【My name was Buxados.】 【我叫布克斯。】 in Chi the energetic connection is feeling on different infant that share of unusual characters person to project, utilizes the mind movie screen technology, Buxados this name naturally appears. Looks like reading a diary, seems like writing this diary. 于驰的精神连系着感受着异婴身上的那股异文人投影,运用起心灵障壁技术,“布克斯”这个名字是自然浮现出来的。就像是在阅读一本日记,又像是在书写这本日记。 The writing of foreign land, appears on the diary scattered. 异域的文字,在日记上零散地显现。 Some are all various professions, can read coherently ; Some are only the words of break, is strange and strange, is hard to know its meaning. 有些是一行行的,可以连贯地阅读;有些只是断裂的字词,陌生、怪异,难以知晓其意思。 in Chi gathers on the spirit these coherent sentences, at present has the imaginary feeling to rock, resembles had had the matter, in another world, another space and time. 于驰把精神聚到那些连贯的句子上,眼前有幻感晃动,似是曾经发生过的事情,在另一个世界,另一个时空。 【Even Dr. Karrop, said me as soon as were born should die.】 【即使是卡洛普医生,都说我一出生就应该死亡。】 The imaginary feeling more is jumping wells up, the anxious feeling also jumps over is intensifying, makes itself with every effort tranquil in spreading, contacts that dark strength. 幻感越在迸涌,焦躁感也越在加剧,于驰让自己尽力平静,去接触那股黑暗力量。 The mind movie screen is one, needs to construct, now perhaps Buxados is the prototype, perhaps that is the original story: 心灵障壁是一个自我,需要自己去构建,现在或许布克斯是原型,或许那就是本来的故事: I am an oaf, does not have including a rib since birth, the complete visceral organ supports weakly crowded in the same place......, no matter which Dr. Karrop will visit me to shake the head, the medicine that all they grasped showed, I should die. But I lived, is not one day, is not one -year-old, I live enough old...... 我是个畸形儿,生来连一根肋骨都没有,全部内脏器官都虚弱地挤拥在一起……不管哪个卡洛普医生看了我都会摇摇头,所有他们掌握的医学都表明,我应该死掉。但我活了下来,不是一天,也不是一岁,我活到足够年长…… My parents looked forward to me born died, but they for fear that blasphemed gods- their Chong Ai life goddess. 我的父母巴不得我出生就死掉,但他们生怕亵渎了神明-他们那崇爱的生命女神。 All lives are valuable, all lives are the life goddesses grants preciously...... 所有的生命都有价值,所有的生命都是生命女神的宝贵赐予…… The life that therefore even if the most abnormal hateful life and live because of the evil, must treasure. Has not aborted, has not killed the infant. 因此即使是最畸形可憎的生命、因为罪恶而生的生命,都要珍重。没有堕胎,没有杀婴。 Abandons a god to grant your life, you will also be abandoned by the god...... 抛弃一个神赐予你的生命,你也将被神抛弃…… Fear and blind letter/believes to the gods imprison, are actuating them...... they more to be afraid offend the gods, more takes care of me carefully...... the expenditure large amount of wealth, installing the external mechanical rib...... is this love? People said that loves conditional, a beautiful female will not be deeply in love with an abnormal person...... to like being probable to have the words of so many conditions, that is the so-called love, is the magnificent camouflages of other things...... 对神明的畏惧与盲信禁锢着、驱动着他们……他们越害怕冒犯神明,就越小心谨慎地照顾我……花费巨额的钱财,安装外置机械肋骨……这是爱吗？人们说爱是有条件的,一个美丽的女子不会钟情一个畸形人……爱要有这么多条件的话,那还是所谓的爱吗,还是其它事物的华丽伪装…… These issues, too many issues, have been twining me. 这些问题,太多的问题,一直缠绕着我。 Who 【am I? If I have not gotten sick, who I am?】 【我是谁？如果我没有病,我又是谁？】 Chaotic a surges in the spreading mind, as if cannot suppress, is swallowed by the movie screen that has not constructed. 于驰脑海里一片混乱的翻腾,仿佛一个抑制不住,就会被那个都还没构建起来的障壁吞噬。 This unusual characters person projects, is twisting his mental...... 