人,在他人眼里,他是霓虹最有名的大剑豪之一,是将毒岛流剑道传播到外国去,连外国人都为此折服的剑道强者。 But in my eyes, he is actually not a qualified father. 但在我眼里,他却并不是一个合格的父亲。 Since the birth started, I shouldered all people to hope, to become poisonous island class/flow successor, but is trying hard. 自从出生开始,我就背负了所有的人期盼,为了成为毒岛流继承人而努力着。 When other girls are holding the doll in the room with the friend plays, I only then wooden blade in the swing hand repeatedly, can by the father in evening's inspection not be reprimanded. 当其他的女孩子抱着洋娃娃在房间里和朋友玩耍的时候,我只有一遍又一遍的挥舞手中的木刀,才能不被父亲在晚上检查时斥责。 When other girl discussion what clothes are most nice, I learned from all kinds of sword techniques by the father request. 在别的女孩子讨论什么样的衣服最好看时,我被父亲要求学习各种各样的剑术。 Time and time again was struck down by the big opponents, then pouches in the tears the belly, crawls to rush with the wooden blade again. 一次又一次的被远比自己高大许多的对手击倒,然后将眼泪吞进肚子里,爬起来用木刀再次冲上去。 This is my childhood. 这就是我的童年。 I once think, so long as my diligently, the father will approve me. But I will also become the next father, the big sword that others respect is bold. 我曾以为,只要我这样努力,父亲就会认同我。而我也将成为下一个父亲,一个别人所尊敬的大剑豪。 However, I was wrong. Perhaps once I was the pride in father eyes, but ..... 但是,我错了。也许曾经的我是父亲眼中的骄傲,但..... With death of mother, father's second marriage, after my younger brother was born, all changed. 随着母亲的去世,父亲的再婚,当我的弟弟出生后,一切都变了。 The similar sword technique, I need not to eat not dormancy several days to be able proficiently to grasp, but the younger brother actually only needs to play study on one side, can understand truth. 同样的剑术,我需要不食不眠数日才能熟练掌握,可弟弟却只需要玩耍似的学上一边,就可以明白其中的道理。 I finally understood, oneself in any event diligently, is avoidless finally, easy was exceeded this pitiful result by own younger brother. 我最终明白了,自己无论如何努力,也最终无法避免,轻而易举的被自己的弟弟所超越这可悲的结局。 The father also no longer urges me to study the sword technique, but makes me learn/study, if becomes a woman, to him, so long as I become good wives in few person eyes, calculates not shame poisonous island main house gate. 父亲也不再督促我学习剑术,而是让我去学习如果成为一个女人,对他而言,只要我成为一个别人眼中的好妻子,也算不辱毒岛家门吧。 What is laughable, on learn/study swordsmanship incomparably dull-witted I, in this aspect actually accidental/surprised has the talent. 可笑的是,在学习剑道上无比愚钝的我,在这方面却意外的具有着天赋。 When I learned the ingredients, tailoring, tea ceremony, even was ‚traditional woman ethics’, how learned to become a good wife the time, my dream also had the change. 当我学会了料理,缝纫,茶道,甚至是‘妇道’,学会了如何成为一个好妻子的时候,我的梦想也有了变化。 Mentioned laughably, until junior middle school, I first understanding, oneself eventually were a girl. Ran into the person of liking to meet the heart bang bang to jump, saw the lovable thing can unable to bear the smile. 说来可笑,直到初中,我才第一次明白,自己终究是个女孩子。遇到了喜欢的人会心脏砰砰直跳,看到了可爱的东西会忍不住微笑。 I naive thinking, perhaps on the swordsmanship was once doomed is not not possible to have me of what achievement, but can also become in the future somebody's good wife. Can have one until the beautiful love of dying not regretting, gives up the so-called swordsmanship, will complete wife this/should doing all for that person of future with single-hearted devotion, this will also be I realizes the value one method. 