这个异文人投影,在扭曲着他的心智…… The eye that in Chi opens looks to arrive others before different insulation can, obviously not smooth, the brow of Louxiao Ning is wrinkling, the egg uncle's complexion becomes a little is also strange...... everyone to project to contend with the respective unusual characters person, no one stops acting. 于驰睁开的眼睛看到站在不同保温箱前的其他人,显然也不是有多顺利,楼筱宁的眉头在皱动,蛋叔的面色也变得很有点古怪……大家在与各自的异文人投影抗衡着,没有谁就此中止行动。 But the mental pillar/backbone, is powerful depending on people. 而心智支柱,是众人的有力倚仗。 In spreading is constructing the movie screen, the mental pillar/backbone that while to establish regarding the deep love of archaeology is maintaining the sobriety of self-awareness. 于驰一边构建着障壁,一边以对于考古学的热爱建立起的心智支柱保持着自我意识的清醒。 Grand mausoleum, magnificent cultural relic and wrapped in a shroud of obscurity symbol graph...... 宏伟的陵墓、瑰丽的文物、神秘莫测的符号图形…… These deep loves and pursues are stabilizing in Chi, in his heart, obtains to be clear that who is in Chi, who is Wang Haifeng, who is Buxados. 这些热爱与追求稳定着于驰,在他的内心深处,还是分得清楚谁是于驰,谁是王海峰,谁是布克斯。 However this also causes him and Buxados projects the connection to shake to shake, the picture twinkle of illusion is uncertain, that in the broken bell tower a Dr. Karrop the corpse the abnormal person who hangs, the facial features hidden under the shadow, more and more fuzzy...... 但是这也使得他与布克斯投影之间的连系震晃起来,幻象的画面闪烁不定,那个在残破钟楼上把一具卡洛普医生尸体吊挂起来的畸形人,面容隐在阴影之下,越来越模糊…… in Chi is clenching teeth, gathers the spirit again to those words: 于驰咬着牙,再一次把精神聚向那句话: Who 【am I? If I have not gotten sick, who I am?】 【我是谁？如果我没有病,我又是谁？】 Buxados? 布克斯吗？ Why the childhood association/will wants to be I, if I am not the congenital entire rib defect, if I were since birth healthy, I can run like others, I can liking the miss vindicated, I can have the different lives...... 儿时总会想为什么是我,如果我不是先天性全肋骨缺失,如果我生来健康,我能像其他人那样奔跑,我能向喜欢的姑娘表白,我能有不一样的人生…… However...... is thinking this, if person, is I, is my abnormal person Buxados...... 但是……想着这种如果的人,是我,是我这个畸形人布克斯…… If Buxados is since birth healthy, I will not exist, has not existed...... 如果布克斯生来健康,我就不会存在,从来没有存在过…… Perhaps that healthy Buxados, is perhaps charming, is disdained, perhaps ordinary mediocre...... 那个健康的布克斯,或许充满魅力,或许被人不屑,或许平凡庸碌…… But in his mind, will not have the mood that I have...... he not to have my experience, he will not understand me. Perhaps his also meeting object people like me contemptuously treats, thought that such person pitiful, no threat, cannot guard and be incapable of counterattacking, forever not the day and the weak one raising one's head...... 但在他的头脑中,并不会拥有我所拥有的情绪……他没有我的经历,他不会理解我。也许他也会对像我这样的人轻蔑对待,觉得这样的人可怜、毫无威胁、不需提防、无力还击、永无出头之日、弱者…… Then, am I Buxados? Is Buxados I? 那么,我还是布克斯吗？布克斯还是我吗？ , I do not understand that...... is not the congenital entire rib defect, making me exist. Otherwise, does not have me. If I am since birth healthy, will not treasure itself to be since birth healthy, if I have not recompensed the pain, will not try to get out of the pain. 不会了,我明白不会……是先天性全肋骨缺失,使我存在。否则,也就没有我。如果我生来健康,就不会珍视自己生来健康,如果我未偿痛苦,就不会设法摆脱痛苦。 Gets rid? The healthy person should hate the disease pain, but I should, I raise by such pain...... 摆脱？健康的人应该憎恶疾病的痛苦,但我应该吗,我由这样的痛苦养育…… The disease is my creator. 疾病是我的造物主。 At this moment, in Chi almost cannot suppress that surges dark strength, forehead cold sweat directing current. 这一刻,于驰几乎压不住那股翻腾的黑暗力量,额头冷汗直流。 This mind movie screen in his mind , if there is essence to condense little, each intravenous drip is the painful intravenous drip, was these constituted this, constituted Buxados, possibly also constituted forest Jing, as well as other lost/carrying choices...... 这层心灵障壁在他脑海中如有实质地一点点凝聚,每一点滴都是痛苦的点滴,却是这些构成了这个自我,构成了布克斯,可能也构成了林镜,以及其他的负选择…… The sentence that the foreign land writing composes appeared many, has many unclear meaning, like stuffy thunder that being cloudy the nighttime sky resounded. 异域文字组成的句子浮现得更多了,带着更多不明的意味,如同乌云密布的夜空响起的闷雷。 What 【did human cure?】 【人类治好了什么？】 【Disease, some aspect is not a dissident feeling......】 【疾病,某种方面不是一种异己感吗……】 【Disease, is not will divide very much easily people, we, you, we, you......】 【疾病,不是很容易就会把人们分割开来吗,我们,你们,我们,你们……】 【A plague, can cause to brag that takes liking revealing one's true colors as people of food.】 【一场瘟疫,就可以使自诩以爱为食的人们原形毕露。】 【Why is my the disease?】 【为什么我这样就是疾病？】 【Here happy, there sad.】 【这里欢乐,那里悲伤。】 【Non-solution.】 【无解。】 【They are afraid us, they despise us, they hate us, they think that we disappear. They, we.】 【他们害怕我们,他们轻蔑我们,他们憎恶我们,他们想我们消失。他们,我们。】 【Since birth 12 pairs of ribs are the diseases. Has the tabulare since birth, is the health.】 【生来有十二对肋骨是疾病。生来有板骨,是健康。】 【Makes this world return to its original appearance. They hate me, I hate falsely.】 【让这个世界回归它本来的面目。他们憎恶我,我憎恶虚伪。】 【Did Dr. Karrop, what you cure?】 【卡洛普医生,你们治好了什么？】 【I have noticed you.】 【我已经注意到你了。】 【You were lost/carrying choose now, like us. You are lived by the pain, you take pitifully as the food. This type of taste will change you, before you were not you. In your mind, you see yourself, sees others, is the corpse, the obviousness of becoming stale, deceiving people that has not become stale bullies oneself.】 【现在你是负选择了,就像我们一样。你由痛苦而生,你以悲惨为食。这种滋味将改变你,你再也不是以前的你了。在你的头脑中,你看到自己,也看到别人,全是尸体,发臭的显而易见,还没发臭的欺人欺己。】 【Hello, in Chi. My name was Buxados Langton, welcome to join lost/carrying choice life meeting.】 【你好,于驰。我叫布克斯-兰顿,欢迎加入负选择生命会。】 Several mental props the strenuous vibration, in Chi the right hand one is exploding the pain suddenly, immediately lost the control to pull out from the forehead of different infant suddenly leaves. 几根心智支柱骤然都在剧烈震动,于驰右手一下炸痛,顿时失了控制地从异婴的额头猛然抽离。 The right hand is shivering unceasingly, he felt that oneself finger and, is unable to stretch together, abnormal parallel intergrowth...... 右手在不断颤抖,他感觉自己的手指都并在一起了,无法舒展开来,畸形并生…… He also felt that has anything in own mind, the surges goes, tearing, shatter...... 他也感觉有什么在自己的头脑里面,翻腾来翻腾去,撕裂、破碎…… „Chief in!?” Deng Ximei quickly walked, Wu Shiyu completes the hand signal of dozen of old seal, is away from monitors camera Master Tong and the others, also seems to have felt a chill in the air. Different infant Haifeng in insulation can sobbed loudly. “于队长！？”邓惜玫急忙走了上来,吴时雨做好打旧印的手势,就连隔着监控摄像头的通爷等人,也似乎感受过一股寒意。保温箱里的异婴小海峰放声哭泣了起来。 „I, I...... fortunately......” in spreading make noise hoarsely, although the mental pillar/backbone was attacked some fissure slightly, but can also stand erect temporarily. “我,我……还好……”于驰沙哑出声,心智支柱虽然被冲击出了一些微微的裂痕,但暂时还能矗立。 But the mind movie screen, constructed...... to be ready to make trouble, but also was being suppressed...... 而有一层心灵障壁,构建起来了……蠢蠢欲动,还被压制着…… These unusual characters sentence engraved inscriptions carve likely in his mind, but he has not been clear about all meaning. 那些异文句子像铭文般刻在他的脑海里,但他还不清楚所有的意味。 Apex 顶点