我曾天真的以为,也许剑道上注定不可能有什么成就的我,还可以成为未来某个人的好妻子。能拥有一段直到死去都不会后悔的美好爱情,放弃所谓的剑道,专心为未来的那个人做好妻子该做的一切,这也是我实现自我价值的一种方法吧。 I left father's side, arrives at the Chiba guard empty say/way hall , a person goes to school, a person prepares food, a person lives, in there is no acquaintance with worrying in city. 我离开了父亲的身边,独自一人来到千叶看守空荡荡的道馆,一个人上学,一个人做饭,一个人生活在这没有任何熟人与牵挂的城市里。 I once think, I will start truly, is my own life. Without the hope of father, will not feel the envy about younger brother's talent again, no one knows me. 我一度以为,我会开始真正的,属于我自己的人生。没有父亲的期盼,不会再对弟弟的天赋感到嫉妒,没有任何人认识我。 I only need to treat as the pleasure the swordsmanship, can like other girls ordinary peaceful, satisfied. 我只需要把剑道当做乐趣,能像其他的女孩子一样平凡安乐,就满足了。 Until...... 直到...... that night of junior middle school, put in the ways of running a school of shape shadow single, discovered behind is tracking own anomaly secretly. 在初中的那天夜里,放学路上形影单只的自己,发现了身后偷偷跟踪着自己的变态。 Knows obviously that person is thinking anything, lets that anomaly intentionally close to oneself, when he wants to encroach upon itself, pulls out wooden blade that carried along, broke his leg bone and shoulder blade. 明明知道那人想着什么,却故意让那变态靠近自己,当他想要侵犯自己的时候,掏出了随身携带的木刀,打断了他的腿骨与肩胛骨。 I do not know why I must do that when I use the wooden blade to cut off his bone, looks when he fierce evil face changes despairs panic-stricken, the innermost feelings actually soar, has never had joyfulness and excitement. 我不知道我为什么要这么做,可是当我用木刀砍断他的骨头,看着他狰狞邪恶的脸变惊恐绝望时,内心却腾升起了,从未有过的愉悦与兴奋。 The final ruling is, although my action has somewhat defended working as, but considering the age and status, has not investigated my responsibility. 最后的判决是,虽然我的举动有些防卫过当,但考虑到年龄和身份,并未追究我的责任。 But I actually understand, I could not go back again. 可我却明白,我再也回不去了。 When I understand, in own innermost feelings the dark side is terrifying, the violent impulsion that is unable to suppress is how fearful time, I know oneself were impossible to become a normal girl. 当我明白,在自己内心的中的阴暗面有多么恐怖,那无法抑制的暴力冲动是多么可怕的时候,我就知道自己再也不可能成为一个正常的女孩了。 Even with, me starts to loathe itself, loathes has such psychology obviously, has the soft innermost feelings like the ordinary girl. 甚至与,我开始厌恶着自己,厌恶着明明有着如此心理的自己,却像个普通女孩子一样有着柔软的内心。 I loathe myself, will loathe oneself that also to fall in love with others' heart. 我厌恶自己,厌恶自己那颗还会爱上别人的心。 I do not match. 我不配。 I do not match to fall in love with a person, natural does not match by others is loved. 我不配爱上一个人,也理所当然的不配被别人所爱。 Until ..... Aoki appeared in my front on that day. 直到那一天.....青木君出现在我的面前。 Whose me the decision will not like on obviously, why actually does not know, is unable to suppress had the favorable impression about him. 明明决定再也不会喜欢上谁的我,却不知为何,无法抑制的对他心生了好感。 With the daily practice, his swordsmanship strength is progressing rapidly. 随着每天的练习,他的剑道实力飞速的进步着。 This talent, is own younger brother definitely is unable to compare. I somewhat envy, what are more is envies. 这种天赋,就是自己的弟弟也完全无法相比。我有些嫉妒,却更多的是羡慕。 Moreover, what most envies is he can in the look that others dread free is living, no matter others are dread or hate to his look, still according to own step carefully. This, perhaps is my heart movement reason. 而且,最羡慕的是他可以在别人畏惧的眼神中自由自在的活着,不管别人对他的眼神是畏惧还是憎恶,仍然按着自己的步调一步一个脚印。这,也许才是我心动的原因吧。 Perhaps, he will accept himself also perhaps. 也许,他会接受自己也说不定。 Such when powerful man, lets my heart movement, cannot bear be respectful-, if I can like him, regardless of others dread or like about oneself, can live, was not affected by others, should that good? 这样强大的男人,让我心动之余,忍不住心生敬仰-要是我能像他那样,不论别人对自己畏惧还是喜欢,都能活的自我,不被他人影响,那该有多好？ This respect, changed into many liking. 这份敬仰,又化为了更多的喜欢。 When that day his whole body was the blood but actually when my bosom, loving dearly and anger in my heart, first time suppressed themselves, so long as saw the blood, violent impulsion that is unable to endure patiently. 在那天他浑身是血的倒在我的怀里时,我心中的心疼与愤怒,头一次压制住了自己只要看到鲜血,就无法忍耐的暴力冲动。 When saw the bad high-school student who who him was hit wails everywhere when that crowd by, I have to acknowledge, he thinks me is more powerful. 当看到那群被他打的满地哀嚎的不良高中生时,我不得不承认,他远比我想的还要强大。 His take home, dries the body to him, puts on him own bed, my static looked at him for a long time, his resting face is tranquil and gentle, is not knitting the brows with the past frequently voluntarily, a face fierce appearance was more attractive. Perhaps, this was true he does not say certainly. 将他抱回家,给他擦干身体,将他放到自己的床铺上,我静静的看了他许久,他的睡颜恬静而又温柔,与以往常常不自觉皱着眉,一脸凶恶的模样好看多了。也许,这才是真正的他也说不准。 I still remember that time idea- only felt that at this moment can get down forever, was good. 我还记得,那时的想法-只感觉这一刻能永远下去,就好了。 After he wakes up, looks at he somewhat shy face, I cannot bear finally, vague expression own mood. After he leaves, I lie, in he has lain down in position, is blushing to stay for a long time. 他醒来后,看着他有些羞涩的脸,我终于忍不住,隐晦的表达了自己的心情。在他离开之后,我趴在他躺过的位置上,红着脸呆了许久。 His flavor, I cannot forget. 他的味道,我至今都没能忘记。 ...... 只是...... He similarly vague rejection I. 他同样隐晦的拒绝了我。 This afternoon, he said that he will not practice the sword again. 今天下午,他说他不会再来练剑了。 He said him to owe me one, does not know how to repay is good. 他说他欠我的人情,不知怎么偿还才好。 Actually, I don't know either. I do not think that he also falls, if such, he won't remember me? 其实,我也不知道。我也不想他还掉,因为如果那样,他就再也不会想起我了吧？ I only know, perhaps after today. 我只知道,也许从今天以后。 I was a person. 我又是一个人了。 On that day, he tranquil sleepy face in my room, in my black-and-white recollection, became the only color. 那一天,他在我的房间里恬静的睡容,在我黑白色的回忆中,成了唯一的色彩。 That has a dream the general time to pass, I should also wake up from the dream, clearly recognized the reality. 那做梦一般的时间过去,我也该从梦里醒来,认清现实了。 I, do not match has the love- poisonous island hu. ” 我,是不配拥有爱情的-毒岛冴子。” --- --- ps: This chapter hesitant was very long, finally does not have to remain, put in the main text. Does not know after you do like......, should not have such chapter. ps:这一章犹豫了很久,最终没有自己留着,还是放到正文里了。不知道你们喜不喜欢……以后应该没有这样的章节了。